Epilogue
Lily
SUMMER
E lephants!” I yell into the dry air, the bright red earth an indication of how far from home we truly are. But when I turn to see Graham, his hair blowing in the wind as we ride on top of a Land Rover speeding down the African plain on safari, the smile on his face tells me I’ve taken my home with me on this trip.
Maybe that’s the difference between what I thought my parents had and what I wanted to have all that time. It took me ages to realize that the greatest thing we can accomplish is to live a life of love. The ultimate bucket list item is to make someone our first choice. So, I don’t need to be afraid of being limited or unable to care for him the way he needs because, somehow, love gives you the ability to be more than the person you are on your own.
The sparrow tattoo on my wrist peeks out as I extend my arm to point out a baby elephant that has just appeared from the brush. I grin, knowing how proud Sparrow is of me for letting love in and (for once in my life) using my spitfire spirit for something worthwhile and not internally destructive.
“C’mon, honey,” Graham says, affection dripping off his words. He places his hand on top of mine—the one gripping one of the bars of the open-sided vehicle so we don’t fly off—and rubs small circles with his thumb over my knuckles. The shiver it gives me has nothing to do with the adventure we’re on and everything to do with the person I’m with.
Far in the distance, at the top of a hill, the silhouettes of trees blend with the silhouettes of giraffes. The pattern is almost one I could weave on a design, and I want to try to figure out how to make what I’m seeing into latte art one day. We’ve seen rhinos and a cheetah too.
Just yesterday, we went on a Nile River cruise, with crocodiles lurking just under the surface and larger-than-life hippos growling and breaking through the water with their giant mouths and teeth open to the sky. They’re honestly terrifying animals, and I was incredibly grateful to be in the middle of a large boat. The truth is, I still held my breath anytime we drifted past one and plastered myself to Graham’s side (not that he minded).
We decided late last night, while we were tucked away in our room at the lodge after eating our fill of delicious food and wine, that we’d go on at least one adventure each year for the rest of our lives. Let’s face it. Our whole life will be an adventure, given the chemistry between us, which is always waiting to explode. But while I used to fear it, I now crave it because I know that spark creates something magical when each of our elements comes together. Much like the recipes and experiments I make with chocolate and baked goods, being with Graham is like inventing something new with the same elements every time. How could one possibly grow bored of that?
Deep in my soul, I know, while I still ache for the time we missed, there’s an appreciation for him that I’m not sure I would’ve had if we didn’t go through heartache with each other and come out on the other side. There’s a certain strength in our relationship that I know is immovable because we wounded each other and then found the courage to heal together.
We know how much it hurts to fight with each other, so we fight for each other. And that has made all the difference.
It’s not perfect. There are days I still want to throw things because I get caught up in my own head, wanting my own way. Yet, Graham is ever-present—steady, sure, and willing to investigate everything possible to bring a smile to my face. Since we’ve been married, I’ve found several ways to bring a smile to his face that are just too much fun.
On some days, I still feel the weight of my actions, including how I rejected him and the day he found me again. I almost can’t believe that we ended up in the life we get to live together now. How kind is God to have given me someone who will (literally) go to the end of the world with me? Someone who will let me be free while keeping me safe?
Graham treasures me. He loves me. And as I take in the gold wedding band around his finger—classy and timeless, just like him—I’m in awe that I get to love him back for the rest of my life.
∞∞ ∞
Graham
If you ever meet someone named Lily, hold onto them with everything you have. This is what I’ve learned in the course of my life. We all have thorns, and sometimes the ones you love need help removing them before they’re able to be held. But it’s worth the wrestle.
Lily is sitting on the balcony, overlooking the animal reserve below. In the week we’ve been in Africa, we’ve occasionally woken up to giraffes looking in through the windows on the third floor or the sound of hyenas whooping in the distance. It’s been an adventure that I know we’ll never forget.
I stir in our bed and sit up, watching as Lily fidgets with the lens of the camera, working to bring something she sees into focus. Her glowing blonde hair is in a long braid down her back, legs curled up beneath her. A once-steaming mug of coffee is abandoned beside her, along with a half-eaten pastry. As I lean forward a little more, I catch the shiny wrapper of what used to be a chocolate bar lightly fluttering in the wind. I chuckle to myself and rise.
She senses I’m awake and turns to face me, her eyes lighting up as a smile breaks over her face. I hope she always looks at me like this. Gently removing the strap from around her neck and setting it on the chair, she rushes to the sliding glass door.
I’m already waiting on the other side when it cracks open, the sound of bird calls in the nearby trees breaking through the air that crackles with energy between us. Moving toward me slowly, as if she’s trying to find someone in their natural habitat, she gives me a grin that weakens my knees .
“Hi.” She smiles as my eyes rove over her face. I’m exploring every detail I can, always trying to track the ways she looks different to me in each segment of the day.
“Hi, little wildflower,” I respond, chronicling the new details I’m finding today. The sunlight makes the edges of her lavender-grey eyes a little darker, freckles are starting to appear on her cheeks and the tip of her nose because of the sunlight we’ve been enjoying this past week, and a speck of melted chocolate lingers near her top lip.
“What?” she asks.
My breath hitches when her eyes snag on my mouth. My insides are on fire, and it’s all I can do not to take her in my arms and show her all the ways I will treasure her for the rest of my life. Then I realize I actually can do just that. After years of holding back and trying to rid myself of my love for her, I’m free to pour out my affection on her and feel her heart opening more to me each day. It’s a miracle I didn’t dare to hope for.
I bend down to pick her up and hold her in my arms. The surprise of it all sends a squeal from her mouth and a laugh into the morning mood. She’s still sassy, she still holds her own, and she still yells her opinions into the world. But she has also softened with me in such a way that my Lily, the one who fought with me every step of the way before now, is now battling for me too. She’s positively radiant.
Her arms tighten around my neck, and her fingers gently brush through the back of my hair. I’m practically purring like the wild cats that I’m sure we’ll see later today when I feel the air charge to another level.
“Graham. ”
My eyes meet hers, the love she has for me as clear as the cloudless blue sky. I furrow my brow, waiting for her to ask or tell me what’s on her mind.
“I need to tell you something,” she whispers, her eyes scanning my features. I’m still holding her close, unwilling to put her down yet unless she asks me to.
“What do you want to tell me?”
I walk us over to the bed and gently place her on the edge. I kneel in front of her to stay at eye level. Her gaze flares with heat, and my heartbeat quickens as she begins to run her hands over my face, slowly and carefully, like she’s tempering chocolate and wants to know how my features are designed.
This is love, the ability to let myself be open before her, nothing hidden, and allow her to be the same with me. It’s the ability to forget the wrongs between us and still choose each other, still protect each other. And to do it all with joy because it’s my joy to love her. Love permits me to be the one she holds onto despite her independence, knowing that, while she doesn’t need me to be able to do all the incredible things that have yet to unfold in her life, she wants me beside her with her whole heart.
“Are you trying to figure out how to replicate my face, or what’s going on here?” I tease, delighting in the smile forming on her face.
“I have to make sure you’re really you. Ever since we’ve gotten here, you’ve turned even more into a mush.” She’s grinning, and I know she loves how much I care for her and prioritize her in everything I do.
Soon, I’ll need to go on some music tours with Rafe. I won’t be in town every moment like I have been. So, while we’ve been away, I’ve already been searching for houses in Birch Borough that Lily may love. I want it to be a surprise when I find the right one, and I’ve already arranged for Ivy to take over Lily’s apartment since it’s so close to the dance studio, when a deal goes through.
After we eloped, the town quickly rallied to show their support. It looks like the only thing I needed to earn their welcome was to have Lily’s full approval, not just in words but in actions. Although, I have to say that Gladys and Lucy seem to have been on my side from the start.
They told me they had to know I was worthy of their girl, worthy of standing beside her as her husband. And with every part of me, I know I proved just that. We don’t always win the battles we face, but in this instance, we won.
“I have to tell you . . .” Lily continues, the feeling of her fingers caressing my face bringing me back to the moment, “I truly love you, Graham.”
Lily runs her fingers through the edges of my beard, and I know that’s my sign to kiss her like it’s our first time and like it could be our last. Her passion for everything in life makes me want to remember these moments and live like we’re mad with love for each other because, it turns out, we are.
I lean closer to her, my hands pressing into the bed on either side of her hips. I watch as her gaze, heavy with love, drops to my mouth. Slowly, ever so carefully, I feather my lips over hers, breathing her in and taking my time. I feel her impatience gathering, but she waits, ready to meet me for what we know will be a storm of love to get lost in for a while.
“Lily?” I whisper, the scent of sweet chocolate on her breath a tease .
“Yes, Graham?” she replies.
Even now, I’m still not always used to hearing her say my real name, so I treasure it every time she does. It proves to me that we’re so much closer than I ever hoped we could be again.
“Don’t play fair with me.”
Her eyes spark, and her mouth is on mine again before I can take another breath. All may be fair in love and war, but fighting for someone you love is a whole lot more satisfying. For the rest of our lives, I’ll never stop fighting for Lily in every way she’ll let me.
She breaks the intensity to tease the edges of my smile, her silky lips breathing fire into my bones and mind. I move to capture her sassy grin, but before I can—with one arm wrapped around my neck and the other around my back—she pulls back enough to hum between us, “You know I love a good challenge.”
∞∞∞
Lily (again)
Over the summer, I feel like I’m soaring. The goodness Graham adds to my life reminds me that there are still people in this world who know what it means to love someone more than themselves.
There are moments of intense passion and—yes—irritation (I think I’ll always love riling him up a bit). In all the moments, I tell him that I love him. He tells me that he knows.
We adventure around the world, from sheep farms in England to vineyards in Italy. We eat Thai food in Bangkok and pretzels in Germany. We even go to Paris to see what all the fuss is about. (It turns out it’s more than great.)
Everything feels perfect because Graham is beside me. I always use his real name and invent new ways to be incredibly vocal about how much I love him and am his girl. After long days in which I’m covered in chocolate and flour, sometimes with Graham baking beside me, we collapse into each other and hold on even tighter. We watch Pride & Prejudice, and he reads me excerpts of the novel at night, sometimes right before I fall asleep.
I hoard each memory of his hands cradling my face or braiding my hair, knowing that, at any moment, he will kiss me like it’s the first time and the last. I’ve never felt so thoroughly adored. He loves me with an intensity that tells me he’ll always care for me and keep me close. I’m reminded that he has always found me beautiful. And I believe him.
And each night, when sleep hovers around us and vulnerability softens us both, I remember how far we’ve come. Our love is like lightning, continuously pulsing through our frames and pulling us deeper into love. We share more chocolate bars than we can count, and when I see my ring—the one that made it through the tempest with us—I do my best not to tear up each time.
Because I have Graham’s whole heart. And he has mine.