Chapter 4 Trust no one
After Lady Sora's father dismisses me, I search her quarters for her journal.
I know she has to have one somewhere. I start with the lacquered drawers of her rosewood cabinet, each filled with fine cloth, embroidery thread, and needles.
I shake every single decorative pillow and feel for the outline of a journal in the stuffing. Still nothing.
Annoyed, I inspect every porcelain vase I can find. Each is painted with delicate scenes depicting orchids and cranes but all they hold is a faint, dusty scent. I sneeze. Still no journal.
Frustration bubbles in my chest and I kick my shoes off, feeling a small sense of satisfaction from the way they fly across the room. One of them narrowly misses a porcelain vase. I shrug. None of this is real anyway. At least, it shouldn't be.
I pace back and forth in my socks, surprised at how warm the flow is. Glancing around, I force myself to think. If I were Lady Sora where would I hide something valuable?
I'm so lost in thought that I don't notice Ying standing near one of the sliding doors. Her figure, framed by the soft glow of lanterns, completely startles me. I jump back in surprise when I notice her. How long had she been standing there?
"It's getting late," she informs me. "Are you ready for your bath?"
I glance around Lady Sora's quarters, fully realizing my behavior is gossip-worthy.
The drawers in the rosewood cabinets haphazardly open and shut while all the porcelain vases are slightly askew.
That paired with the shoes I kicked off certainly doesn't help my case.
I cringe inwardly at the mess I've carelessly left behind.
"Yes," I reply quickly. "Please."
She gives me a small bow and turns back to where she came from. When I'm sure she's gone, I quickly clean the mess around me. All of it seems so beautiful, but deep down, I know I don't belong here. And now, I'm sure that Ying has to know I don't belong here.
Her voice brings me back to the present moment. "The bath is ready, Little Miss."
I take a deep breath and get up, pushing all my anxious thoughts to the back of my mind.
"Thank you," I reply. "Get some rest. I can take care of myself tonight."
She hesitates but doesn't argue with me.
Instead, she closes the wooden doors behind her.
Once I'm sure she's gone, I attempt to get out of the layers of silk robes I'm in.
After what feels like forever, I sink into the warm, fragrant bath.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I force myself to relax.
I need to be well rested if I expect to be selected as Prince Jin's wife.
I wrap myself in simple robes and gingerly make my way to the bed.
It looks extremely uncomfortable with what looks to be a thick blanket on top of a dark wood bed frame.
But after I crawl in, it's much cozier than I'd expected.
As I pull the blankets around me, I notice a journal wedged between the bed and the wall.
"Oh thank goodness," I whisper. It takes me a couple of tries to fish it out of its hiding place. When I flip through the pages, I can't help but feel triumphant.
Her journal has everything I need to know about her.
It details all the suffering she experienced under the hands of her father's concubines while he was grieving her Mother.
A pang of sadness flows through me when I realize just how lonely she must have been.
But the most disturbing entry I find is her final one.
"Trust no one," I read aloud. It's written in thick black ink. The rest of it is illegible as if she'd been too angry to write legibly.
I tuck the journal back where I found it and consider her words as I drift off to sleep.