Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
He was waiting for me when I left work, leaning against the building next to House of Simone.
I breezed right past like I hadn’t even noticed him.
Undeterred, he fell into step with me so I, of course, quickened my pace and practically sprinted up the street.
In my haste to get away, I stepped off the curb onto Broadway right into oncoming traffic. Gabriel snagged the sleeve of my coat and yanked me to safety just as a white van careened past, mere inches from where I stood.
My heart was racing. I put my hand over it and tried to catch my breath.
God. This is what this guy did to me. I could have gotten myself killed.
I spun around and glared at him. “Why are you here?” I planted my hands on my hips and narrowed my eyes. “Are you trying to get me killed or something?”
“I just saved your life,” he protested. “And you’re welcome.”
“I wouldn’t have stepped onto the street if you hadn’t gotten me so…so…” I threw my hands in the air.
He grinned. “You’re so crazy about me you can’t see straight. You can barely speak.” His smile grew wider.
I turned on my heel and crossed at the light. I was trying to hold on to my anger. It trumped heartache any day of the week.
“I talked to Annika today,” he said casually.
My gaze snapped to his face. “What do you mean you talked to her?”
“She showed up at my apartment this morning. She told me that she overheard you talking to your mom about me, so we hashed it out.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. Like I hadn’t lost sleep and my sanity over it.
“And what did you say? What did she say?” I prodded.
“Let’s grab some food and I’ll tell you everything.”
I stopped and turned to face him. “Just tell me now.”
He stamped his booted feet and blew on his hands. His breath came out in white puffs and as usual, he was woefully underdressed for the weather.
“It’s twenty degrees out here and I’m starving. I can’t think when I’m hungry.”
I didn’t want him to get hypothermia or starve to death, so I relented.
We went to the diner on Astor Place, a cavernous space with yellow walls, red pillars, and kitschy paintings, and settled into a booth next to the floor-to-ceiling windows.
After we gave our order to a surly waiter, Gabriel draped his arm across the back of his seat and smiled like the Cheshire cat. “This is where I was sitting the first time I saw you and now, here we are.”
“Yeah, here we are,” I said glumly. “I’m going to lose my best friend over this.”
“You’re not going to lose Annika. It’s not looking great right now but she’ll come around,” he assured me.
I wasn’t feeling quite as optimistic.
Last night I barely slept. Our argument played on a loop in my head, but no matter how many times I replayed it, I couldn’t hit rewind and change the outcome.
I hurt Annika with my lie of omission, and if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d be angry too.
“You belonged to her first,” I pointed out.
“Nobody belongs to anyone,” he scoffed. “I’m not her sole property. You can’t own anyone.”
While I understood his logic, it was painfully obvious that he didn’t know how female friendships worked. Maybe guys would just duke it out and bury the hatchet over a few beers, but girls don’t operate like that.
When you betray a friend (over a guy, no less), it creates an emotional rift that’s nearly impossible to bridge.
Sure, Annika and I had history on our side, but would that be enough? I really didn’t know.
“Are you sure you don’t want any food?” he asked when the waiter delivered his cheeseburger and fries.
I shook my head and took a sip of coffee. It tasted like bitter sludge. The pot had probably been sitting on the burner since this morning. “I need to hear what happened with Annika.”
“She wanted to know why I strung her along for four months,” he said, smacking the side of the Heinz bottle and pouring ketchup on his plate. “Why didn’t I end things as soon as I realized who you were?”
“Valid point. Why didn’t you?”
He thought about it for a moment. “At first, you were just…I didn’t know you, Cleo. I knew the girl I’d conjured up in my head, but I didn’t know you. And I liked Annika. For want of a better word, being with her was easy. There were no preconceived notions. No castles in the sky. But you…”
He stuffed some fries into his mouth and chewed, his gaze drifting to the window while I stared at his profile and got temporarily distracted.
He had the most sensuous mouth. Sooty lashes. Expressive face.
Gabriel was an old soul. He wore his emotions like a battle-weary soldier who had fought in the trenches and witnessed the best and worst of humanity but still clung to the hope that the world was a beautiful place.
I yearned to trace the curves and contours of his face with my fingertips. Sketch him. Capture his soul and spirit on a canvas.
“It felt like I saw you in a dream and then you materialized before my eyes, and I wasn’t sure what to do about that,” he said.
“You’re nothing like what I expected and yet you’re everything and more.
We don’t really know each other but I feel like I’ve known you forever.
” He held out his hands. “Make of that what you will, Jane.”
What I wanted to tell him is that there was a very good chance I’d fall short of being the dream girl he conjured up, but all I said was, “My name’s not Jane.”
“I know who you are,” he said. “You’re Cleo Babington.
The artist. The muse. The girl who acts tough but spends her last dollar on a cup of coffee for a homeless man who she treats like a friend.
The girl with a rebellious heart and a quick wit who chooses men that could never possibly appreciate the wonders of her mind.
You’re the girl who made a shirt for me. ”
The homeless man was Chuck, the one who found Gabriel’s notebook.
The day we went to Yaffa Cafe, Chuck was on the corner ranting about gentrification and how the East Village was going to the dogs.
I bought him a cup of coffee and hung out with him for a while, but Annika and Gabriel had gone ahead so I hadn’t even realized he saw that.
“I shouldn’t have made you that stupid shirt,” I muttered.
He laughed, amused, and finished his burger in three bites then sat back in his seat. “So now what? Where do we go from here?”
“Home. Separately. But not until you tell me the rest of your conversation with Annika.”
He told me that Annika was upset, understandably, and that she couldn’t understand why I’d kept it from her. “She also mentioned that you found my notebook and that you’ve had it for years . Care to explain?”
I squirmed in my seat, but I shouldn’t have been surprised that Annika told him about it. That notebook was the reason for my entire deception.
After I told him the story, leaving out the part where I sniffed his shirt, obviously (no need to sound like a total weirdo), Gabriel stared at me with a dazed expression and then he started laughing.
I couldn’t see what was so funny about any of this.
“How many more signs do you need?” he said. “Even the universe thinks we belong together. We can’t just walk away from this without seeing where it takes us.”
Just go for it, the devil on my shoulder goaded. You know you want him.
But the pesky angel on my other shoulder butted in. Cease and desist. Guys come and go but friends are forever.
Even so, I wavered. I was so tempted to lunge across the table, fist his shirt and kiss him dizzy that it was a miracle my ass stayed firmly planted in the seat.
I wanted him to push me against the wall and shove his tongue into my mouth while his hands roamed my body and my fingers tugged at the ends of his hair, begging for more.
I wanted to watch him sleep and I wanted to wake up in his arms and dance a drunken tango.
“Come home with me,” he said.
God. I wanted to. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone. Not just physically, but in every way imaginable.
I wanted to stay up all night talking about books and music and art and life. Our hopes, our dreams, our fears and our triumphs.
I wanted to follow him around like a groupie and never miss a single show. I wanted to make him a shirt for every day of the week while he played his guitar and wrote music in the next room.
I wanted to be the girl he kissed good night.
I wanted something real and good. Something extraordinary.
I didn’t want to settle for crumbs. I wanted the whole damn cake and I wanted to eat it too.
But the universe fucked up. I couldn’t fall in love with him because that would hurt Annika so I needed to walk away now before it was too late.
I slid out of the booth and grabbed my coat, determined to stay strong even as my brain silently chanted, I want you. I want you. I want you . I want you so badly it physically hurts.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Goodbye, Gabriel.”
Blinking back tears, I fled the diner and dashed across the street with a heavy heart and a million what-ifs racing through my head.
When I got home, I found a note from Annika that extinguished my last glimmer of hope.
I’m staying with my dad for a while. I can’t be around you right now so please stay away and don’t try to contact me.