Chapter 36 Rae
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
RAE
“I expect you in my rooms for dinner tonight,” the king says. “I’ll send a dress.”
“I’m not going,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Don’t make me use the mark.” His gaze is cold, disdainful. “Or would you prefer I sent guards to drag you through the palace?”
“Why are you… doing this?” I grind out through clenched teeth. “I know you’re not Mars. You forced a mark on me. You tortured Jai. Do you derive such pleasure from tormenting me?”
He gives me a level look. “You may not believe it, but no, I don’t derive any joy from torture. Yours, or Jai’s. Everything I do is necessary, a stepping stone toward my purpose.”
I hate him. I hate him with everything I have, and yet no words come out of my mouth. He doesn’t see the wrong in his actions. Yesterday I’d have thought he looks… sad. That it’s sincerity I see in his pale eyes.
Now I know it’s flat cruelty.
He whirls away in a flurry of his satin cape and leads his guards out of the room, the door closing behind them.
The silence stretches. I turn to find Phaethon frowning at the closed door. The room smells of blood, and rust, and Jai. It feels weird that I smell him while knowing it’s Phaethon I’m looking at.
Phaethon, who demanded I stay in the room because he doesn’t trust the king with me. Is he serious? Why would he want to protect me?
Because Jai likes me. He said so. That’s the answer.
I step in front of him, between him and the door he’s staring at as if he’s trying to burn a hole through it. “Let me talk to Jai.”
A smile twitches at his mouth, though he’s still not looking at me, his eyes unfocused. “The king’s words don’t affect your love for him, do they?”
“The bad things he did?” I turn around and start pacing. “That wasn’t him. That was you.”
He gives a dry chuckle. “He is the general of the king’s armies. He is the one hunting humanfolk, squashing the rebellion.”
“No, the king didn’t say Jai was the one doing all that. He said you were doing it.” I stop pacing and point an accusing finger at him. “You.”
A light chuckle. “Come, Little Human. Don’t let our convoluted co-existence confuse you. We alternate. Jai doesn’t sit at home knitting while I pillage and kill. And if you believe what the king tells you, then you believe that Jai killed your family. Do you?”
“No, of course not. Jai would never do such a thing.” I sigh. “I want to talk to him.”
“Jai… has done everything in his power to keep me locked up inside his mind. So intent he has been on keeping me prisoner, in fact, that he became dependent on the king’s bite and the comfort it offers.
He’s addicted to it. He’d do anything to have that quiet it offers in his head.
” He cocks his head at me. “He’d kill for it. And he has killed for it.”
“No…” I shake my head. “Not Mars, not…” My chest is in a vise. It’s crushing me. “Damn you, let me speak to him!”
“It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid.” His lips pull back in a dangerous grin. “My lady.”
“Well, then this discussion is moot, because I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a word you say! Jai—Mars—would never betray me. He’d never kill my family because he’s not cruel like you. He had no reason to do it! And not letting him speak isn’t helping your case.”
“My case.” His grin twists, then falls. “You like him. I told you it was a bad idea.”
“Let go of him. He will explain.”
“That would be an even worse idea. You are in love, and so is he. His heart is too soft without me.”
“His heart is fine,” I growl. “Leave him be, Phaethon.”
“He needs me,” he says.
“Fuck you.” Fury sends my heart pounding. “I’ve seen him fight without your input and he had no trouble. He’s doing perfectly fine. He doesn’t need you. You’re the one who needs him because without him, what are you? Just a nasty, foul spirit wandering the world for an eternity.”
He regards me in silence. “You are right. I do need him. And I need to open that gate and go home.”
“Phaethon—”
“My people and I… we are one. I told you. I am their head. They are my body.”
“And like I told you, they must have found another head by now,” I snap. “You have a perfectly good body here. So what’s your excuse for your arrogance and selfishness?”
He growls. “Go to your room to rest, human, and mind your own business from now on. I am becoming tired of dealing with you.”
“Except you liked fucking me, didn’t you?” I prod.
His eyes darken for a moment. His mouth twists again. “As I recall, so did you. Is there a point to your question?”
Maybe not. He confuses me, almost as much as Jai.
You hate and love Jai in almost equal measures—or you did, until you found out he’s the boy you once loved. And now?
Now I’m in shambles, because I love him and ache for him and miss him, and nothing was ever simple, but the threads have become so tangled that the knot seems lethal.
“Fine,” I say, struggling to breathe. My ribcage seems to contract, crushing my lungs. “I’ll leave you and go to my room, then meet the king for dinner.”
I can’t let him see the sweat beading my brow, the way I press a hand to my chest. I can’t be vulnerable around him. Around Jai, perhaps, but Phaethon is such an unknown quantity.
I don’t know what he reports to the king, and his grudging respect hinges on my courage and strength, so… No weakness. Can’t appear feeble to Phaethon. My survival may depend on it, especially in the next trial. What if he takes over Jai and lets me die?
I may not know yet how to kill the king and solve this mess, but I do know that I’m not ready yet to give up.
No weakness, I repeat to myself as I stagger backward. Funny how everything that happened hits me now, all at once—my almost death, Jai’s revelations, the lashing and my fear for his life, the discussion between Phaethon and the king.
Gods, I can’t breathe. Dark is eating at my vision. The past, old and new, is pressing down on my shoulders and chest like a beast, crushing me.
The dark engulfs me, leaving only a tunnel through which I see him. Seated on the bed. Staring at me.
Up and down is no more, I lose all sense of space. My knee buckles and I gasp as I go down, as I lose grip on my body.
And he’s on his feet, swaying, reaching for me. “Rae!” Somehow he makes it beside me in time to grab me, haul me against him before I hit the floor. “Are you all right?”
I blink away the dark and gaze up into his eyes. They are wide, fathomless. Stark. The black on his cheekbones seems to unfurl and bloom into stars and blossoms. Black hair falls against his brow and I itch to twirl my fingers in it. Pull him down and kiss him.
But shock keeps me still because…
Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that there’s more to what he feels about me than just respect. Or that respect is for him another word for something more.
This alien, powerful creature sure acts like he cares…