50. Margot
50
margot
The door to our apartment opens in the distance, and I know my moment of solitude is over. To be fair, I’ve been lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling since I hung up the phone almost an hour ago. I didn’t trust myself to act like nothing was wrong around Matt and Braden, and I didn’t want to be around either of them because they both make me think of Jackson in their own way.
Rae pokes her head into my cracked bedroom door. “Hey, you disappeared. Everything okay?”
I turn my head to look at her but don’t get up. “I’m not sure how to answer that question.”
She pushes open the door and takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “Is it something with Jackson? You said you needed to call him, right?”
“Yeah.” The word comes out as a sigh, and I reach for my phone and unlock it. Holding it out to her, I show her the post that’s still front and center on my screen because I’ve been staring at it every few minutes.
Her eyes widen, and she looks from the phone to me before pulling it out of my hand to get a closer look. “What did he say?” she immediately demands, all business.
“That it was nothing.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “I wouldn’t say it looks like nothing. ” She zooms in, squinting to get a closer look. “Are her hands in his pants?”
Covering my face with both hands, I let out a groan. “I’m so stupid.”
“Hey, you are not stupid. This is . . . surprising.”
Dragging my fingers down my face, I look over at her to find her still analyzing the evidence. “This is crazy though, right? I’m crazy to date a guy in a rock band.”
Rae sets the phone down, her expression softening. “I mean, maybe a little crazy. But so is he. It’s part of what makes you two great together.”
I pick up the phone and investigate the two photos for the millionth time.
“He really said it was nothing?”
I frown. “Yeah.”
“And you believe him?”
Letting out a sigh, I turn the phone down and set it on my stomach, clasping it in my hands like a diary. “I think I might.” I shake my head. “I don’t know what to think. The asshole had me laughing by the end of the call when he was supposed to be feeling my wrath.”
Rae arches an eyebrow. “How did he manage that?”
I shrug. “Something about becoming an accountant.”
She laughs. “He would die.”
A small smile comes to my lips. “That’s what I said.”
She watches me carefully. “Well, if you believe him, is he forgiven?”
My brows pinch as I consider her question. With a sigh, I force myself to sit upright. “If I believe him, there’s nothing to forgive. ”
Sitting more fully on my bed, Rae pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. “But you’re still upset.”
It’s not a question, and something about her observation pulls my tears back to the surface. I had done so well, holding back until I was off the phone with Jackson. I let myself cry when I was lying in my room alone, but even that didn’t last long. Now, having Rae look at me with concern laced in her features, I can’t hold it in anymore.
It only takes half a second for her to register my crumpling face, her eyes widening. “Hey, hey, hey.” She moves closer so we’re side by side and wraps her arm around me. “If he said it was nothing, I’m sure it was. Jackson is crazy about you.”
I itch my nose and wipe away a falling tear. “Yeah, but he wouldn’t have told me about this if I never saw those photos. Now all I can think about is what else he hasn’t mentioned. What else has happened that he dismissed as being nothing?”
Rae’s silence makes me look over at her.
“What would you do?” I ask.
“Oh, I’d murder Matt.” When I laugh, she goes on to say, “But Matt isn’t in an up-and-coming band gaining more and more attention. This is kind of an occupational hazard, isn’t it?”
Looking up, I wipe beneath my eyes. “Yeah. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to date him.” I shake my head. “I knew I’d end up here, crying over him and feeling like an idiot. I knew long distance was a bad idea, but he can be so damn convincing.”
“Because he’s crazy about you.”
I give her a leveling look, and she laughs.
“He is! He can be so convincing because he cares about you so much.”
I scoff. “He has a funny way of showing it.” I gesture to my phone lying on my bed. The screen is dark, but the photos will be there as soon as I unlock it, ready for me to torture myself all over again.
Rae rubs my back. “Don’t look at those pictures again. Block her if you have to. Delete whatever screenshots you have. Jackson is honest about everything. You’ve caught him in one small lie of omission, and if you believe him when he says nothing happened, then that’s it, right?”
I nod but then turn to face her. “But what if this was a mistake? What if he has no business having a girlfriend right now? And what if I have no business dating someone with his lifestyle?”
Rae’s eyes search mine, her face sobering. “Is that really how you feel?”
“It was in the beginning.”
“And now?”
I grimace. “I don’t know.”
Rae’s eyebrows shoot up, and she blows out a breath. “Well, there’s no rush. This is all too fresh for you to make any big decisions based on it. Sleep on it and try to get back into your normal routine with him. See how you feel after a few days.”
I nod and take a deep breath.
She watches me, those green eyes scrutinizing. “I don’t think you want to break up with Jackson.” Her words come out slow and careful.
Just hearing it out loud has my chest tightening. “I don’t,” I say quickly. “But I don’t like this feeling—like I shouldn’t trust him as much as I have.”
Rae frowns. “I get that.”
“I’m sorry I ditched breakfast.”
She waves off my concern. “Don’t worry about it. Are you hungry? Braden kept your pancakes on the warmer.”
“He did? ”
She nods and points over her shoulder with her thumb. “Yeah, I can go get them for you if you want.”
I wipe my eyes again for good measure. “That would be great. Thank you.”
She pats my leg before getting to her feet. “I’ll be right back.”
Before she leaves, I stop her. “Rae?”
She turns.
“Thank you. And tell Braden thanks, too.”
She smiles softly. “I will. Try to think happy thoughts. I’ll be back soon.”
“I’ll try,” I say with a light laugh.
As soon as she’s gone, I let my head fall into my hands. I don’t want to let this get to me, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about his night and all the other possible nights he didn’t feel the need to tell me about.