Chapter 2 #2
The morning breezes by just like any other: a constantly evolving running order, conversations with correspondents in the field, discussions with the director about graphics and screens.
There is an almost permanent line of reporters and producers waiting to talk to the editor beside me.
More often than not, to request a longer duration for their package or two-way.
Everyone always wants just a little more time.
I don’t miss those days at all: begging to get on-air, constantly fretting when I didn’t. There simply isn’t time to tell every story.
The rest of the team are unusually quiet.
I take a quick look to my left, and notice that the producer has the latest roster up on her screen.
She closes it down as soon as she sees me looking.
Rosters are second only to breaking news when it comes to influencing stress levels in the newsroom.
They come out late and rarely go down well, with the distribution of the most unpopular shifts—lates, weekends, overnights—always cause for contention.
I work Monday to Friday now, and haven’t requested any leave for over six months, so, unlike my poor colleagues, there is nothing roster-shaped for me to worry about.
An hour before the program, I visit makeup.
It’s a nice place to escape to—relatively peaceful and quiet compared with the constant noise of the newsroom.
My hair is blow-dried into an obedient chestnut bob, and my face is covered with HD-grade foundation.
I wear more makeup for work than I did for my wedding.
The thought forces me to retreat inside myself for a moment, and I feel the ridge of indentation on my finger, where my ring used to be.
The program goes mostly according to plan, despite a few last-minute changes while we are on-air: some breaking news, a delayed TV package, a camera with a mind of its own in the studio, and a dodgy feed from Washington.
I’m forced to wrap up an overenthusiastic political correspondent in Downing Street, one who regularly takes up more than their allotted time.
Some people like the sound of their own voices a little too much.
The debrief begins while I’m still on set, waiting to say good-bye to viewers after the weather segment.
Nobody wants to hang around any longer than absolutely necessary after the program, so they always start without me.
It’s a gathering of correspondents and producers who worked on the show, but is also attended by representatives of other departments: home news, foreign news, editing, graphics, as well as the Thin Controller.
I swing by my desk to collect my Tupperware carrier before joining everyone, eager to share my latest culinary creations with the team. I haven’t told anyone that it’s my birthday today yet, but I might.
I make my way across the newsroom toward them, and stop briefly when I see a woman I don’t recognize.
She has her back to me, with two small children dressed in matching outfits by her side.
I notice the cute cupcakes my colleagues are already eating.
Not homemade—like mine—but shop-bought and expensive-looking.
Then I return my attention to the woman handing them out.
I stare at her bright red hair, framing her pretty face with a bob so sharp it could have been cut with a laser.
When she turns and smiles in my direction it feels like a slap.
Someone passes me a glass of warm prosecco, and I see the drinks trolley that management always orders from catering whenever a member of staff leaves.
It happens a lot in this business. The Thin Controller taps his glass with an overgrown fingernail, then he starts to speak, strange-sounding words tumbling out of his crumb-covered lips.
“We can’t wait to welcome you back…”
It’s the only sentence my ears manage to translate. I stare at Cat Jones, the woman who presented the program before I did, standing there with her trademark red hair, and two beautiful little girls. I feel physically sick.
“… and our thanks to Anna, of course, for taking the helm while you were away.”
Eyes are turned and glasses are raised in my direction. My hands start to tremble and I hope my face is doing a better job of hiding my feelings.
“It was on the roster, I’m so sorry, we all thought you knew.”
The producer standing next to me whispers the words but I’m unable to form a reply.
The Thin Controller apologizes too, afterward. He sits in his office, while I stand, and stares at his hands while he speaks, as though the words he is struggling to find might be written on his sweaty fingers. He thanks me, and tells me that I’ve done a great job filling in for the last …
“Two years,” I say, when he doesn’t appear to know or understand how long it has been.
He shrugs as though it were nothing.
“It is her job, I’m afraid. She has a contract. We can’t sack people for having a baby, not even when they have two!”
He laughs.
I don’t.
“When does she come back?” I ask.
A frown folds itself onto the vast space that is his forehead.
“She comes back tomorrow. It’s all on the…
” I watch as he tries and fails to find a substitute for the word “roster,” like anything beginning with the letter R.
“… it’s all on the woster, has been for some time.
You’re back on the correspondent desk, but don’t worry, you can still fill in for her, and present the program during school holidays, Christmas and Easter, that sort of thing.
We all think you did a tewwific job. Here’s your new contract. ”
I stare down at the crisp white sheets of A4 paper, covered in carefully constructed words from a faceless HR employee. My eyes only seem able to focus on one line:
News Correspondent: Anna Andrews.
As I step out of his office, I see her again: my replacement.
Although I suppose the truth is that I was only ever hers.
It’s a terrible thing to admit, even to myself, but as I look at Cat Jones with her perfect hair and perfect children, standing there chatting and laughing with my team, I wish she was dead.