Chapter 8
EIGHT
From the living-room window, I watch as Giles carefully places his beloved pet in his car, clutching her close to his body.
Tears burn my eyes as I fall into Leo, let his comforting arms support me.
He got home just after I found Willow, and I was grateful that he offered to go and tell Giles while I stayed by her side.
‘I was supposed to be looking after her,’ I sob. ‘What if she dies?’
Leo holds me tighter. ‘It’s not your fault,’ he says. ‘She must have been poorly. It would have happened wherever she was. You can’t blame yourself, Ria.’
I ease back, catching sight of the damp patch my tears have left on Leo’s shirt. ‘I don’t understand it. She’s only four years old.’ My voice cracks. ‘What could be wrong with her?’ I bury my head in the crook of Leo’s arm.
‘I don’t know, but she’ll pull through, Ria. We have to believe that.’
I swipe away tears with the back of my hand. ‘Giles said she’s only just been checked by the vet.’ I bury my head in my hands. ‘What if . . . what if she ate something here that’s harmed her? Dogs aren’t supposed to have chocolate, are they? What if Willow found some?’
Leo places his hands on my shoulders. ‘Ria, there’s no chocolate in the house – you don’t even like it. And I haven’t had it for ages. Not since we moved in. This is not your fault.’
‘There are other things dogs can’t eat,’ I protest. ‘I don’t even know what they are.
I should have asked Giles. I should have checked before she came in the house!
Did you notice, when he was here, he could barely look at me?
If Willow dies, then he’ll never forgive me.
’ I remember Eleanor’s warning to look after Willow; how she’s all Giles has left.
I turn back to the window in time to see Giles’s car reach the gate. Even from this distance, I can see the anguish on his face. ‘I need to go and talk to him,’ I say. ‘Now.’
‘I don’t think that’s a good—’
I shrug Leo off and run outside in my bare feet, rushing towards the gate as Giles leans out of his window to key in the security code. I reach his car just as the gate eases open and his window raises. Either he doesn’t notice me, or deliberately ignores me, so I knock on his window.
Giles looks at me for a moment through tear-filled eyes, then lowers the window. ‘I have to get Willow to the vet.’ His voice cracks. ‘She’s not in a good state. I have to save my girl.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say. ‘She was fine when I went to bed. She was fast asleep. I don’t understand what could have happened.’
‘Please, Ria – I have to get to the emergency vet,’ he says.
‘Yes, yes, you go. Please let me know how she does.’
He doesn’t answer but rolls up his window.
And all I can do is stand helplessly by while he drives off.
It’s only when Leo calls to me that I make my way back to the house, feeling as though angry eyes are on me the whole time.
If it’s not the neighbours watching me, the CCTV cameras will be.
Barely any time has passed since I woke to find that Willow was poorly, yet I’m sure the whole of Silverleaf will know by now.
‘What did he say?’ Leo asks when I get to the door. He takes my hand and leads me inside, and I fight back tears that sting my eyes and blur my vision.
‘Not much. He’s distraught.’
‘Willow will be okay,’ Leo assures me, holding me tightly. ‘And if she isn’t – it’s nothing you did.’
I pull away from him and head to the kitchen, where Willow’s water and food bowls still sit on the floor. My stomach wrenches, and when Leo tries to comfort me, my body stiffens, even though none of this is his fault.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say immediately. ‘This is just . . .’
‘I know.’
I dab my eyes with my hand. ‘Didn’t you say you needed to do a bit of work this morning?’
‘That can wait,’ Leo says. ‘Especially after this. And it’s Saturday.’ His eyes dart around as if he doesn’t know what to do next. ‘I’ve had an idea. Why don’t you have a nice hot shower and get dressed. I’m taking you somewhere this morning.’
‘No, Leo, I really don’t feel like—’
‘Please humour me. I know exactly where we need to go.’
An hour and a half later, when we reach Hampstead Heath, I realise where Leo is taking me: Hampstead Pergola, the beautiful spot where we had our first date.
He’d told me when he first met me that he wanted to do something different.
To show me that our whole relationship would be unlike anything either of us had experienced before.
And he was right; from that moment I knew there was something special between us.
‘I can’t believe we haven’t been here since we met,’ he says. ‘Five years. I think it’s about time. Let’s leave everything behind for a couple of hours and get back to us.’
‘Thank you,’ I say, pulling him into a hug.
The weathered pillars and elevated walkway draped with wisteria, jasmine and clematis make it feel enchanting, just like last time we were here. We order takeaway coffee from the café and sip as we walk through gardens blooming with bright shades of flowers, holding each other’s hands.
‘Tell me something you’ve never told me before,’ I say to Leo.
He stops and smiles. I’d asked him something similar when we came here on our first date.
Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.
And Leo had. He’d told me how he was scared that no matter what salary he earned, he’d always live in fear of losing it all.
Of having nothing again. I’d admired his bravery in admitting that; it can’t have been easy when we’d only just met.
Some women might have been put off by Leo’s show of vulnerability, but it only made me warm to him.
He wasn’t some creepy oversharer; he just felt at ease with me.
Leo resumes walking. ‘That’s difficult,’ he says. ‘I tell you everything. There’s nothing you don’t know about me.’
‘No one tells their partner everything,’ I challenge. ‘There are always things we keep to ourselves. There have to be. There are even things we keep from ourselves.’
‘It’s still there,’ I say, pointing to the bench Leo and I sat on five years ago.
How different we are now: marriage has enveloped us in comforting familiarity, erasing any questions that would have sat between us in the beginning.
Questions about where this relationship would go, or who we really were.
Leo smiles. ‘Some things never change.’ We sit on the bench.
‘Anyway, I tell you all the important stuff.’ He turns to me.
‘Are you trying to tell me something, Ria?’ When he grits his teeth, I know he’s bracing himself for something he won’t want to hear.
Leo’s biggest problem is that he’s always expecting bad news.
Thankfully that doesn’t transfer over to his professional life.
I open my mouth to tell him that I, too, tell him everything, but that wouldn’t be true.
Not now. I haven’t told Leo that I have no intention of forgetting about the blonde woman who was killed in front of me.
The one who I don’t believe for a second my mind conjured up.
‘You get to hear the important stuff,’ I respond. ‘That’s all we need, isn’t it?’
He takes my hand. ‘Actually, there is something I’ve never told you.’ His eyebrows knit together as he looks at me and I can sense he’s scrambling to form the right words.
A wave of nausea floods through me. ‘What is it?’ I feel myself recoiling, a self-protective mechanism to prepare myself for what he’s about to say.
‘I know you must feel like my work is my whole life,’ he begins. ‘And that’s not exactly what you signed up for. This promotion – it happened so quickly; we should have had years before I was ready to take on extra responsibility.’
‘You were ready,’ I say. ‘Or you wouldn’t have got the job. And I told you I’d always support you in your career. I meant it, Leo.’
He nods. ‘I know. But sometimes I wonder if I was ready. I feel like I’m constantly trying to live up to this idea people have of me.
Does that make sense?’ He stares into the distance, where an elderly couple are strolling.
They’re holding hands, and I can’t help but smile, and then I notice that Leo has let go of mine.
‘What are you trying to tell me, Leo?’
He strokes my cheek. ‘You need to know . . . that you mean more to me than my career.’
‘Leo!’ Overcome with relief, I jab his arm. ‘I thought . . . I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t good.’
He smiles. ‘And I thought you were the optimistic one!’ He kisses me.
‘Don’t you know by now how much I love you?
There are no hidden surprises, Ria. Maybe you need to try to stop looking for them.
’ He folds me into his arms and we watch the elderly man and woman. ‘One day that will be us,’ Leo says.
We sit in silence for a while, taking in our surroundings. But it’s not long before reality hits me again. ‘I should message Giles,’ I say, pulling out my phone. ‘There must be news by now.’
Leo nods. ‘Good idea, but please don’t panic if he doesn’t answer straight away.’
Sending the text offers me little comfort, and it’s only when Leo takes my hand and tells me that, whatever happens, we’ll get through it together, that I start to feel better.
I try to focus on Leo’s words and push everything else away. But the burning questions remain: who was that woman in the white skirt? Who is Alex Vale? And after that video of me being attacked, what will be next?
After dinner, Leo and I sit together on the sofa watching Stranger Things. There’s been no further message from Alex Vale, and when I checked while Leo was loading the dishwasher, their account had been deleted. I won’t let this dead end stop me.
The doorbell rings, making me jump.
Leo frowns. ‘Who could that be? It’s a bit late.’ He gets up and heads to the door, while I pause Netflix and listen.
The voices are muffled and I can’t tell who Leo’s speaking to, so I head into the hall, stopping short when I see Giles on the doorstep. He stares at me, shaking his head; he looks a shadow of himself, not the assertive, confident man he’s always seemed.
‘Giles, I’m so sorry,’ I say, approaching them. ‘What did the vet say?’
He turns to Leo, whose face has drained of blood.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask.
Giles’s eyes are red, and he takes a moment to answer. ‘Willow is in intensive care. They’re monitoring her kidneys. My darling Willow.’ He lets out a sob. ‘I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ I repeat. ‘Do they know what happened? Was she sick?’
Giles stares at me, his hands shaking. ‘Willow ingested something poisonous when she was here. Antifreeze.’