Twenty - One #2
"So she's plotting."
"Definitely plotting."
"I've heard babies do that."
"I think she's waiting until I convince myself I have twenty peaceful minutes." Freya laughs. A proper laugh this time.
"I've missed this." She says on a quiet breath afterwards.
"So have I." Silence settles between us again. Not overly awkward, just more cautious.
"How's Leo?" she asks. I look towards the lounge. He's taken his toast to the couch and is giving his full focus to something on TV.
"Excellent."
"Oh?"
"He informed me this morning that Grace was still alive."
"…Well that's reassuring."
"I thought so." Another pause.
"I've missed him." My chest tightens at that. I not only robbed Freya of the chance to be there for me, but also in spending time with Leo.
"He misses you too."
"I know." The way she says it almost breaks me. She sounds so sad.
"I kept waiting."
"For what?"
"For you to call." I close my eyes in shame at that.
"I told myself you needed space."
"You were right."
"I know." Another pause. "But then Grace was born." I don't say anything. "I thought maybe…" Her voice catches.
"…maybe now." Still nothing from me. "But then I realised one day that she'd probably be crawling before I'd even met her." The words hit me in the gut. I could almost feel my breakfast trying to resurface as the guilt flared to full force.
"I'm sorry." She doesn't answer me so I continue. "I really am."
"I know."
"No…you don't." I take a shaky breath. "I didn't know how to let anyone see me like that."
"Like what?"
"…Broken." The word hangs between us, so raw and heavy. "I know you've seen me cry before. But this was different."
"I wasn't just sad. I was…" I search for how to explain it. "Empty."
The admission surprises even me. "I'd spent so long trying to save my marriage that when it finally ended…" I laugh quietly. "I wasn't even sure who I was anymore."
Freya sniffs.
"I would've helped you remember." That nearly undoes me.
"I know."
"You didn't give me the chance."
"No."
"You decided for me."
"I did. I thought I was protecting you."
"I know you did. But you weren't." Tears spill before I can stop them.
"I know that now. If I could change it, I would in a heartbeat."
"I just wanted my sister." I cover my eyes with my hand.
"I wanted to meet my niece. I wanted to bring you meals. I wanted to hold the baby while you showered. I wanted to sit on your couch and tell you Ethan was an idiot."
Despite everything…I laugh.
"You still can." She laughs too.
"I've got several new insults prepared."
"I'd expect nothing less." Grace chooses that exact moment to wake up and announce her displeasure to the entire neighbourhood. Freya hears it immediately.
"That's her?"
"That's her."
"She sounds…" Another indignant cry echoes through the house. "…very passionate."
"She's inherited my flair for dramatics."
"Poor kid."
"Tell me about it." We both laugh. The tension eases slightly. Before I can talk myself out of it, the words tumble out.
"Come over."
"What?"
"Now." There's a pause.
"Are you sure?"
"No." Another laugh escapes me. "But if I wait until I'm completely ready, Grace will probably be graduating high school." Freya laughs through what sounds suspiciously like tears.
"I'll bring muffins."
"Please do."
"And coffee."
"I have coffee."
"You probably have the same cup of coffee you've been reheating since Tuesday."
"…Rude."
"Accurate."
"Fine. Bring coffee." Twenty-five minutes later the front door opens without knocking. Some habits never change.
"It's me!" she calls. Leo immediately appears from somewhere outside.
"Aunty Freya!" She barely has time to put the muffins down before he's wrapped around her waist. She hugs him so tightly I wonder if either of them is breathing. Then she looks up. Her eyes find Grace in my arms. She stops. Completely. For a second she doesn't move. Doesn't speak. She just stares.
"She's…" Her voice breaks. "So tiny." I smile at that.
"She was bigger yesterday." Freya laughs through her tears.
"You know what I mean."
"I do." She looks at me and stretches out her arms with a hesitation that makes me feel like shit again.
"Can I?" I don't even hesitate.
"Of course." I place Grace carefully into her arms. Freya holds her like she's made of glass. Grace blinks up at her. Studies her face. Then lets out one enormous burp. I burst out laughing. Freya does too.
"Well..." She smiles down at her niece. "I suppose that's one way to say hello."
Within minutes we're sitting around the kitchen table.
The muffins are open. The coffee is hot.
For approximately forty-three seconds. Grace dozes against Freya's shoulder.
Leo is explaining dinosaur migration patterns.
Alexander wanders in through the back door, dirt on his jeans and Leo's soccer ball tucked under one arm.
He takes one look at Freya holding Grace.
Looks at me. And just smiles, like she'd always been expected to find her way back here eventually.
I catch his eye. He gives my hand a quick squeeze as he walks past after politely introducing himself to Freya before making himself scarce for us to spend time with each other.. I look around the table. My son. My daughter. My sister. The man quietly becoming my home.