Chapter 23 #3
Her heart groaned, but she kept her expression deliberately neutral. “I know. But sometimes I’m unsure, Gareth. Sometimes I need reassurance that you really mean it.”
He took a shaky breath. “Okay, sure, I can work –”
“And I think you need reassuring too. Because, back then, it was way too easy for you to believe me when I said I didn’t want you anymore.”
He pressed his lips together and remained silent.
“So I thought…” She cleared her throat. “Well, I assumed you didn’t want to fight and prove your feelings.
So I thought I’d fight and prove to you that you’re not my second choice, not to my career nor anything else.
” She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue speaking calmly despite her racing pulse.
“Okay, look, I’ve drawn up a plan. Plans show one is serious, right?
Point one is a speech. Gareth, my whole life I’ve felt like I don’t really fit in anywhere, and that the people around me always find something to judge or punish me for — and then I met you.
Apparently, you didn’t care that I outperformed you at school, that I came from a poor background and had a challenging personality.
But it scared me so much that…” She trailed off, tilting her head in confusion. “Why are you smiling like that?”
Gareth leaned his forehead against the bars until he literally couldn’t get any closer, his smile sweeter than a basket full of kittens and cocoa. “I know all that.”
“What?”
“I know you, Hazel. I know your fears. I don’t need a speech.”
She swallowed and placed his hands over hers. “So why didn’t you object when I broke up with you?”
“Because my own fears were greater,” he replied more gently.
“I didn’t know at the time that you even had any fears because of me.”
He sighed and ran his thumbs over her palms. “Well, fear is an emotion. I don’t know if you’ve noticed…but expressing feelings isn’t my strong suit.”
Now she gave a shaky smile as well. “No, that’s news to me.”
He chuckled softly. “I don’t need proof, Hazel. You’re here, so now I just need your wallet.”
She blinked and dropped her hands in surprise. “What? You only want me for my money?”
“No. I have plenty of that, thanks. I want the photos.”
Warmth rose in her cheeks and a tingling filled her chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He grinned broadly. “Are you seriously telling me that point two of your plan isn’t the photos?”
She shrugged. Yes, that had been point two, but she’d wanted to pull them out of her pocket dramatically and…
“Why do you still have them?” Gareth asked quietly.
She bit her lip. “I couldn’t…”
“I would have bet you threw them away.” His gaze slid over her face, scanning every inch of it. “But your mother betrayed you, Hazel.”
Groaning, she tilted her head back before taking a deep breath. Fine. She was used to him ruining her plans by now! “Why would I have done that, Gareth?”
“Because I clearly remember that you were going to throw them away if you wanted to forget me,” he murmured, his voice thick. “The thought that you did caused me a lot of sleepless nights.”
Her eyes burned relentlessly and her hands began to shake. “I never wanted to forget you, Gareth. I wanted to hold on to the feeling you gave me forever, okay? And the photos remind me of that.”
“What feeling?”
She sniffed and rubbed her damp cheeks. “To be allowed to be both as strong and as weak as I want to be. To be understood. To be silly, serious, smart, or stupid without ever feeling like I was doing anything wrong. I felt less alone carrying them around.” Carefully, she pulled the strip of photos from her purse and handed it through the bars.
“I like the one where I’m making a face and you’re smiling. ”
He was still staring at her, not the photos. It was as if he didn’t need the reminder of her at all. “Not the one where we’re kissing?”
“No. Because your face is so hard to see — I like your face.”
He smiled broadly as he took the photos, still making no move to look at them. “I like your face too, Hazel.”
Her heart fluttered, but this time not because she was afraid of the future — but because she suddenly saw it clearly. “Have you at least learned how to use a photo booth properly?”
“No. I haven’t been in one since. Too many memories.”
“Because of me?”
He looked into her eyes. “Always because of you, Hazel.”
“Okay.” She swallowed. There were so many emotions in her wanting to burst out, but she still wasn’t ready to let them take over.
“Then there’s only one thing left to take care of.
” She nervously pulled the folded piece of paper from her purse that she had quickly scribbled on in the car earlier, afraid her voice would tremble.
In her eagerness, she wanted to rattle off the points, but she pulled herself together.
“Paragraph 1: Party B proposes a one-year trial period before negotiating the terms for moving in together and marriage. Paragraph 2: Party B considers two children to be appropriate. Paragraph 2a: When the children arrive, both parties will take parental leave so that Party B doesn’t go crazy alone.
Her career is as important as Party A’s, which should be considered when making childcare decisions.
Paragraph 3: Two evenings a week, both Party A and Party B must finish work on time to fulfill their relationship obligations.
These include, but are not limited to: public feedings, cuddling (including but not limited to sex), outings, etc.
Paragraph 4: Party A will receive a Milky Way from Party B whenever they clearly articulate their feelings.
This should happen at least once a day. Paragraph 5: Saturday or Sunday, yes, after the Hawks’ game, Party A and B take the day off. Paragraph 6…”
“Three,” Gareth said quietly.
She blinked. “The reading of the contract isn’t over yet, Mr. Clark. Please calm down.”
His smile stretched from one bar to the other.
“I said three. Three children. Although I’d be happy with two for now, and an early renegotiation of the terms. And make it six months before we talk about moving in together.
Our trial period has been going on for ten years, Hazel.
We still want each other. I see that as a good sign.
Oh, and parental leave is fine, but maybe we should schedule the birth of the children for the off-season. ”
Hazel laughed, surprised that no swarm of butterflies flew out of her mouth. “Even you aren’t rich and powerful enough to arrange that, Gareth.”
He grinned. “Challenge accepted. By the way, I think we should finish on time at least three days a week. I’m assuming neither of us will suddenly stop being workaholics, but we should show goodwill.
Also: Public feedings? What the hell, Hazel?
Say dates or going out to dinner together!
I would never remove the Milky Way clause, but we must add that from now on, you will work exclusively with Lyle, Cravitz, or Penny.
The conflict of interest is too great for me. ”
“That would be paragraph 6.”
“Wonderful. Last but not least…” He reached through the bars, and Hazel hoped he would cup her face and finally kiss her — but instead, he snatched the note from her and ripped it up.
“Hey!” she cried indignantly. “What are you doing? That took a lot of work!”
“We should do this without a contract,” he murmured somberly and this time, he actually reached for her face. This time, he gently stroked her cheeks and lips with his thumbs.
“Why?” she whispered, stepping closer.
“Because we should stop imposing rules on ourselves and making plans. Contracts come easily for both of us. But they convey the wrong message. Relationships…are difficult. They don’t follow imposed patterns.
” He hesitated, but finally murmured, raking his hands through her hair, “I don’t want to shuffle paperwork to know what’s right. I…want to ask you, so you can tell me.”
She laughed and leaned her forehead against his. She didn’t feel the cold bars between them at all. “Okay. No contract. I couldn’t think of anything else to call it so that it would spell L-O-V-E.”
“Hmm. Love-Offering-Venture-Enterprise?”
She snorted, shoved her arms into the cell, and wrapped them around his waist. “Who’s the love offering?”
“Both of us, of course.”
“It’s a good thing we decided against the contract!”
He grinned. “Possibly,” he murmured, kissing her gently as best he could with metal in their faces. “Now, can you please get me out of here so I can kiss you properly?”
“Soon,” she whispered. “I’m not ready to let you go just yet.”
“I really hope for your sake that you never let me go.”
She wasn’t planning on it.
Really – not this time around.