Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
One Year Ago
Leo
Leo sits next to Ria’s bed, mesmerised by the intermittent background beeping of the heart monitor.
He’s used to being in this hospital, but working in one is far different from watching your wife cling to life within the stark white walls.
Being here as a family member is driving him crazy, and every time he hears shoes clacking on the too shiny floors, he wants to smash his fist into something.
What a mess this has turned into, when Silverleaf was supposed to be their dream. His dream, that voice in his head whispers. Never Ria’s. You brought her there, and look what happened.
He stares at his wife, who is hooked up to an IV drip, a blood pressure cuff on her arm, and his breath catches in his throat.
He tells himself he brought Ria to Silverleaf to get her away from Peter Harvey, although deep down he knows it was for his own selfish reasons.
His need to symbolise his success and status to the world.
He’s about to look away, go and grab a coffee to sustain him through the long day, when Ria’s eyes flicker open. He sucks in a breath. He has to prepare himself; he knows from Ethan that she might not be the same woman she was before her attack.
‘Hey,’ Leo says, reaching for her hand. It feels warm and clammy, but he’ll take that over cold and stiff any day.
Ria’s eyes widen as she slowly takes in her surroundings. Her hand slips out of his and she looks dazed and confused, but that’s to be expected. ‘What?’ she asks, probably unable to form any more words. Ethan also warned him that brain injuries are unpredictable. A wait-and-see-type situation.
‘You’re in Royal London Hospital,’ he says. ‘Please try not to worry.’ As he says this, he feels a devastating mixture of love and guilt.
‘What happened to me?’ Ria asks, trying to pull herself up, wincing with the pain it causes. ‘I can’t . . . remember.’ Her face wrinkles, and it saddens him to see how gaunt it’s become in just three days.
Leo is stunned. ‘You can’t remember what happened?’ His pulse races. ‘It’s okay,’ he assures her, stroking her hand. ‘Just try and rest.’
A tear appears in the corner of her eye. ‘But I want to know what happened to me.’ More tears come. She looks so lost and childlike, he just wants to hug her and help her believe it when he tells her it will all be fine. Even though it would be a lie. Nothing can ever be okay after what he’s done.
‘Everything will be okay. We’ll get through this together.’
Ria takes her time to answer. ‘Weren’t we planning to move?’ she asks. ‘We were going to rent our flat out and we were looking for houses. I just can’t remember anything else.’ Again, she sobs.
Leo freezes. Ria doesn’t remember moving. It was months ago that they put in the offer to Giles. Months of her life have been wiped out.
He’s at a crossroads now, and no roads lead anywhere good.
He wants to tell Ria the truth, that they’ve already moved to Silverleaf, but something stops him.
If she can’t remember living there, then maybe she won’t remember what happened; what led to her attack.
If she starts asking questions, then their lives could crash down around them, and everything he’s worked so hard for will be for nothing.
He looks down at his wife; he can’t bear to see her so helpless and fragile when normally she is the epitome of strength.
He closes his eyes and tries to drown the guilt, but it will always be there.
Ria will get through this. She can’t remember anything; there is a blank page for him to write on.
And there is a way he can lessen the impact on her; he can protect her from what she saw.
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘We chose a house. But it will be a while before we can move in.’ Leo has no intention of taking Ria back there.
He will tell Giles they are selling up. There will be other houses.
But there’s no point telling her the truth about what happened there; that they moved to a place she can’t even remember.
It would be too traumatic for her in this state.
At least, that’s what he tells himself. ‘The house isn’t quite ready yet.
’ His lies cause a sharp pain in his abdomen.
The body really does keep the score. ‘You’ll be able to go home soon.
Back to the flat. You love it there, don’t you?
We’ll stay there until the house is ready. ’
She gives a small nod. ‘What happened to me?’ Ria asks. ‘I need to know, Leo.’ Anxiety laces her words and her eyes widen in preparation to hear what she knows will cause her suffering.
‘It . . . it was bad, Ria. You had a terrible fall. From the balcony in the flat. I’m so sorry. I came home from the hospital and found you . . . on the patio.’ Leo looks away. What is he doing?
‘I fell? How?’
Ria stares at him for so long he feels as though he’s withering under her gaze, his lie written all over his face.
He needs to stick more closely to the truth.
Say it happened somewhere else. Giles’s words from that terrible night ring in his ears.
‘I . . . there’s more,’ he says, forcing himself to look at Ria.
‘You were attacked. In the flat.’ He tries not to flinch when he says the last part.
Ria opens her mouth, but no words come out.
‘I think . . . I don’t know for sure, but it could have been Peter Harvey,’ he says. ‘And there was no sign of a break-in so it seems as though you let him in.’
Again she stares at him, searching his face. ‘But I would never have let him in.’
Leo winces. ‘I think it was the alcohol. Your defences were down. And he’d left you alone for weeks, so you probably didn’t think and just opened the door.’ He takes her hand again, surprised that this time it’s so cold.
‘Have they . . . arrested him?’
Leo glances at his hands, and his chest tightens as he focuses on his platinum wedding band.
He already regrets the lie he’s told, and how far it’s gone already.
A hard mass forms in his throat, threatening to choke him as he prepares to lie further.
‘No. I’m sorry, Ria. They couldn’t find any evidence. ’
‘But his DNA must be in the flat? There’ll be something!’ She tries to pull herself up, but winces and can’t manage.
He takes her arm to help her. ‘He was clever, Ria. He cleaned the whole place. There wasn’t a trace of anything.’
Ria closes her eyes, a stream of tears trickling down her cheeks, finding their way on to the white sheets. She stays silent for so long that Leo’s convinced she’s fallen asleep.
He stands up, desperate to get out of this room for a moment, but she opens her eyes again. ‘How long have I been here?’
‘Three days. You’ve been slipping in and out of consciousness.
’ Telling this snippet of truth is a relief.
Before this, Leo thought he was done with lying.
He’d vowed never again to get himself into a situation where he’d have to.
Lies, he knows, only get bigger until they bury the teller under an avalanche.
A nurse comes into the room and checks the drip Ria’s hooked up to. ‘Oh, good, you’re awake,’ she says, beaming at her.
‘We’ve been talking,’ Leo says. ‘It’s the first time.’
‘That’s wonderful news,’ the nurse says. Leo thinks her name is Susie, but he can’t be sure. He’s hardly been able to take in anything these last three days. ‘And how are you feeling, Ria?’ she continues. ‘Are you in any pain?’
‘A bit,’ Ria replies.
‘We’ve given you extra-strong pain medication,’ she says.
Morphine, Leo knows. ‘But tell us straight away if the pain gets worse.’ She checks her watch.
‘The doctor will be doing his rounds soon.’ She smiles at Leo.
‘And aren’t you lucky to have your very own doctor right here, twenty-four-seven.
’ She places her hand on Ria’s arm. ‘He hasn’t left your side since you came in. ’
When Susie, or whatever her name is, has left the room, her shoes making that irritating squeak on the floor and Leo grimaces. He turns to Ria just as she closes her eyes again.
‘I’m tired,’ she mumbles. ‘I just want to sleep.’
‘I’ll go home and have a shower,’ Leo says, desperately torn between wanting to run from here and needing to be by Ria’s side. ‘But I’ll be back straight away.’
Ria doesn’t respond.
Lies eventually eat us from within, Leo’s mum used to say.
She’d brought him up to value the truth above all else, and now here he is, drowning in an ocean of deceit.
As he drives to Silverleaf Heights, Leo’s chest tightens and his pulse races.
Perhaps this stress will bring on a heart attack, even at thirty-five. It’s no more than he deserves.
He gets through the security gate and pulls up to their house, turning off the ignition but staying in the car for a moment.
It’s not too late – he could drive straight back to the hospital and tell Ria the truth.
He’ll come clean about everything, going back months.
But he looks around him and once again feels that swell of pressure that he’s trapped here now.
He’d tried to forget about it, and had prayed that the sale would fall through, but of course Giles wanted them to have the house and would have done anything to ensure they got it.
So Leo has had to become an actor, even fooling himself sometimes that he loves it here, that he’s living his dream.
He deals with death constantly at work, but this is different.
He has to block it all out; that’s the only way he’ll function.
All he can do now is be a good husband to Ria to make up for it all.
Because it’s his fault they’re even here.
He gets out of the car and makes his way to the house next door. Giles is expecting him, and Leo knows he’ll want to know how Ria is. He’ll want to know everything. No doubt Giles will have definitive answers about how this mess will be dealt with.
‘Leo,’ Giles says, beckoning him inside. ‘Did anyone see you come over here?’
Leo shakes his head.
Giles gives a sharp intake of breath. ‘Good. That’s good. I’ve just messaged Xander to make sure he won’t pop over unexpectedly, and thankfully he said he’s out with work colleagues.’
Hearing this, Leo should feel some sort of relief, but there’s only the heavy weight of guilt.
He follows Giles into the living room and perches on the edge of an armchair, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.
He’s unshaven and his hair is a mess – a state he’d never normally let himself be seen in by anyone.
‘Right. We’ve got a lot to talk about,’ Giles says. He walks to the sideboard and lifts the decanter, pouring them both a whiskey. ‘I think this will be much needed,’ he says, handing him a glass. ‘How’s Ria doing?’ He takes a sip from his glass.
Leo clears his throat. ‘She regained consciousness today.’ The words stick in his throat. This is between him and Ria; he shouldn’t be speaking to Giles about it.
‘That’s great news,’ Giles says. ‘And did she say anything? Did she see who attacked her?’
Leo glances at Giles. Was it him? ‘She . . . can’t remember anything. The last thing she remembers is that we were planning to move and had been looking for a house. That was months ago.’
Giles’s head jolts up. ‘Ah . . . that’s awful.’ He frowns, falling silent for a moment. Then he smiles. ‘I hate to say this, Leo, but that actually really helps us.’
‘Us.’ Leo can barely say the word. But Giles is right; the two men are tied together now, and it’s all because of Leo’s lie months ago.
‘What did you tell Ria about what happened to her?’ Giles asks.
‘I panicked,’ Leo says. ‘I . . . At first I said she’d fallen from the balcony in our flat, but her injuries . . . they pointed to an attack. So I told her she was attacked in the flat by a man who’s been harassing her. The ex-teacher at her school.’
‘I’m impressed,’ Giles says. ‘Not easy to lie under pressure.’
‘The lies just poured from my mouth.’ Leo groans, his stomach tightening.
‘I know this is difficult,’ Giles says. ‘She’s your wife, and you love her.
Just like I loved Moira. And we do what we have to for them, don’t we?
This is the best thing to protect Ria. She’d never want to live here if she knew this was where she was attacked.
You’ve already told me she hasn’t settled here. ’
‘I want to sell the house, Giles. There’s no way I can keep living here after what happened to Ria. And to Kimmy. And what are we supposed to tell the neighbours?’
‘We’ll tell them the same thing you’ve told Ria.
I’ll explain that she’s had severe head trauma and memory loss so she doesn’t remember moving to Silverleaf.
I’ll say you’re planning to come back but you need it to be a fresh start for her, so as not to confuse and unsettle her.
Leave it with me. I’ll convince them it’s in Ria’s best interests to go along with it. For medical reasons.’
Nausea swirls in Leo’s stomach. ‘And if they don’t agree?’
‘Let me worry about that.’
‘I just want to leave. Get Ria away and start over properly.’
Giles slowly shakes his head ‘Leo, I can’t let you leave. You know that. That house is yours. I don’t want anyone else moving in – vetting people is too stressful. It’s too easy to make a mistake.’
‘You’ll find someone else. You already said there were loads of people interested.’
‘But I can’t take that risk, Leo. I’m sorry. I have to trust the people who live in Silverleaf.’
‘Ria’s recovery will take months, maybe even a year. She won’t be able to work. The best place for her to be while she gets better is in the home that she loves. The flat.’
‘Take as long as you like,’ Giles says. ‘I’ll cover your mortgage payments for as long as you need. Up to a year. So you won’t need to worry about paying two mortgages.’
Leo shakes his head. Giles must be desperate if he’s willing to do this – but it only makes Leo more determined to get far away from Silverleaf.
‘We don’t have a mortgage on the flat. Ria paid it off with the inheritance her parents left her when they died.
Look, thanks for the offer, but Ria and I need to get out of here, Giles.
Sorry. I love it here, but . . . we just can’t stay. Not now.’
Giles sighs and sips his whiskey. ‘Leo. Remember what I did for you? Are you going to throw that back in my face?’
Leo body turns cold. Giles has never once mentioned the favour he did for Leo, and Leo had put it far from his mind.
‘That child died at your hands, and I helped you cover it up.’