Chapter 3 #2
There was a pause. “Huh? I told you what I know, dude. Jules is coming to town soon, and she’ll be staying at Grams’ house. What more do you want?”
The telltale lilt of Whit’s voice and the inflections in his voice gave away his physical status.
“You’re drunk.” I put my hand to my brow, kneading the skin there, trying to will the headache that was forming to go away. Years of dealing with my Mom, who was constantly inebriated, gave me a radar for these things. My plans to talk this through tonight with Whit had little chance of happening.
“Meh, a little tipsy.” There was more raucous conversation in the background. “I’m lettin’ loose with the boys. Got a big game Sunday.”
“That’s great,” I said, sarcastically, not caring one bit. “So when is she arriving?”
Bottles clinked in the background. “Uh…Sunday?”
My heart sped up in my chest.
“Sunday? As in the day after tomorrow?”
“No, next week, next Sunday. She’s got an appointment with a surgeon on that Monday.”
Now, my heart stopped altogether.
“Surgeon? What’s going on? Is it her back?”
“Yeah, it’s her back. She’s going to a doctor in Roanoke for surgery. The details are fuzzy.”
I shook my head and squeezed the phone tighter in my hand.
“Is she?—”
“Listen, I’ll talk to you later,” Whit interrupted. “Too many people here. I can barely hear you.”
His words were still trying to sink into my consciousness.
Had she been injured again?
“Whit! I need more details. Did she?—”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, promise.” Then the line went dead.
I looked at my phone screen, mind whirling and insides tearing. Unchecked anger at Whit poured through me, and I tossed the phone into the passenger seat.
All I needed were details, and my best friend was too drunk to explain anything.
You don’t have the right to know.
The sobering thought flashed through my awareness, and my anger quieted, overtaken by a sadness that never really disappeared.
I hadn’t seen Julianna since New Year’s Day, fifteen years ago.
I could still see the silhouette of her broken body lying out in the hospital bed, the bruises peppering her face and arms, and the brightness of her smile at the sight of me, which had contrasted everything terrible that was going on at that moment.
Then I remembered what came after that, and a lump formed in my throat.
I threw away the thoughts. Instead, I thought about Lakey and how she was probably wondering where I was now that darkness had fallen. It was enough to get me on the road and driving toward home.
I lived in a hollow thirty minutes from the town of Mill Creek.
I had bought the large parcel of land a couple of years ago and put a lot of time and effort into reviving the old farmhouse that was the centerpiece.
I’d finished the renovations a couple of months ago and moved in.
It was perfect for Lakey and me. The house was nestled between three mountains, surrounded by sunlight and the natural beauty of Appalachia, a haven of solitude.
I wouldn’t have known the piece of paradise existed if it hadn’t been for Whit, who told me in passing years ago that it was Julianna’s favorite place when they were kids. I couldn’t get it off my mind after that.
I couldn’t get her off my mind, either.
I’d spent my young life focusing on football and screwing around with every girl who would take my advances. Then, when I had Julianna in my hands, I broke her. It was enough to make me sick.
I had some casual hookups over the years, but nothing ever stuck. No girl was her. Whit had never suggested that she’d return to Mill Creek, so I couldn’t pinpoint what kept me holding on to the idea of her. But she was always there, lingering in the corners of everything .
I frequently wondered where she was and what she was doing. Was she hurting? Was she packing for a trip to her hometown? Was she alone or with a friend? Or a boyfriend?
I was going down a dangerous path, but I let my mind imagine that I was helping her move back to Mill Creek.
I thought having the right to touch her, to hold her, to help her, to know about what she was going through.
In my alternate reality, she’d forgiven me a long time ago, and I’d spent every moment earning back her trust from the stupid decisions of my youth.
I was still crazy about her. But I’d have to count it a win if she ever spoke to me again.
Saturday mornings were usually reserved for sleeping in, but I was awakened at sunrise by a distinct, piercing tone. Lakey’s ears flopped as she ran with me to get the phone I’d left lying on the bathroom counter.
“You son of a bitch,” I growled after I pushed the green button to answer the call.
“I know. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Whit started. “I’ve got one hell of a headache, and I know I deserve everything you’re going to say, but have a little mercy.”
“You can start by explaining everything about Julianna. Now.”
I could hear him gritting his teeth against the sickness and headache. We weren’t young bucks anymore. Alcohol required a steep price.
“Julianna said she found out she needs surgery on her back, and soon. Something has happened with her doctor, so she’s having the surgery in Roanoke.
Weird choice of place, but apparently it’s a doctor connection or something?
Anyway, that’s what’s up. Herniated discs, she said.
Nothing acute, but I don’t know, sounds serious to me. ”
“Fuck.” I expelled the curse with a breath, walked into my bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed.
Lakey lay at my feet and leaned her head against my bare foot.
I ran my hand through my hair, nervous and scared, more emotional than I had a right to be over someone whom I didn’t even communicate with anymore.
But she wasn’t just anyone.
“Things still aren’t comfortable between us, and I don’t like it,” he continued. “I’ve been a shitty brother to her since Grams died. But it’s time that changes. I need to be there through this as much as I can.”
I knew the relationship between Julianna and Whit was strained. From an outsider’s perspective, it felt like a classic case of miscommunication. Maybe if they’d discuss the past or make more efforts in the present, things could be settled with them again.
Whit knew how I felt about Julianna. I’d told him about my crush on her one drunken night years ago when it was just him and me.
I tacked on the addition that I knew she was too good for me and I’d never pursue her.
He’d laughed it off and given me a long, inebriated speech about how I was Julianna’s brother, too.
It was a gross insinuation, and we’d never spoken of it again.
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate anything you do for her, man,” I replied, looking at the wood grain on the floor. “Julianna is the smartest woman I’ve ever known. She’ll see you’re making an effort.”
He blew out a vast, elongated breath, sounding exasperated.
“What?”
“I can hear it in your voice,” he said firmly. “You’re still crushing on her, aren’t you? You know how ridiculous that is, right? You’re in love with the idea of her, not her. Neither one of us knows Jules anymore.”
“She doesn’t know us, either,” I grumbled, not wanting to refute him. “She doesn’t know how much we’ve changed.”
“Look, I’m not trying to be a dick,” Whit replied.
“I know she meant a lot to you way back when. I know you still carry a torch for her, and that’s why you’ve been jacking off for ten years instead of finding yourself a nice person to settle down with.
But if you’re gonna approach her once she’s back in Mill Creek, you need to come from a ‘let me help you without expectation’ angle, not a ‘get to know you and let me bone you’ place. You get what I’m saying?”
“So she’s single?” I asked, knowing it would inflame him.
“Don’t even think about it, Bram.”
I chuckled, but Whit was right. I could help her if she’d let me, but anything more could never happen.
I wasn’t the Bram of the past. But even at thirty-four, I lived under the weight of it, in a town that half hated me, struggling to do what I could to mend my reputation and be a good man.
Regardless, Julianna would always need and deserve more than I could give.
“Noted. Is Grams’ house ready to go?”
“It should be fine. She said something about driving a U-Haul to Mill Creek, so she must be bringing a lot of stuff.”
“Oh, okay,” I stumbled, thinking about how to phrase what I needed to ask. “Look, if you want me to?—”
“Yeah, she’s gonna need your help,” Whit cut in. “She’ll be alone, and with all that stuff with her back, we can’t take chances. I’d be grateful if you could go over and give her a hand.”
“Say less,” I said, and I couldn’t keep from smiling.
“Damn it. Are you smiling?” Whit chided, knowing instinctively how I was responding, and I grinned even bigger. “I mean it, Bram, don’t fuck with her. Or fuck her or do anything but move boxes, got it? ”
“Calm down,” I said, standing. Lakey groaned at my movement. “I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I want her to be comfortable. And safe. Just like you do, I’m sure.”
“Damn straight.” He cleared his throat, which meant he would get serious, and I braced for it.
“You know, I still feel like a terrible brother for leaving her the night of the party.” I froze, my heart in my throat.
“She’d have been with me if I’d stayed away from Amber.
Then she wouldn’t have wrecked your truck and broken her back. If I’d?—”
He still didn’t know Julianna and I had been together the night of the wreck. The reality of what occurred was much worse than Whit leaving her alone to get off with an old fling.
“Can’t look at it that way. Regrets don’t change a thing. You can only move forward. You can show her you care. And I will show her a thing or two about how much I care.” I couldn’t resist chuckling and hung up the phone on his string of expletives.
I would respect Whit and maintain proper interactions with Julianna. But I would never not think about her in other terms. And I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t find appropriate, friendly ways to tell her how much I cared, even if romance between us was impossible.