19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Itried to find Mason before his session that day. It was a repeat of the one he had done in February, but this time Heather was presenting
I tried to find Mason before his session that day. It was a repeat of the one he had done in February, but this time Heather was presenting with him as it was originally designed. I wanted to explain what he had overheard, but he proved to be difficult to find.
“I’ve been looking for you!” Cooper said when he found me in the hotel’s basement between sessions later that morning.
The basement was the primary conference space for this hotel.
They had been broken up into smaller spaces that were perfect for groups of various sizes.
It also featured nooks where you could get away from everyone and catch your breath.
There was a great exhibit of some of the initiatives and their progress over the last year.
“What’s up?” I said, unable to make eye contact as I kept an eye out for Mason. I thought he might be down here to catch his breath in one of the nooks.
Cooper waved for me to follow him to an empty hallway. “I thanked all the candidates in person or by phone and let them know we’re re-opening the search,” he said, lowering his voice and crouching down to my level.
I raised an eyebrow. “That’s the final decision?”
Cooper shimmied his shoulders. “Not exactly, but I need you to do me a favor.”
I opened and spread my hands. “Anything! I’m happy to continue to help.”
“I need you to tell Mason you’re not making the final decision and will have no influence on my final decision,” Copper said, his voice shaking.
My smile fell and my jaw shook. “What happened?”
Cooper blinked a few times. “I asked him to send his resume in again and he refused.”
“Did he tell you I would sabotage his chance?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
Cooper nodded.
I felt deflated. How low was his opinion of me that he believed I would sabotage his chance to get his dream job? “I’m sorry,” I said, my head hung low.
“I assured him the job was his if he sent me his resume. I even reminded him the team had written the job description for him and it had been done before I asked you to be on the committee,” Cooper said and paused to take a breath.
“I told him you refused to be on the committee when I first asked because you didn’t want this exact thing to happen. ”
“He didn’t care, did he?” I asked after taking a deep breath and exhaling.
Cooper shook his head. “He said you want him to fail.”
I counted to five before responding, my mind spinning with ideas on what to do next. None were great. “I’ll do my best to fix this. As of this moment, consider me off the committee. I have nothing to do with your final decision. I’m looking for Mason anyway. Where did you last see him?”
Cooper stood up and looked around. “I thought he came down here ahead of me, but I don’t see him anywhere.”
I skipped the workshops and lectures before lunch in hopes of finding Mason.
I kept replaying my words to Lois, feeling like I had been set up to hurt him.
Lois was no idiot, but neither was I. I had been behaving like one when it came to Mason.
I was so interested in showing off how successful and important I was that I had been ignoring the few interactions I had with him.
We had always used intellectual discussion to flirt.
His ‘citation needed’ refrain was supposed to be tongue in cheek, another way to flirt.
There could be only one reason Lois had set me up and that was because I had been about to win.
I had overheard their argument at the conference in Lacock.
I knew he was aware that he was going to leave Lacock State and needed a new job.
I had come to Lacock again, and it had sparked something for both of us.
She had momentarily convinced him I would sabotage him, but he questioned it after the reception.
Her fake apology reeked of her trying to prove she was right.
As I searched, I thought about the best possible outcome.
It was more than Mason getting the job with WikiAcademia.
It was his freedom to go where he wanted in his career and in the world.
He could move to Cape Cod to live with me.
We could build the life we had dreamed of the first time around.
We could travel together for EncycloWiki meetings and events.
Both jobs were remote so we could be here in London, Paris, or anywhere else we wanted.
Then I remembered the original wedge that Lois had been able to drive deeper between us.
His remaining family was in Lacock. I had searched for his grandparents in the spring, after I got home from the conference.
They were still alive and probably still living close to him.
What chance did we have if he was in Lacock and I was in Cape Cod?
Maybe if this was a new relationship and we were unsure this would even work.
We had been engaged and planning our lives together.
We knew we were good together and I would hate traveling two hours each way to spend a few days with him here and there.
Lacock wasn’t that bad anymore. In fact, it might be more accessible than most of Cape Cod.
I had gotten lucky to find a place built for the owner’s mother who had used a wheelchair herself.
Mason and I could live there short term, but we’d both need more space, and we’d have to build it ourselves.
I didn’t know if that existed in Lacock yet, but the city seemed ready to open themselves up to everyone.
It had felt safe that weekend I was there.
Everyone I talked to seemed to be making an effort.
It was time to be an adult. What was I willing to give up or adjust so Mason and I could be together?
Maybe I couldn’t convince him to take this job, but I had to make him see that I wanted him to be happy and doing what he loved.
I wasn’t sure I had ruined it, but I had to do my best to show him I had been wrong when I had refused to bend last time.
I had proven Lois Fairfax right at graduation, but this time I was determined to prove her wrong.
My brain circled around this through lunch.
I found it hard to focus as I replayed the morning’s fuck up, the plan I was determined to make happen, and my romantic fantasies about how happy our lives would be if we got back together.
I sat with my staff but didn’t hear a word they said.
I was too busy keeping an eye out for Mason.
I didn’t see him at all during lunch, but Heather and Lois eventually came in, smug looks of satisfaction on their faces when they saw me.
“Excuse me,” I said before going out the door when the women sat down with their backs to me.
I had minutes and knew exactly where Mason would be.
I hoped he’d be alone. He was presenting right after lunch.
I knew he would run through the presentation until the moment people started to arrive.
I played the conversation in my head over and over as the elevator took me up to the main floor and I made my way to the right room.
I was shocked to find it empty, but the slides were loaded and ready to go.
I returned to the hallway and found a spot to think.
I really wanted to talk to him before his session started.
I wanted to explain myself and to help him feel the spark like he had in February when he had seen Cooper and me in his session.
I wanted all the people here to know that I thought his session was important because it was.
What could I say that would make him believe this and not what he had heard me say to Lois?
I looked around, hoping to see him. I might not have been out of breath from rushing up here, but my heart still raced.
“Penny? What do you want?” Mason asked when he saw me.
I opened my mouth to speak when three other people walked by and said hi to me. Fuck, the session was starting shortly. I didn’t have time to say everything I wanted, but I had to try to get him to apply for the WikiAcademia job if nothing else.
“I’m sorry you overheard my fight with Lois,” I said, words rushing out of my mouth.
Mason smacked his lips. “Well, you were always blunt about what you thought was good and bad for me.”
I frowned and clenched my fists. I didn’t like being called out for the worst mistake I had made in our relationship, but he wasn’t wrong.
I had to sit with that discomfort. “You’re right.
I didn’t understand what you wanted and I can’t say I still perfectly understand.
What we both know is that you deserve that WikiAcademia job.
We both know what it means to you. Do you really want tenure at the new version of Lacock State?
Lois made sure you heard what she wanted you to hear, but has she talked to you about her plans to make you an administrator?
I can’t believe that’s something you’d actually want. ”
Mason raised those thick, dark eyebrows. “I don’t trust you to give it to me anymore than I trust Lois to do anything that helps me more than it helps her.”
I pursed my lips and clenched my fists. “I’ve only wanted you to have what would make you happy! If it’s tenure and a life in administration, then take it. If it’s the WikiAcademia job, then prove to the other committee members that any criticism I could have of you is wrong!”
Mason’s face got red, but I could see his body start to relax.
Maybe I was getting through to him. I was running out of time and needed to be even clearer.
I threw an arm out and pointed to the elevator.
“The people making the decision wrote that job for you. They were going to invite you to apply all along. They’ve been trying to find the best alternative and failing.
Even if I wanted to sabotage you, nothing I could say or do would convince them you’re not perfect for the job.
Promise me you’ll give Cooper your resume. ”
Mason looked at me and I heard his breath shaking. I didn’t know how to react, but I wanted to do something. I thought about reaching out to touch him but didn’t. It felt like that would be too much. I had one more thought that I needed to share.
“I don’t know what’s happened to you since we broke up, but when I saw you for the first time in February, you seemed like a different person.
You weren’t the Mason I had once loved until you walked into my session at the conference.
Then it was like you had woken up. Maybe you love the work you’ve done at Lacock State, but they’re moving in a different direction than you are.
Get out before Lois sucks all the passion out of you for her personal growth. ”
We stared at each other for a moment. I wasn’t willing to break off until I felt like my words had sunk in. “I have to go,” Mason said, getting to his feet.
I grabbed his arm as he turned and let it slide through my hand as he walked away. “Promise me, Mason. Do this because you want it and you would be brilliant doing it.”
He didn’t turn around, and I feared the damage had been done. I had to trust him to make up his own mind. I had shown him where the water was. Now I had to trust that he would go there and drink for himself.