24. Willow
WILLOW
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
“Do you have everything, sweetheart?” my mom whispers as she tosses my pillow into the back seat with me.
I quickly double-check all my things just to make sure, but something is missing.
“Mama, where’s Mr. Snuggles?”
“Didn’t you put him in the pillowcase?”
“I did,” my voice cracks, on the verge of tears. “He’s not here.”
“Okay. Don’t worry. I’ll go get him,” she says, glancing back at the dark house.
“I’ll be right back. Do not get out of this car. Do you hear me?”
I stare at her. She looks scared.
“Willow. I need you to stay in this car. Don’t get out no matter what.”
“Okay, Mama.”
“Good girl. I’ll be right back. I love you.”
I turn in my seat and sit on my knees, looking out the back window as she walks up to the house and opens the front door.
I can see the small light from the flashlight on her keyring going back and forth in front of the open door.
When the light disappears, I feel even more scared.
Where did she go? Where did her light go?
I watch quietly, counting the seconds, waiting for her to come out of the house. The light in my room clicks on, and I can see her walking around my room from here.
Suddenly, another light turns on in the house. It’s the lamp right by the front door. A large shadow is standing in the doorway, and I can see my rabbit in his hand, held by his ear. Daddy is staring at me, but he isn’t moving.
I look back up at my window and can still see Mama looking around my room for Mr. Snuggles.
I want to yell or scream, but I’m scared.
Daddy hates it when I yell. He says it will make the neighbors mad, and then they will call the police.
He said if they call the police, they’ll take me away from him and Mama forever.
But isn’t Mama taking me away from Daddy forever tonight?
“Willow! Get over here,” Daddy shouts from the porch.
I can see Mama looking out at me through the window, and she shakes her head no. She told me not to leave the car. I have to stay in here.
“Willow Rae Parker, get your ass out of that fucking car right now,” he shouts louder.
I can hear Bentley’s dog, Bosco, barking across the field. He’s never liked Daddy.
When I glance back up Mama’s not in the window anymore. My light is still on in my room, but she’s not there. My stomach is hurting. It feels worse than when Daddy punches me. Where is she?
The door flies open, and before I can scream, a hand clamps over my mouth, and I’m being dragged out of the car.
“When I tell you to do something, you fucking do it. Stupid fucking child,” he yells.
I kick my feet and try to press them into the dirt to stop him from dragging me, but it’s no use. Daddy’s always stronger than me. Another pull and I can feel my hair ripping. It’s popping, and it feels like my head is being cut.
“Stop it! Let her go!”
“Mama!” I scream, but it’s muffled by his hand.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going, Deb?”
Daddy drags me inside. He throws me to the ground, then whips Mr. Snuggles at me. I quickly grab and hug him close so we won’t be scared. His ear is ripped, but I can fix him.
“She wasn’t feeling good. I was taking her…”
*Smack*
“Don’t you lie to me, woman. I saw those bags. Where the fuck were you going?” he screams.
He grabs her by the hair and shoves her to the ground.
“Stop it!” I cry out, but I shouldn’t have made a sound.
Daddy quickly turns back to me. He bends down closer, and I can smell the icky drink on his breath. Mama says it’s a bad drink because Daddy always gets mean when he drinks it.
“Are you going to tell me where you were going, Willow?”
“I…” I look over at Mama behind him on the ground, and she’s shaking her head again. “I don’t know.”
*Smack*
He backhands me, sending me falling back down to the floor. My cheek is throbbing hot with pain and I can taste blood. My heart is racing. I hate blood.
“How many times are you going to lie to me, you ungrateful little bitch? You’re as bad as your mother.”
“James, stop. Please. She doesn’t know anything.”
“You were going to take her away from me, weren’t you?” he stands and walks back over to Mama.
“No. We…”
*Crack*
Mama’s head snaps back, and she falls onto the floor. He kicked her. She isn’t moving. Is she dead?
“Mama?” I cry quietly.
“Shut the fuck up, Willow.”
I can hear Mama cough and can see she’s trying to roll onto her side. She’s alive.
I start to crawl over to her, but he grabs me by my hair again and pulls me back then starts dragging me toward the kitchen.
“Where do you think you’re going? I didn’t say you can move.”
She finally looks up at me. Her face has blood on it, and her one eye is shut. She’s hurt really badly this time. She’s barely able to sit up, but she gives me a small smile.
“It’s okay, baby. Everything’s going to be okay,” she says, then coughs again, and I can see her spit out more blood.
Daddy laughs. It’s scary, and I hate it when he laughs like this. Everything hurts worse when he does.
“Don’t lie to her, Deb. You fucked up big time. You tried to take my only child from me.” He shakes his head at her before looking at me. “Now that’s unforgivable. Isn’t it, baby?”
“It’s over, James. Let us go, and we can forget this ever happened.”
Mama’s trying to stand. She tilts back and forth before finally standing up straight.
“Let her go.”
“I don’t think so, Deb.”
“Please. Just let her go, and we’ll leave. The cops will never know…”
“Cops? You think I give a fuck about the cops around here? How many of them have seen your face in town? How many have even spared a second glance your way? No one fucking cares about what happens to you, Deb. Your life doesn’t matter.”
“If we don’t show up at my friend’s house in the next two hours, the state cops will be here.”
Daddy’s fist tightens on my hair.
“What the fuck did you do, Deborah?”
“I’m done letting you hurt my daughter.”
“Our daughter,” he screams, and that’s when Mama starts laughing. “What’s so fucking funny, bitch?”
“She’s not your daughter.”
“You’re lying. Willow is my daughter.”
“She’s not.”
“Whose is she then?!” he screams, and he pulls me back so I’m behind him.
“It doesn’t matter.”
He runs at her and grabs her by the throat, pinning her to the wall.
“Whose fucking kid is she if she isn’t mine?”
She coughs again, and this time the blood lands on Daddy’s face. He’s mad. His fingers are turning Mama’s neck red.
“Johnny’s.”
Her voice is so quiet that I barely heard her. Did she say, Johnny? Like Uncle Johnny?
“My own brother? You fucked my own fucking brother?”
He slams her head back against the wall, making her scream. I need to help her. I need to save Mama.
“You fucking whore. You better hope to God you’re wrong about this, or I’m going to fucking kill you. Willow is my daughter.”
“She’s…not.”
Her voice is getting quieter. I need to do something now.
I look in the kitchen to try and find something I can use to stop Daddy.
But I’m not strong enough to lift anything big.
Plus, my arm hurts from when he threw me to the ground.
The only thing I can see is a knife on the drying rack from when Mama cut up the chicken for dinner tonight.
I have to do it. I have to save her.
I grab the knife off the counter and slowly walk behind Daddy. He can’t see me. He’s so loud that he can’t even hear me.
“I’ll fucking kill you. I’ll kill you. I’ll…Fuck!” he screams as I stab him in the back of the leg.
He lets go of Mama, and she falls to the floor. There’s so much blood, and he’s screaming so loud that it’s hurting my ears.
“Come on, baby.”
Mama picks me up. She tucks my head against her chest and tries to run. We get into the kitchen, but then she screams, and we fall onto the tile floor. My head hits the floor hard, and I can hear a ringing, buzzing sound. It almost sounds like the school bell ringing when we can leave class.
“You stupid fucking child,” Daddy screams as he crawls closer.
He has Mama’s ankle, and no matter how hard she kicks, he won’t let go. There’s blood smeared along the floor from the living room into the kitchen.
So much blood.
Everything starts to go dark as I hear Mama scream again. I feel something warm and wet on my face, but Mama is holding me. No, she’s covering me with her body.
“Stupid…”
*Stab*
“Fucking…”
*Stab*
“Bitch.”
“I’m so sorry, Willow,” she groans.
I can’t see anything. She’s covering my face with her hand, but I can hear her crying. Everything feels warm and wet.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” she whispers.
All I can hear is her crying and a weird noise. It smells like the old pennies grandpa used to give me when he was alive. We used to play marbles, and when I won he would give me a penny.
“Son of a bitch!” Daddy screams.
I think I can hear the sounds of the police cars. Did the neighbors call them? Are they coming to help Mama?
“Mama. The police are coming,” I say as I hiccup from crying.
Her hand is still covering my face, and I can’t move. She’s too strong.
Mama is still coughing. It sounds like when I drink too fast and start coughing on the water. Grandma always said it was because the water went down the wrong pipe.
“I love…you, Willow,” she whispers.
“I love you too, Mama.”