Chapter XX
XX
Without another word, Eupraxia ducks out of the room, leaving me and the goddess alone. For several seconds, we only stare at each other. Then Athena speaks.
“You’re angry.”
I start. These are not the words I was expecting. When I look up at Athena, she is serene as a draft ruffles her red-gold hair. I’m not sure what to say in response, so I remain silent. She looks up at me.
“I think we should speak frankly.”
No matter how many times I am in her presence, I always feel small next to Athena. Under her cool gray gaze, the anger dissipates further.
“Eupraxia has relayed to me what happened,” the goddess says. “She tells me that you and Acolyte Apollonia were close. She warned me that you would be upset.”
I flinch. Even hearing Apollonia’s name hurts. I can’t get the sound of her screams or the look on her face out of my head. I still feel the places where she clung to me. When I don’t answer her, Athena arches a red brow.
“If you do not agree with my high priestess’s judgment, your anger should be directed toward me,” she goes on. “I was the one who instructed her to dismiss the girl.”
The revelation makes everything worse. I feel a stinging betrayal. Beneath that sting, there’s something else, a return to anger that terrifies me. I clench my hands into fists, bite down until my jaw hurts.
“You’re full of rage. Speak plainly.”
I want to sound angry, but the words that leave me are full of anguish.
“She was loyal to you, she loved you. She…she would have been a devout servant to you, I’m sure of it, and you dismissed her because…
” I stop myself. Kallisto’s words crouch in the back of my mind.
I didn’t understand some of what she said.
“Did Apollonia tell you exactly what the soldiers did to her, Medusa?”
I shake my head.
“They violated her, took her honor.”
“I don’t understand.”
Athena looks slightly impatient now. “The priestesses who serve in this temple serve at different parts of their natural life cycle. Apollonia is young, unmarried. Women of her status are to maintain their chastity while in my service. She did not, and so she can no longer serve.”
Something she’s said stops me. “Chastity, Goddess?”
Athena’s expression sharpens. “Dear child,” she says, “did your parents never explain to you how babies are made? How women become pregnant?”
“No.” My cheeks warm. “They didn’t.”
Athena is staring at me with a new assessment. “You speak four languages, but you’ve never been taught about procreation.” She shakes her head. “There are many names for the process in which babies are made. ‘Intercourse’ is one of them. Others call it ‘sex.’ ”
That was the word Kallisto used earlier.
Do they really not teach girls what sex is where you come from?
“Procreation requires a man and a woman,” Athena goes on. “The man must empty his seed into a woman.” She fidgets. “To do that, a certain…closeness is required.”
“Forgive me, Goddess.” My voice is small. “Closeness?”
Athena takes a deep breath, leans in, then whispers a few quick words in my ear.
When she’s finished, I pull back, uncomfortable.
At once, vivid images flash before me. I think all the way back to that moment Theo and I stumbled upon Poseidon and the sea nymph in my mother’s garden.
That was what they were doing, I’m now almost sure of it, but something doesn’t make sense.
“Goddess.” I consider how to ask my next question. “Do men and women always practice intercourse just to have babies?”
Athena wrinkles her nose. “No,” she says curtly. “There are some who do it as a lewd and indecent pastime to appease their more carnal and base desires.” She sniffs. “There are some who allow others to pay for it.”
I think about the man and woman I saw on Athens’s streets, of the building they disappeared into together. I heard moaning, but I didn’t know what they were doing…
“Your parents should have explained this to you much sooner,” says Athena. “Seventeen is far too old to be ignorant of these things.”
I flinch. I never expected my parents to teach me about anything like this, but the truth is my feelings are hurt that Stheno and Euryale never bothered to talk to me about this.
It makes me wonder what else they might not have told me, what else I might have remained ignorant of had I not come to Athens.
“Thank you for answering my questions, Goddess.” I bow my head. “If you’ll allow me, though, I have one more.”
She nods, signaling for me to go on.
“Apollonia told me what happened to her,” I start. “She told me that those soldiers found her and hurt her. She didn’t seek them out. If they practiced any kind of…intercourse, I don’t believe that that was her choice. I believe she might have been forced to do it.” I pause. “Isn’t that wrong?”
Athena studies me a moment before answering.
“It is wrong,” she says. “And certainly, I will speak to Eupraxia to ensure the soldiers of this city are reminded about the sanctity of my acolytes and priestesses, but Apollonia has to accept a level of responsibility for what happened to her last night. She voluntarily confessed to Eupraxia that she’d been drinking heavily, that she was in the city alone at night at the time the soldiers found her.
” Athena shakes her head. “She was all but asking for something to happen to her; she put herself in a compromising position. Does that make sense, Meddy?”
The truth is, it doesn’t make sense. I know almost nothing about intercourse, but I remember the way Apollonia looked when I first found her.
I remember the bruises on her body and the fragility in her voice and the hurt in her eyes.
She and I were friends, and she wasn’t even able to tell me in detail what had happened.
I open my mouth to say as much, but Athena continues to speak.
“I’ve no doubt that she would have been a devout and hardworking priestess of this temple,” she says.
“But I simply cannot have girls who lack sound judgment in my service. It is a poor reflection on me.” She looks off for a moment and then returns my gaze.
“But I don’t wish to speak about Apollonia anymore.
Now, Medusa, I wish to speak about you.”
“Me?” I start.
Athena nods. “I have been receiving reports from Eupraxia, updates on your progress here at the temple. I’m told you passed your second test rather memorably, and that you have shown a natural affinity for service to the people of the city.”
I smile, then feel guilty for it. A part of me isn’t ready to move on from Apollonia yet; I want to plead her case and try to convince Athena to reverse her decision.
But there’s another, smaller part of me that relishes Athena’s praise, wants it to continue.
The last time we saw each other, she expressed disappointment in me.
The difference between that exchange and this one is night and day.
Today, there’s no disappointment in the goddess’s eyes, only fondness.
A part of me just wants her to keep looking at me that way.
“There’s another matter we need to discuss,” says Athena. “Your father.”
I stare at her. “My…father?”
“He has asked that you return home for a visit,” she says. “I have told him you may have a week.”
I’m not sure what to make of her words. My father has never expressed much of an interest in me; it seems strange that he would miss me enough to ask for me to come home.
He’s never had to be without you, an inner voice reminds me. Perhaps the time apart has done some good.
“I will speak to Eupraxia,” says Athena. “You will not have your third test until you return.”
“Thank you, Goddess.”
At my slightly deflated tone, Athena’s brows rise. “You still don’t wish to return home.” It’s not a question.
“It isn’t that,” I say, staring at my hands.
The truth is, I do miss my sisters. I miss Theo.
But in the month I have been in Athens, I have found a new kind of home, a sense of purpose I never thought possible.
The idea of giving that up, even for a little while, saddens me.
I don’t know how to say any of this to Athena, so I simply say, “I’ve come to really enjoy Athens. I suppose I’ll miss it.”
The goddess smiles. “It will be here.” She stands, prompting me to as well. I know our conversation is over. “Go home, Medusa.” Her voice is warm. “Enjoy the time with your family. I expect you to maintain your standard of excellence upon your return.”
“Yes, Goddess.” I offer her a bow as she stands and leaves the room. Only once I’m alone do I feel I can breathe again. Absently, I lift a hand to rub at my neck.
That’s when I realize, for the first time, that my seashell necklace is gone.