6. Kameron
Chapter six
Kameron
She hated me.
I should’ve expected it, considering how badly things had gone wrong back in the day. Jack claimed he hadn’t titled the song until the live show, but I'd never quite believed him. And after he announced it? There was nothing I could do.
Or at least, that’s how it felt.
Hindsight was 20/20. We could’ve hired her security; we could’ve put out a statement to leave her alone.
I could’ve talked Jack out of releasing that hit piece of a song before we ever performed it live.
I’d been caught between the two of them, insisting I was Switzerland and wasn’t going to pick a side in their breakup.
Which was a joke, in the end I did. I chose Jack.
I needed to apologize, but it felt completely disingenuous at this point.
I knew she’d say it was too late, and she'd be right. In fifteen years, I’d never even tried.
I'd always told myself she didn’t want to see me, and if there was one thing I'd learned upon returning to Briar Hill, it was how true the thought had been. But it didn’t stop the fact I still needed to.
Jack did too, but that was even less likely; he’d never apologized for anything in his life.
I looked at my phone, Nalini’s phone number taunting me.
My number was likely blocked, or hers had changed.
Realistically, it was probably both. And yet, even though it was a terrible idea, I texted it anyway.
Kameron
Hey, can we talk?
Nalini
How do you have my number?
Wait… how do I have YOUR number?
WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE THE SAME NUMBER FROM HIGH SCHOOL?
To answer your question. No. Don’t text me again.
Everyone had assumed, incorrectly, we'd changed our numbers after we got famous. But the assumption led me to have a strange emotional attachment to this one. There was always the hope Nalini might reach out first, that the line of communication might open back up. I hadn’t planned on texting the apology; it needed to be done face-to-face, but I wanted to check that her number was still the same.
That I still had a line to her, even if she didn’t want it to be there.
There were so many texts I’d left unsent.
Ones inviting her to my wedding, celebrating Cassidy’s birth, even about Julia’s illness.
All of the milestones I’d wanted my best friend there for.
Years of me missing her, when it was obvious Nalini hadn’t missed me in the slightest.
My phone started ringing, and for a moment I found myself hoping she’d called — even if it was just to yell at me more. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.
“Hey, Noah,” I said to my brother. I'd been expecting this call — my younger brother was always one to think things through before making any kind of decision. Where Jack was passionate, Noah was logical. Their strengths always had them butting heads, but their differences were part of the reason we’d worked so well — before everything went wrong.
“So… RaineFall,” Noah said, immediately getting to the point, “Where's your head at?”
“Jack has a really good point from a business standpoint. The nostalgia aspect would mean instant success. We’ve already seen it proven with other groups,” I admitted, “but the rest of it…”
“Yeah, we were terrible bandmates,” Noah agreed. “I really don’t want to get that toxic again; losing you two was rough.”
The official story Mel put out was RaineFall broke up over creative differences on an unreleased album.
It sounded less dramatic when you took out the fact the album was one month away from release, actively being advertised, and had one single out already — and it was taking over the charts.
As soon as you put all the facts together, our breakup was one giant mess.
But it was so much more than that.
When we broke up, neither of my brothers understood having a wife and toddler meant I couldn’t stop and do everything for them at the drop of a hat.
They insisted I should've gotten a nanny, and it'd solve all of my problems. I never told them how many of Cassidy’s firsts I'd sacrificed for RaineFall, but with every video of my daughter I was sent, my resentment of my brothers grew.
The songwriting sessions were strained, to the point every single song ended with a fight.
The single I wrote, and we released, was generic, which seemed to be the only reason we agreed to record it in the first place.
The rest? The fights over our sound got so bad, we compromised and decided each of us would write four songs for the album.
There was no cohesion; Noah’s first attempts at songwriting were so basic an elementary schooler could've done better, while Jack went with a hard rock angsty sound, completely at the opposite end of the spectrum from the love songs I was writing. In the background, Jack’s drinking spiraled out of control, Noah’s focus was split between the album and his first movie, and I was desperately trying to force back the feelings we had back when we first started
Then Jack disappeared for three days.
His security guard had no idea where he went, calling the police went nowhere, and Noah, Mel, and I called hundreds of people for any clue to where he might've been. When Jack finally turned up again, he insisted we’d overreacted.
He’d been so out of it, he’d thought he’d only been missing a few hours, not a few days.
To this day, nobody, Jack included, seemed to know what happened during his missing time, and it led to an ultimatum: Jack went to rehab, or we left RaineFall.
Jack didn’t take it well. He ran to the nearest computer and deleted all the files we’d recorded, unilaterally deciding to cancel the album.
He pulled out every single perceived slight against him, and it quickly turned into the three of us yelling over each other, throwing out accusations big and small, real and ridiculous.
I was so fed up, I stormed out of the building — and I didn’t hear from either of them for years.
I didn’t know how Mel cleaned up that mess without the dirty details getting out, but it proved she had our backs. It was why I still paid her, even though the chances of my using her services again were slim.
I ran from any discomfort the band’s implosion caused.
I ran from my feelings and my hurt, just like I’d done with Nalini years earlier.
In my core, I’d always been a coward who ran away instead of trying to fix things.
It was my first instinct whenever anything happened, but at least my therapist had worked with me on how to healthily manage my emotions.
I just wish I’d learned how a decade sooner.
“I’d be fine if it was a reunion show,” I finally said after a long, awkward silence.
“Go out, play the old songs for a week in Vegas or something. But another album? I’m pretty sure if we tried, we wouldn’t ever speak to each other again.
And I’d be run out of Briar Hill. As awkward as it is being back, I really don’t want to move again. ”
“Is it really that bad?” Noah asked, “I didn’t think anyone would really care…”
“I can’t leave the house without getting glared at,” I admitted.
“I don’t know what, but I’ve quickly gotten the feeling something happened after we left.
Something we were blamed for. Cassidy’s been welcomed with open arms but…
I don’t know. I don’t think anyone would be willing to answer my questions.
And with Nalini being here… we need her permission.
I don’t want to upend her life, especially when I still haven’t figured out how to apologize and… ”
“Hold up,” Noah interrupted, “She threw a coffee in your face and at no point in all that you thought to say “I’m Sorry?””
“Well…” I groaned before he kept going.
“You should've apologized when the song first came out. Or after the coffee incident. Or literally any time within the past fifteen years?” he scoffed at me, judgement dripping from his words, “If I were her, I’d have thrown the drink and the cup. No wonder she’s pissed.”
“Thanks. You’re making me feel so much better,” I flatly said. I'd already come to that conclusion myself, but Noah pointing it out made me feel worse.
“Alright, apologize. ASAP. It might help to mention Jack blindsided us with the name…”
“At this point? I don’t think she’d believe me,” I pointed out.
“I didn’t know Nalini well enough to have any opinion on that,” Noah said, “But a heartfelt apology, maybe a present? I don’t know if it’d work, but it’s better than nothing.”
A present was a great idea, but I didn’t know what Nalini would even want.
It was obvious she still loved books, but the way she'd reacted when I asked about her writing took me by surprise. Either her books had characters where I was the villain, though if it were the case I’d think she’d want me to know all the ways she brutally killed me, or if she just didn’t want me anywhere near her writing.
I was still trying to figure out why she became a teacher.
My gut told me it had something to do with how most people weren’t happy I came back to Briar Hill.
I wondered if part of the reason she stayed was to have some level of safety.
Away from anyone who'd mention RaineFall.
And if I'd trampled over her safety net by moving back.
“I’ll think about it. Probably won’t work but…” I sighed, not even able to finish my thought. I knew how stupid it sounded.
“Anyway,” I said, deciding to change the subject, “I have a feeling Jack’s going to call me this week, asking about new RaineFall songs. Any tips on how to tell him I don’t have any?”
“When’s the last time you wrote anything?” Noah asked, and I immediately grimaced.
“Raine-y Days,“ I grumbled, immediately remembering how bad even the album name had been, “I haven’t even picked up a guitar since Julia was first diagnosed. I’m so rusty, I don’t think there’s anything good that might come out of me attempting anything.”
“I know Jack’s acting like you’re destitute, and I logically know you’re not,” Noah finally said.
“But the safety net that comes from this kind of money, it’s not something you can really ignore.
Not when you spent so much for Julia. So, with that in mind, take money out of it.
If you didn’t have to think about it, would you bring back the band? ”
“No,” I quietly admitted, “My heart’s not in it, and I refuse to do it for the money.”
“That’s what you need to tell Jack,” Noah quietly said, “Not some excuse about how you’re not sure you can write. Tell him the truth: that RaineFall was special, and we need to bring that back before we can even think about the band.”
Another silence fell between us, though this one was much less awkward than the others had been. The kind that came from understanding each other instead of trying to dance around the point.
“Listen,” Noah finally said after a few moments, “I know Jack is pushing this hard. And the codependent twin thing makes you feel guilty if you don’t do what he wants.
Just be honest, do what’s right for you, and don’t upend Cassidy’s life for Jack’s vanity.
I'm giving it as much thought, and I’m not saying yes unless it’s right. Promise you’ll do the same?”
“Deal,” I nodded, feeling the weight of the burden fall off me.
For the first time, I actually felt like I had my brother back.
He wasn’t just an old bandmate, but my little brother; the one who took everything seriously, the one who was so driven he seemed like Superman, the one who didn’t understand a joke, but would call you in the middle of the night laughing when it finally clicked.
“Hey, I’ve got rehearsal, I need to go,” Noah said, “but don’t be a stranger, okay?”
“I won’t,” I assured him. I knew I had things to fix with Nalini, and taking Noah’s advice, I opened my computer and made a few questionable purchases.
If I couldn’t convince her to give me a fresh start, that was fine.
I needed to take accountability for my part of the problem instead of letting it fester even more.
It was time I started to truly live my own life again, instead of just accepting everything that happened to me. I’d been a shell of myself for so long; it was time to start taking back the parts of me I’d lost along the way.
And in the back of my mind, a new melody started to form. There weren’t lyrics, not yet, but there was something. And maybe, just maybe, I could find that part of myself too.