Chapter 11
ELEVEN
JOSIE
There are few things in life more rejuvenating than being frozen to the bone and then stepping into a long, hot, glorious shower. I wash away the remnants of last night, the coldness of this morning, and take a moment to think of my next steps.
I dig in my bag for fresh clothes—which entails exactly one black sports bra, my backup underwear, and a pair of yoga-style biker shorts.
When I put on the outfit and face the mirror, I shake my head.
Well, this certainly doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.
Not that Colby didn’t see me naked last night, or touch me in every place, but it was so rushed and hurried, she didn’t really see all of me.
The fresh coffee aroma fills the house, and I follow the scent to the kitchen. At the counter, Colby has switched into sweatpants and a flannel and is sipping from a mug while staring out the window.
“Hey, any chance you have a second cup,” I say, adding a deflecting tone to my words.
“Of cour—” she starts and then stares at me. Her gaze travels, down my chest, down my naked belly, past my thighs. She quickly flicks her gaze back to the mugs and grabs one off the hook. “Of course. Cream or sugar?”
“No, black is awesome,” I say, feeling both the need to cross my arms and cover myself, and the naughty desire to sit in front of Colby and watch her squirm a little more.
Okay, seriously. Something is very, very wrong with me.
“You don’t happen to have an extra sweatshirt or something I could wear, do you?
All I had in my bag was this for barre class, which is practically clothing optional. ”
She chuckles and hands me a mug. “For sure. Let me grab you some things.” A moment later, she returns with sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and socks.
As I tug them on, I’m grateful that she wears her clothes loose.
We’re not that different in size, but my God, she is muscular and fit, where I’m more soft and curvy.
But the clothes feel intimate somehow, like I’m wearing something unfamiliar, foreign.
Not bad, just different. They smell like her delicate soft lavender and sage scent, and I resist the urge to bring it to my nose and pull in a deep breath.
“So, do you want the good news first, or the bad?” Colby says as she leans against the counter, mug to her lips.
“Oh God, this game is always a lose-lose,” I say, blowing into my mug. “Let’s do the bad news first.”
“The storm of the century that Minnesotans always talk about, but it never actually comes… Well, it’s here.
And it’s going to get worse.” She sets her mug down and casually peels a banana like she didn’t just drop the worst news imaginable.
“They’re expecting the next five days at least to be like this. ”
Five days! Everything in me feels itchy and impatient.
My neck, my head, my arms. I cannot be stuck with Colby for five days.
I cannot be stuck anywhere for five days, much less a secluded cabin in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere with nothing to do but sit with a woman in an open-plan space who I happened to tongue rail last night. I’ll absolutely lose my shit.
Yep, this is karma creeping up and bitch-slapping me. This is exactly what I get for doing what I promised to myself I wouldn’t. Ugh… If a crater could swallow me whole right now, that’d be amazing.
I push out a weak smile even though the air feels like it’s locked in my throat. “Wow. That’s… ah, wow. That’s a lot of days to be stuck somewhere.” What an idiotic statement, but I have no other words. The room feels fuzzy, blinking in and out of focus. I need to sit before I tilt over completely.
Colby sits on a chair at the table and I plop next to her.
She gives my hand a quick pat, then pulls back like she’s not sure if she should touch me.
“Please don’t worry,” she says. “I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I have enough food to last a year.
And if the power goes out, I have a stockpile of wood, and a forest filled with fallen trees that we can use, okay? We’ll be good.”
The physical survival is the very last thing that I’m worried about.
Quiet, solitude, sitting, is mental warfare.
It’s my least favorite activity, the one I avoid at all costs, and not only do I have to do that, I have to do that with someone I just had sex with.
I unzip the top of the hooded sweatshirt and fan my heated chest.
“Hey, are you okay?” Colby leans forward, her concerned eyes scanning me. “Maybe you should eat something. Your face is doing a very impressive routine right now and swapping between pale green and pink.”
Maybe she’s right. I grab a banana out of the fruit bowl and take a bite, but my mind absolutely will not settle.
As much as I hate this, we have to address last night.
And dammit, I need to apologize. Colby opened up, was super vulnerable, and did I take advantage of that because I wanted to do my escape artist routine?
It’s sick. I’m sick. Really. I do not like this version of myself at all, and Colby was caught in the crossfire.
“You said you had good news, too?” I say. Maybe I can just keep Colby talking. For five days, I will either hide in the shed and doomscroll until my eyes bleed or keep her talking so I don’t have to own up to my terrible judgment.
“Yes,” Colby says as she wraps her hair back up into a ponytail. “I have a fully functioning hot tub.”
I crack a huge smile, my first one of the day. “You have a hot tub? How did you not lead with this? You always lead with ‘I have a hot tub.’”
“There just didn’t seem like an appropriate time to drop that on you,” Colby says with a soft chuckle. “But anytime you want to use it, just let me know and I can help show you how.”
I lean back in my chair. God, I love hot tubs, but hardly ever have a chance to use one.
Sure, I can sit in one at the local YMCA among chatty strangers often with questionable body hair who don’t understand the need to relax in silence.
Maybe being stuck at Colby’s place for a little bit won’t be so bad.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me last night that you had one. ”
Last night. As soon as the words slipped out, and the way that a white line flashes up Colby’s neck like a shattered lightning bolt, I immediately want to suck them back in.
Well, there. I did it. I dropped the bomb about last night, and now I have no choice but to actually call it out.
I take a deep breath and open my mouth to apologize.
“I’m so sorry about last night, Josie,” Colby says, her eyes focused on her fingers. “I should’ve never…”
“Wait, what?” She’s sorry? What the hell does she have to be sorry about? Sure, it was mutual, consensual, hot, but I know my pattern, my MO, who I am, and still did it. “What are you talking about? I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”
Her gaze snaps back to me and she tilts her head.
“Why would you apologize to me? You did absolutely nothing wrong. I, um—” Her throat bobs with a heavy, thick swallow.
“It’s, ah…” She stands from the table and leans against the counter, tugging at the fabric on her cuffs.
“With everything that happened with Kona, it just brought up so many memories, so many awful, terrible memories, and I was looking for something to help me forget. Ugh… Please know that I really like you, a lot, and I’m so glad we’ve become friends, and I’m really worried that I completely screwed this up because I needed to be distracted.
Nothing about what happened last night was fair to you. ”
The chair squeaks across the hardwood floor as I push it out and move toward Colby.
I want to hug her but also tell her that she sucks, because no, it doesn’t feel good to be used as a distraction.
But at the same time, I want to kneel in front of her and beg for forgiveness because I did the same damn thing.
“Nothing here is screwed up, unless I did it.”
Colby’s eyes bore into mine like she’s trying to read me, but confusion still crosses her face. “I don’t think you get it.”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think you get it.
” I inhale a quick breath. If we are going to spend the next five days together trapped in this home, now is the time to fully get everything out.
“How about we move into the living room,” I say through the tension tightening in my stomach.
“I think there’s some things we should talk about. ”