61. Noah
NOAH
TEN MINUTES PRIOR
“Hey. It’s Jeremy. Leave a message.”
Fuck!
“Dude, call me back. Please. I don’t know how this is going to go. We’re at her old house. She remembers everything…Except me. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Please stop doing whatever you’re doing and call me back.”
I hang up and rest my head back against the headrest. When I look up at the house, I can see a faint glow through the cracked windows as she moves through the upstairs. I need to get in there. I need to be there in case she remembers anything else.
In case she remembers me.
My head is still pounding, but I think it’s from stress right now as opposed to the concussion because honestly, I’m freaking out. All I’ve wanted was for her to remember who I am…and yet it could be about to happen and I’m frozen in fear.
I glance at the center console of my truck. I brought something just in case she does remember. Something that I hope will show her that I never gave up on her.
I never forgot about her.
I never stopped loving her.
I open the lid to the center console and press the button along the inside that opens the hidden compartment to pull it out before tucking it into my jacket. I need to get in there, goddammit.
As I make my way into the kitchen, I have to close my eyes as a wave of nausea hits me. My fingers grip onto the counter as I try to steady myself. The door slams shut behind me, and I groan.
“Fuck.”
“I’m upstairs,” she calls out.
My eyes open and land on the stain on the linoleum. A dark red stain with a small bloody handprint right next to it. Nothing in here is the same as it was that night except this fucking stain and that Goddamn handprint.
I glance down at my hand before clenching it into a fist and leaving the kitchen. As I quietly climb the stairs, I hear the faint sound of a music box beginning to play. She’s humming along to the tune as if the song has never left her memory.
I step inside her room and lean against the door frame to watch her. Her shoulders tense slightly before relaxing when she realizes I’m here. My hand clutches my pocket, and it’s the only thing keeping me grounded at this moment.
She’s kneeling in the corner flipping through old photos. Photos that I know will change everything the moment she sees them. My heart is racing, beating against my chest as I watch her flip further and further through the stack.
It's in there. I know it’s in there.
It’s the same photo I have hidden in my desk at work. The same one I shrunk down and still carry in my wallet.
Her eighth birthday. The day I gave her that little rabbit. Her mom gave me a copy when we were kids because even back then, I think she knew how much I cared for Willow.
I watch without breathing as she gets down to the last couple of photos, and I can see it there in her hands. The photo shows a bright blue present with a matching bow. The next is of her holding up that little white rabbit.
“I’m going to call him Mr. Snuggles.”
I can still hear the sound of her high-pitched voice as she hugged that little thing to her chest.
I watch her swipe her thumb over the photo before flipping to the last one in her hand.
There it is.
She and I were standing in front of that giant window in their front room. I have my arm around her shoulders, and we’re both smiling like two kids who don’t have a care in the world. She’s holding onto her little rabbit, and I’m holding onto mine.
That image is engraved into my fucking soul.
I can practically hear her heartbeat filling the silence between us, or maybe that’s just mine. Her hands shake as a tear falls onto the photo, and her thumb wipes away the layer of dust revealing the little boy who was just as madly in love with her back then as I am now.
“Noah?” her voice cracks, and it’s like a knife is piercing through my heart.
I can’t speak. I can’t even fucking move.
Seconds feel like hours as I fail to even get a single sound to form.
“Noah…” she says again, and it’s like my brain finally remembers how to breathe.
“Yes, Little Rabbit.”
She turns slowly as she stands up. She looks at me, and even in the dim moonlight shining through the window, I can see the tears streaking down her face. Her eyes are red, and there’s a look of pain practically bleeding from them.
“Why?”
One word.
That’s all she says as she holds the photo in front of her. She glances down at it then back up at me waiting for me to respond.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” I finally confess.
“Noah…All this time. Did you know?”
Her voice sounds so broken and defeated, each syllable is breaking my fucking heart. I did this. I caused her this pain. If I had just been honest from the beginning, maybe it would have been different.
“I knew it was you from the moment I saw you in that elevator.”
Her breath catches as she chokes back a sob.
“Why didn’t you tell me? You…lied to me. You let me believe this was…” Her voice cuts off.
“I didn’t lie to you, Willow. I never lied to you.”
She falls to the ground on her knees, and I can feel her pain filling this room. This room used to be her sanctuary. The place where she used to hide from her father when he came home drunk. The place I’d sneak into some nights just to sneak her chocolates or to hold her while she cried.
“Willow, you were my best friend, but you were always something more. I’ve loved you since we were kids, Willow. You’ve always been my little rabbit.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” she screams as she drops the photos and buries her face in her hands.
I rush to her and pull her into my arms. She pushes against me trying to fight to get away, yet her fingers still grip onto my shirt like she doesn’t want to let me go.
“I was afraid.”
I press her head against my chest so she can hear just how fast my heart is racing.
“I’ve been searching for you for fifteen years.
Since that night you disappeared. Even when I was a kid, I would sneak into my dad’s office and search the internet for you.
I never gave up hope that someday I’d find you.
But then, when you showed up wanting a job at my family's law firm, I didn’t know what to think. ”
I swallow the nerves that are choking me. My mouth is dry and this damn stale air isn’t helping.
“I knew you were my Willow, my Little Rabbit, but you didn’t remember me. I tried to subtly drop hints, but it seemed to only make things worse.”
“The flowers,” she says as she lifts her head to look at me finally.
“Ditch lilies. The ones we used to pick while walking up and down this very road.”
“You got me fifteen bouquets.”
“One for each year I had to live without you in my life.” My voice sounds about as broken as I feel right now.
“You really searched for me all this time?” she asks.
Her fingers slide up from my chest to my jaw. It’s as if she’s touching me for the first time and truly seeing who I am.
“I have, Little Rabbit. I tracked down anyone who was involved back then. Family. Your parents’ friends. Grandparents. Everyone. No one knew where you were, but I still never gave up hope. I never stopped searching for you.”
“Why?” she asks as she stares into my eyes.
This is it. This is where I lay it all out, and if she rejects me…Fuck. I don’t even want to think about that.
I cup her face and wipe my thumb under her eyes, wiping away her tears. I bring my forehead to rest against hers and let my hand move from her cheek to the back of her head.
“Because I never stopped loving you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. You are my soul mate. My forever. You’re all I’ve ever wanted or will ever need. I love you, Little Rabbit.”
I reach into my pocket to pull out the thing I brought. A small gasp leaves her lips as she finally sees what I’m holding.
A stuffed rabbit. His fur was once white, but is now faded with age.
I scrubbed him so many times until I got the blood to almost completely fade away.
One marble eye is cracked from where her dad or someone else had stepped on it, but I glued it.
One ear was ripped, but I sewed it back together.
The once bright blue ribbon tied around his neck in a bow is now more of a dark, mottled color from age. But it’s him.
“Mr. Snuggles?” she asks as her tear-filled eyes look back up at me. “You kept him all these years?”
“Of course I did, Willow. He was your little rabbit. And you’re mine.”