36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
Emily
I t had been three days since I last talked to Ryan, and if I had a dollar for every time I picked up my phone to call him or message him, I’d be a rich woman. I missed him something fierce and wanted desperately to tell him how sorry I was. But I was still incredibly nervous about going public. I didn’t want to hear the same rumors and lies again and again.
I’d done a large amount of internet searches trying to figure out how someone gets to a point where they don’t care about what other people think. Most of the results were something along the lines of “fake it till you make it.” That didn’t quite work for me, I’d been faking not caring for so long, but internally, I still cared, and it was torture.
Meghan had taken over all of the planning for the festival. Evidently, Ryan was getting far too depressed by the numbers which made all of this worse. I wanted to be there for him, but I was afraid I’d make the entire situation more stressful than it needed to be.
In my sorrows, I hadn’t written or brainstormed anything for my next series. Instead, I sat here drinking coffee or tea and binged an unnecessary amount of sci-fi shows. Obviously, I was seeking comfort, but there was only one place that actually made me feel at peace anymore, and that was with Ryan.
I didn’t want my comfort to be wrapped up in anyone but myself, but damn if he didn’t worm his way in. It made me wonder if I did the same for him, which then had me worried I wasn’t his peace, and instead the thing causing him stress. Some of it would be my own fault with the secret career and the secret relationship. Other parts were the past clinging to me, the majority of it untrue, but believed by so many.
A knock on my door pulled me from my cozy nook of blankets and pillows on my couch. As I went to open the door, I hoped it would be Ryan here to stake his claim or whatever and demand I get over my shit and be with him. I would. But my daydream burst when his sister stood in front of my open door.
“Hi Lacey,” I said as I stepped back and invited her in.
“Well, you look like shit,” she stated, and I huffed a laugh.
I walked back to my sofa and she followed me, dropping down into a chair and giving me a look that said I needed to get over this.
“What’s up?”
“Are you going to break up with my brother?” She asked, and I sighed.
“More like he’s going to break up with me because I have no backbone.”
“Nah, and maybe I’m being a little forward since we haven’t really talked but I’m a girl's girl and well, I have your back here. What did he do to piss you off?”
“That’s just it, I was pissed for the wrong reasons and now I’m trying to get my head wrapped around things before I try to go work things out with him.” Sighing, I looked at her and the next words came flying out of my mouth. “Years ago there were people in this town, who still live here, that spread some nasty lies about me. The fallout from that messed with me and now I’m afraid those same lies and even some new ones are going to pop up and ruin everything. So, I’m self sabotaging my own happiness because I’m afraid of people spreading rumors about me. Which just makes me feel like I’m even more of a mess and causing Ryan stress he doesn’t need right now.”
“Not being with him is causing him stress.”
Looking at her, she gave me a sad smile before continuing, “You know the old guy who sleeps on every bench in town?”
“Neil?”
“Yeah. Do you think he gives a damn about what people think about him? He doesn’t. They call him homeless or a nuisance because he’s old and sleeping out in public. But in all actuality he’s an old man who listens to his body. He gets tired after walking around town, and he takes a nap wherever he can. The people who know Neil know this. At a certain point, we all have to look at what other people think of us and decide it’s a them problem because we are simply out here living our lives how we want to and those closest to us know the truth.”
“Okay?”
“Are you going to let this town drive you into hiding because people spread nasty rumors about you? Are you going to let them ruin what you have with Ryan? I’ve never seen him so relaxed and happy in my life.”
“How do you know about the rumors?” I asked.
“I have friends in this town - good friends. The gossip brigade isn’t the one spreading the lies. In fact most of them are bummed out that you two seem to be on the outs since you haven’t been seen together since the whole scene in the restaurant.”
“I know Betsy would never spread those lies,” I said with a sigh, “Most of the rumors are still being spread by the Hills and others.”
Lacey nodded and then leaned forward putting her elbows on her knees, “And you know most of the town doesn’t believe anything they say? It is not like when you were in high school. The town has your back, and more people are talking about how the rumors have been lies this entire time.”
My eyes widened and my lips parted. Had I missed the changes in the town by hiding away so much? By staying out of it?
“Most people talk about how you stay out of the gossip because you know first hand how much it hurts when lies are spread. Things aren’t looking great for the founding families. Some of them are even trying to distance themselves from the Hills.”
“I didn’t know,” I murmured.
“You wouldn’t because you stay out of it, which on some level is smart. As long as it doesn’t leave you hiding away from your life.” Lacey stood and scanned me before she asked, “So, when are you going to reclaim your life?”
With a grin, she turned and walked out of my apartment. I started thinking about the people who I could count on to have my back. The people who wouldn’t believe anything being said about me and how much of my life I’d lost because of those who didn’t actually matter.
It was time to fight back, time to come out of hiding, time to reclaim my life and the man I loved. And I knew exactly how I was going to do it. Grabbing my phone, I opened my social media account and immediately pulled up a picture of me with Meghan and wrote a caption.
Me with one of my best friends and editor. You can see us both at Maple Creek Book Festival in two weeks where I will be signing books and finally meeting with my wonderful readers. Get your tickets now. Bussing and accommodations listed on the event page.
Reading over the caption again, my thumb hovered over the post button. I thought about saving the library, about how people would be shocked that I was finally posting a picture of myself and attending a signing, and finally, I focused on Ryan. How I needed to prove to him I was done hiding and ready to claim a life we could build together here in my hometown.
I pressed the post button and breathed out the last of the nerves. A small weight lifted from my shoulders with my secret out in the world. I was Donna Smith, and I wrote alien smut.
I wouldn’t be ashamed. My books were popular and I had loads of readers. Clinging to that truth, I jumped when an unexpected call came in.
Answering it, I said, “Hi Meghan.”
“You’re out? You’re in? You’re really doing this?”
“Yes, I’m doing this. Get a table reserved for me, it’s time for Donna Smith to go public and introduce her to the world.”
“That post was one way of doing it. Oh my god! I’m so excited. Oh shit, we don’t have enough time to get everything for your table. It’s fine, I have loads of author copies here already.”
“When did you get author copies?” I asked.
“I ordered them months ago thinking we could sell signed copies on the website. But with how stressful things became for the festival I was going to wait until after.”
“Okay, well, I will figure everything else out for you.”
“Nope, what I want you to do is to not think about this at all. You made a decision. Stay off social media. Stay out of sight. I don’t want you getting freaked out. Let me protect you then we will deal with your secret identity being made public after the festival. Go write,” Meghan insisted.
“Okay,” I huffed in a laugh.
After hanging up the phone, I listened to what Meghan said to do. I turned off my notifications on the post, turned my ringer to silent, and went to my desk. I was going to start writing the next series, but as I sat there, I could only think of one thing I actually wanted to write.