Chapter 14
S team billows throughout the bathroom. My body is sensitive and red by the time I haul myself to my feet and scrub the guilt from my skin. If Giuliana asks why it’s taking so long, I’ll play into vanity or something. Anything to avoid admitting how fucked up I feel.
Somewhere between the nausea clearing and my chest aching with a full breath, I decide. My life in New York isn’t one I’ve missed so far. The money… fuck, I’ll hate going without the money, but it hasn’t done shit for the way I’m feeling. What good are riches when I’m on the verge of losing myself? Kelsey and my old life flooding in tipped me over the edge again and I’m not so sure I’ll be able to pull myself back next time. The closest I’ve come to joy is hot days in the sun and Giuliana’s warm voice covering me like molten honey as we work side by side. That’s got to count for something.
When I emerge—towel slung low on my hips, droplets drying on my chest—she’s frowning over her phone screen. I cradle my dirty clothes, phone, and the ring box under one arm. Giuliana glances up, concentration melting into a glazed look to her eyes and her lips part. Her cheeks pinken but she catches herself, gaze dropping back to her phone. So beautiful. Nothing but trouble. Still, it does wonders for my mood knowing I’ve affected her.
“Your turn.” I smile, shaking off the last remnants of my panic and slip the mask back into place.
Giuliana keeps her eyes averted, grabs the dress and rushes into the bathroom. The click of the door is a weight off my chest. I’ll need all the courage I can muster to get through this charade, better to gather it while she’s not watching. I don a white linen button-up shirt and lightweight slacks. Not necessarily the most formal of attire, but definitely not inappropriate.
Grabbing the journal and a pen from my backpack, I try to purge the last of these ugly feelings before she returns. The box I slipped into my pocket digs into my thigh and reminds me what tonight holds. Probably the last big purchase I’m going to be able to make in a while.
When the door opens again, Giuliana emerges in red fabric that clings and wraps, hugging her curves and setting my soul on fire. My decision is final—the die cast. My casket is measured and made. I might as well let myself enjoy every shred of what I’ve been conflicted about allowing.
“Beautiful.” It’s a rasp of a word, my heart in my throat.
“I didn’t bring any makeup, and all I have are the flats I came in.” She protests, fluffing her freshly dried hair with her hand.
“ Beautiful ,” I insist and she must see the seriousness counteracting my usual breeziness, because she nods, a blush spreading across her cheeks.
I pack the journal back into the bag, tucking away the lies I’ll leave with, and reach out my hand for her to take.
“Matteo…” She gives me a skeptical look, no doubt thinking about keeping things professional.
“Look, it’s for show, okay? Why not let yourself forget about work and pressure, and keeping our distance? Have fun. There are two beds in here, no need for us to worry. When we come back tonight, we stick to our sides. I know my place. Out there we have to keep up appearances. So just for tonight, let me dote on you and call you beautiful, and watch that dress twirl while we dance.”
“Fine, okay.” Her breath leaves her chest in a huff and she slips her hand into mine.
We walk down the stairs and cross the lobby. Every second of her skin touching mine leaves a flutter in my stomach and a giddiness that seems ridiculous.
“Where do we…” she starts, the rows of chairs divided.
“Bride’s side, I guess. She’s the one who invited us to join.”
And I hope to god it doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass. Guests file in, chatter lively and eventually so cacophonous I can hardly stand it. I’m ready to cover my ears or leave the room when Giuliana takes my hand from where it rests on my bouncing knee.
She’s absorbing the stunning view of the grove up ahead and people watching. But even so she takes the time to squeeze my hand. It’s innocuous. It’s a familiarity, an intimacy I’ve never experienced. Although this isn’t the messy, gut-churning feeling from earlier, it’s still not the unbothered person I present to the world. For her to notice, for her to take the time to soothe…
Fuck.
I focus on that—on the feel of her touch cutting off the rest of the world. I’m so captivated I don’t realize the bride’s shown up until Giuliana tugs me to my feet. She cranes her neck—closer to the aisle than I am—trying to catch a glimpse of our benevolent bride. My eyes are only on Giuliana. I soak up the smile cutting into her cheeks and her breathless wonder at the ceremony.
There’s a mix of Italian and English, so Giuliana gets to enjoy both parts. The crowd laughs at certain points but I barely notice. Giuliana tears up during the ceremony, eyes a sheen of moisture. Looking up at me, she gives me a watery smile. This time it’s my turn to squeeze her hand and one of those droplets falls. I steal it with the back of my finger, catching the warm salt on my skin.
The newly-wedded pair share a passionate kiss and the crowd erupts in cheers and laughs. I join in with the clapping and shuffle out with the rest, a cone of rice thrust into my hand to toss at the happy couple as they walk through the wall of windows into the grove. As Kelsey passes us, she gives me a wink and a bright smile and I pray that Giuliana misses it.
It’s time. Dusk paints the sky over the sprawling grove, the sun’s hazy heat hanging around the horizon like a mirage.
“Hey, let’s get some air.” Threading my fingers between Giuliana’s, I nudge her gently toward the grove.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. The bridal party is in the grove.” She doesn’t pull her hand away but her feet remain glued to the floor.
“It’s massive out there. They won’t even notice, and this might be the only chance we get to explore without someone watching.” It’s a lie. Kelsey will be watching. Francesca too. Hell, I have no idea who else might know since Francesca was so free with her information earlier.
“That’s a good point. But the second it looks like we might get in the way we are running back here. Is that clear?” Giuliana tries to keep her tone stern and her expression serious. I nod like the boy scout that I definitely am not.
We stroll down the stairs toward the rows of trees—a different cultivar from the one Giuliana’s family uses—her hand still in mine despite the fact that no one is around to see. She takes the time to touch the bark, to caress the fruit. It doesn’t feel all that different to me but then again, I’m too caught up in the knowledge of what comes next.
Blue summer sky melts into purples and oranges as the sun gives her last hurrah, and I know it’s my moment. I stall, Giuliana’s step interrupted by my immobility and the connection of our hands. She looks back at me in confusion that only grows when I whisper.
“Okay, so remember when I said there was a surprise?”
“Yes? What did you do?”
“I knew there was no way you’d go along with this and I wanted to make sure you actually looked surprised. My mouth got ahead of me when I was spinning my little story to Francesca, and it kind of snowballed from there.”
Her brows draw down over those expressive eyes, darkening the spiced rum into something even more dangerous.
“What did you do?”
“You’ll see. Try to remember this is for you. I’m doing this to help so please, trust me.”
“Matteo?” It’s a warning.
“Giuliana, promise me.” My heart races, my body itching to run off some of this energy. Nowhere to run now, it’s time to face the music.
“Okay, okay. I’ll trust you.”
I drop her hand and take a step back. It doesn’t have to be this extra, it doesn’t have to be anything at all. If I hadn’t been so fucked with anxiety, I could have told her back in the room and asked her to slip on the ring to cement our charade. But my lies included a grove proposal, and god dammit, I’m going to see it through.
Her beautiful brown eyes stare up at me, lashes impossibly long, the light catching and warming the color to something molten and warm. Skin I long to touch glows in the golden hour around us and I have to swallow twice before I speak—a little louder in case we have an audience, which I suspect we might.
“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. Not just the way you look but the way you act and are. I see how much you care about your family; about the people you’ve taken responsibility for who see you as more than just a boss. You’ve built something amazing.”
She starts to interrupt and I’m sure she’s going to brush it off so I shake my head and her parted lips close.
“ You did it. You took what was given and you poured your blood and tears into keeping it alive. And that’s how you make me feel. I’ve never felt as alive as I do with you. Your laugh spreads threads of gold through my whole body. Your lips taste like the sweetest wine. I’m drunk on you, on each drop of your presence. Lia…
“Every second of this summer has been the best of my life and I know I’ll never forget a moment of it. I’m in awe of you. I don’t deserve to even breathe the same air as you. But… we both know I’m a selfish bastard, so.”
Sinking onto one knee, I pull out the ring box that thankfully only catches once in my pocket. The lid snaps open, sunset dancing in the cuts and curves of the stone. My muscles shake, my body not realizing that this is fake—this proposal isn’t the real deal. I don’t even care that I’ve moved from silly nicknames to rile her onto something that feels very personal—intimate.
“Matteo,” she gasps, her breathing getting harsher and I can see something vulnerable settle onto her face.
“ Trust me, for Abundantia’s sake, ” I whisper.
“Giuliana Santoro, will you do me the immense honor of agreeing to marry me?”