Chapter Twenty-Seven. Riley
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Riley
I throw on fresh clothes and head down to the lobby, where the concierge shows me to a back exit where Luna is already waiting in the car.
I slide into the back seat beside her, and even though she pastes on a smile, I can see the anxiety in the furrow of her brow and her white-knuckled grip on her phone.
Once the door shuts behind me, Luna immediately takes my hand. “We’re going to be photographed walking to the studio. Are you comfortable being photographed holding hands?”
I blink, shocked. “Um, yes. But are you sure?”
Luna nods, her jaw set. I want to pull her to me and massage all the parts of her that are drawn tight with anxiety right now.
I hate seeing her stressed like this. “Yes. I don’t want to hide.
I’ve been thinking it over, and on the way here I called Ashley and my publicist to strategize.
I’m tired of being so alone and I don’t want to hide when this is the first thing that’s felt real in …
in so long. Ever, maybe. If I hide it, it’ll look like I’m scared or ashamed or got caught doing something wrong.
We’ll get people talking when we walk in, I’ll release the song tomorrow with the notes app screenshot with the date, and Ashley is having a Rolling Stone journalist fly out here now for a feature we’ll shoot the following day.
And ‘Were You Ever Really Here?’ will be the surprise song at the first London show. ”
I can’t tell if she’s being honest about not hiding because she doesn’t want to or if she believes it’s the better strategy now that we’ve been caught.
When she talks about strategy and feelings in the same breath, it’s hard to tell.
But I want to trust her right now, because I know this is a big risk for her.
It’s not fair that she was outed when she was just beginning to figure herself out. “I’m with you, every step of the way.”
When we pull up outside the studio, there are paparazzi ready to film us walking inside. I put on my hat and take a deep breath.
“Riley,” Luna says suddenly. I turn to her. “I know this is a lot. But it’ll be worth it, to go back to what it was like just a few days ago.”
I don’t know that we can go back to that. But I do want to try. “It’s okay. This is your life. I want you, and all the messy parts that come along with you.”
For a moment I think Luna might cry. “Thank you,” she says quietly. She straightens her shoulders and adjusts her dress, then nods at me to open my door.
I have the door closest to the curb, so I open it and step outside, where I’m temporarily blinded by flashing lights. I pull my hat low, then turn back and offer Luna my hand as she steps out of the car. She takes it, and we walk into the studio hand in hand, our heads down.
Once we’re inside, Luna breathes an audible sigh of relief and throws her arms around my neck. I pull her to me. “Now we get to do the fun part,” she says as she kisses me firmly.
I follow her to a studio, where a man in his thirties is sitting by a keyboard on his phone.
There are several guitars and keyboards and a table with about a million knobs on it, and a monitor and amps on the floor.
There’s a mic by the couch in this room, but in front of the table with the soundboard there’s also a glass window that looks into a room with padded walls, a mic, and a headset.
The man wraps Luna in a hug, and although I don’t recognize him, it’s clear they know each other well. She turns to me. “Riley, this is Charles. He’s produced most of my songs with me. Charles, this is Riley.”
I hold out a hand, and Charles just laughs and wraps me in a hug. “Riley, it’s fantastic to meet you. You are simply stunning, and I watch the videos of your cooking every day. I hear it’s to die for.”
I smile wholeheartedly now. I can tell right away how genuine he is. “If you two are still recording tomorrow, I’ll have to bring something extra with Luna’s lunch.”
He side-eyes Luna. “Please keep her. Is it too soon to admit I never liked Hudson? I mean, I love him, just not for you.”
Luna rolls her eyes. “Please. That was never a secret.”
He grins. “Shall we get to it, then?”
Luna nods. I look around, unsure where to go or what to do. In the kitchen I know exactly where to be. But here I’m worried about getting in their way. I sit next to Luna on the couch as she tests out the guitar, and in between strums she takes my hand and kisses the top of it absentmindedly.
She sings a few warm-ups and I watch her unabashedly.
Her range is so incredible. “If you get bored, my driver can take you back to the hotel,” she says once she’s done.
“But otherwise, this is super chill. You were there when I started this song, so if you have ideas or remember things about that day, feel free to jump in.”
Luna starts singing while Charles listens, nodding along and jumping in with the keyboard or his own guitar here or there.
She sings a few more verses than I’ve heard, then stops abruptly.
“I feel like I could tweak the cadence? Like, I kind of want to make it go faster and faster as I get to the changed verses.” She sings the ones she’s talking about again.
Were you already gone
When you took me by the hand
And showed me how big life could be?
If I let true love be damned,
I thought I could make it real
So with my heart I made a raw deal,
But you were so damn cavalier
Were you ever even really here?
Haven’t you always
Kept me near
Holding me on your arm until you were sincere
Then leaving me at the bar where I see everyone else
Have a love that’s complex
Until I look away in defense?
You have what you want and I wished it was me
But I’m too tired to keep up with undying pleas.
I’ll care and you won’t
And that’s how it always goes,
But I’d rather have my own light
Than be someone you still get to say that you know
Were you already gone
When you took me by the hand
And showed me how big life could be?
If I let true love be damned,
I know now it can be real
It doesn’t have to be a raw deal
I’ve shed all the debris
But were you ever even really here?
Charles nods. “Maybe like this?” He sits at a keyboard and sings back to her as she changes some of the melody underneath to be more fast-paced.
She was singing it more like a ballad, and this is verging on pop.
They go back and forth, trading ideas and singing, and he puts different beats under it, and when in the space of an hour it goes from lyrics and a melody into a full-fledged song, my jaw is on the floor.
I start clapping when they finish singing this version of it, and Luna laughs. I lean over and kiss her. “You’re incredible at this.”
“It’s not done yet! I still need to record it, then Charles is going to be working overtime tonight and tomorrow morning to edit and mix it.”
“Watching you both make this is just so amazing. I can’t believe how intuitive it is for you. It’s mind-blowing to know that tomorrow people will be listening to this.”
“It’s not usually nearly this fast,” Charles explains. “Some songs take days, weeks, even. It’s easier with this one since it’s more fully formed and we’ve worked together a lot. But if we weren’t in a time crunch, we’d still probably be taking longer, just in case.”
Luna nods. “Yeah, the rest of the album will be a slower process.” Her eyes suddenly light up.
“I actually had a new song idea the other day. Not the one I sent you, something less developed. I think it might end up being the single on the album. I can already see what the music video would look like.”
“We can play around with it after we record these vocals if you want,” Charles offers. I can tell he’s excited to dig in too.
I stick around for a while to watch Luna record her vocals inside the booth, but I didn’t realize how long recording a song takes.
It’s not just recording it once; they do some lines over and over, and after a little more than an hour I kiss her goodbye and head out.
As long as Luna’s plan works, everything will be okay.
But if me being with her hurts her as much as it did in the last twenty-four hours, I won’t be able to do it.
I’d rather protect her than let her fight for us.