36. Weston
36
Weston
F ear washes cold over me.
I glance from my son to the pictures on the counter, my pulse ringing in my ears. How did he find those? There’s a lock on the darkroom door. I know, because I installed it myself. Besides, Jesse never goes down there.
But none of that matters. He’s found the pictures. He’s seen them.
He knows.
My gaze swings to Daisy. The color drains from her face, eyes wide and startled. Her hands shake at her sides, and it takes everything in me not to reach for them. Before I can soothe her, I need to face my son. I need to tell him what’s been going on and take responsibility for what I’ve done. No more lies.
I press my eyes shut, sucking in a fortifying breath. “Jess—”
“Tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” he growls. I expect he’s talking to me, but when I open my eyes, he’s glaring at Daisy, holding up one of the photos. The one of her, on the floor between my knees.
The one I took.
Like an idiot.
Shame and mortification flood through me, stealing the air from my lungs. How could I have been so stupid ?
“It’s—” Daisy begins, but Jess continues to speak right over her.
“Tell me”—his voice vibrates with rage—“that this is not a picture of you with my father.”
Daisy raises a trembling hand to cover her face, which is somehow both translucently pale and bright red at the same time. She doesn’t answer Jesse’s question, but the way she hides her face in shame is enough.
“I don’t believe it.” He flings the photo onto the floor with sudden revulsion, as if it’s turned into a dead rat in his hands. “I figured I had to be wrong. That it wasn’t what I thought. But this…”
“We didn’t mean for anything to happen,” I say, but Jess acts like I’m not even here, his furious gaze trained on Daisy.
“ Him ?” he spits in outrage. “You wouldn’t fuck me, but you’ll fuck my dad ? Do you know how old he is, Daisy?”
She studies the floor, her voice wobbling as she says, “He’s not that old.”
“He’s fucking ancient!” Jesse throws up his hands in disbelief, and I take a step forward. Anger comes off him in waves, his gestures become jerky and agitated, and my first instinct is to protect Daisy.
“Jess—”
“Don’t you fucking come near me!” he spits, hands raised in my face as he finally acknowledges my presence.
I sigh, knowing there’s no way to get through to him when he’s this irate. “Please calm down,” I urge, trying to keep my voice steady. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, and we—”
“Calm down?!” he bellows incredulously. “How could you do this? You knew I liked her.”
I open and close my mouth, faltering, because that’s not entirely true; it wasn’t until he came to see me at work that I realized how much he liked Daisy.
By then, it was too late.
How could I have known, though? He’d brought home another girl, then stormed out of both our lives, and while that doesn’t justify us getting together, it does show how little he cared for her at that point.
How little he cared for both of us.
“Don’t blame your dad,” Daisy says, shaking her head. “He was very clear that nothing would happen between us, but I—”
“Stop.” I place a hand on her arm. Jesse’s gaze follows the motion, and I quickly pull it away. “It’s not your fault.”
“Wes—”
“No, Daisy.” I turn back to Jess. There’s no way I’m letting her take the fall for this. It’s time to come clean. “I’ve known Daisy for a while. She’d been making my coffee at Joe’s for a year when you brought her home as your girlfriend. I had intended to ask her out, and I was shocked as I didn’t know she was seeing anyone, let alone my own son. I did my best to act like I had no interest in her, but I couldn’t help how I felt. I know it was wrong. Then after things with you, we… We didn’t mean for it to happen, Jess.”
He barks a cold laugh. “Of course you didn’t.” His gaze swings to Daisy, lips curled in disgust. “You want me to call you Mommy now?”
She recoils in horror. “No!”
“You’ll never replace my mom. Never .”
My blood heats with irritation. This kid fucking disappeared after his mother died, leaving me to pick up the pieces alone. He has no idea what it’s taken for me to get to the point where I could consider spending my life with anyone else, and while he’s allowed to hate me for moving on with Daisy, I’ll be damned if I let him take his resentment out on her.
“Don’t you dare speak to her like that.”
“What are you going to do about it?” He steps forward, hands colliding with my chest, eyes wild with fury. His obstinate attitude throws gasoline on my own anger, until it’s a raging fire inside me.
“Let me remind you, Jesse, that you didn’t treat Daisy well. You behaved like a child. You partied without her, leaving her alone. You brought another woman home, for fuck’s sake!”
“That doesn’t—”
“I’m not finished,” I growl, fists flexing at my sides. “It wasn’t only her you walked all over. It was me too. You’ve treated me like shit ever since your mom died, and I’ve allowed it. I’ve tiptoed around you, bending over backward to try to make things better between us.”
There’s a flash of shame on Jesse’s face, and I continue.
“I didn’t want to act on my feelings for Daisy. I knew that wasn’t okay, but then you stormed out of the beach house. You moved out without telling me. You wouldn’t take any of my calls. You missed my birthday, just like you have for the past three years. And you know what? I snapped. I decided that if you didn’t care, then why should I?”
My chest shudders with my jerky breaths as I confront my son, and behind me, I feel Daisy’s hand brush my lower back. It’s a tiny gesture of solidarity, giving me the strength to go on.
“Do you realize how fucking painful the past three years have been for me? How hard it’s been going through this on my own?” My eyes are hot and I swallow hard as I continue. “You weren’t around, Jess. You took off, and I had to deal with everything alone. I never thought I’d meet someone who would help me heal from what happened, another woman who would make me smile, but I did. I met a barista who went out of her way to make my day better. You’re right, she won’t replace your mom. No one can. But she can make my life a hell of a lot better just by being in it.”
My words hang in the air, and I stand there, breathless, hands on my hips as I stare at my son. I hadn’t planned to let all that out, but I’ve been holding in my frustration with Jess for so long that once I start, I can’t stop.
“I’m sorry that the woman I met was someone you also liked. I didn’t plan for that to happen, and if I could make it be anyone else, then I would, but I can’t. I can’t choose who I fall for. None of us can.” My voice cracks, and I won’t let myself look at Daisy in case she can see right through me. “Daisy and I are together, and you need to come to terms with that.”
But Jesse hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. With his face twisted in a scowl, he’s fixed his gaze on Daisy’s hand as it rests on my lower back. And I realize that telling him what’s on my mind hasn’t made me feel any better. If anything, I feel worse because while all of it is true, it doesn’t justify acting on my feelings for Daisy behind his back, and even if it did, it doesn’t explain why I didn’t tell him when we reconciled a week ago. Why I acted as if nothing had changed.
Jess shakes his head as he regards me bitterly. “So you’ve just spent the past week lying to me? Acting like things are all good with us, then sneaking off to fuck my ex-girlfriend?”
I can feel Daisy’s grimace beside me.
“You’re right.” I shake my head with remorse. “I haven’t been honest with you since you got back, and I regret that, but I didn’t sneak off to—”
“Where have you been all weekend?”
Now it’s my turn to grimace. He’s got me there.
I square my shoulders, forcing myself to answer honestly. “We were at the beach house.”
“I knew something was off,” he mutters. “I could just tell. You were way too happy to get out of town, even though I was home. Now I know why.”
We both glance at the photos strewn across the kitchen island, and my gut twists with nausea as I imagine him finding them, imagine the shock and horror he must have felt.
“I’m sorry, Jess.”
His eyes are sad when they come back to mine. “I should have known better than to trust you.”
His words land like a grenade in my chest.
Because he’s right.
I might have been able to excuse what happened with Daisy after his behavior at the beach, but I sure as hell can’t excuse it now that he’s home.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I should have told you. It hasn’t been easy keeping this from you.”
He spins on his heel and stalks into the living room, returning with a bag stuffed full of his clothes, and my heart plummets.
“Well, you don’t have to worry anymore,” he says, pausing in front of us both. When he hoists the bag onto his shoulder, anxiety clenches my stomach. “I’m leaving.”
“Please, Jess,” Daisy begs beside me. “Don’t do that. I’ll go.”
The anxiety transforms into full-blown panic. “No, you won’t.” I reach for Daisy’s hand, grasping it tightly, before turning back to Jess. “Let’s talk about this.”
He stares at our clasped hands, his jaw hard. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
I release Daisy’s hand, taking a step toward my son. “There’s everything to talk about. Please don’t run away again. I want you in my life, Jess. I don’t want to lose you again.”
He swallows, his eyes cold as they move over my face. “Well, you should have thought about that before you got together with my ex.” And with that, he stomps out of the kitchen.
I stare at the photos scattered across the kitchen island, waiting for my shuddering pulse to settle. Daisy holds her breath beside me, and when I eventually glance at her, she looks stricken.
“Wes…” Her voice trembles, just like her hands as she wrings them in front of herself. “I’m so sorry—”
“Shh.” I reach for her, relieved to finally be able to pull her into my arms again. “It’s not your fault.”
“But—”
“No, baby. He was bound to find out.” I breathe in the smell of her, letting it calm me. Letting it soothe the sting in my chest from Jesse’s parting words. From knowing I’ve lost my son for good now.
“But not like this,” Daisy whispers against my chest. The front of my shirt feels wet, and when I look down, I notice she’s crying.
“I’m sorry he spoke so harshly to you.” I wipe her cheek, and she shakes her head.
“It’s not that,” she sniffles. “It’s… you’ve lost him again, Wes. After he came back.”
I sigh, fighting the tightness in my throat. Trying not to let myself think about what this means for me and Jess.
“It’s all my fault.” She tries to step away from me, but I hold her shoulders firmly.
“Don’t you dare say that. None of this is your fault.”
“They’re my photos,” she protests.
“Not all of them. Not…” I cringe, once again mentally cursing myself. “Not the most incriminating ones.”
“But if I wasn’t with you, none of this would have happened,” she presses.
“Daisy…” I take her face gently in my hands, forcing her gaze to mine. “If you weren’t with me, he never would have spoken to me. The only reason I even had him again to lose is because of you.”
But as I say these words, I have to wonder. If I’d spent the short time we had together lying to him, did I ever really have him back at all?
I glance at the dark street beyond the windows, thinking of my son, heading into the city alone. My heart crumbles at the thought of him hurting, but I shove the feeling away.
I still have Daisy, and I can’t let her see how losing Jess hurts. That’s not fair to her.
Clearing the emotion from my voice, I take a step back, trying to regain some semblance of normality for us. “We should eat,” I murmur, but Daisy shakes her head.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Me neither,” I admit.
We exchange a somber glance, and it drives a wedge into my chest. I wrench my gaze away, picking up our bags, and trudge up the stairs to the bedroom. Daisy follows me wearily, and we’re silent as we brush our teeth and climb into bed. It’s not late, but we’re exhausted and emotionally wrung-out.
We don’t make love tonight. Instead, I hold her tight, savoring her warmth, the comfort of her breath fanning over my chest, the gentle caress of her fingertips on my skin.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken over my son’s words.
Over knowing I’ll never get him back now.