14. Chapter 14
I finish my nightly routine and curl up under the sheets when my phone screen lights up with an incoming call from Austin.
I haven’t exactly been avoiding him since our talk last weekend. But I haven’t reached out to him either.
Usually when he’s traveling for games, we text nonstop. There are obviously lulls when he’s at practice, games, or working out. Yet, even with how busy he is, Austin always finds the time to text me back and pick up the conversation right where we left off.
This week has been different, though, and I can’t help but blame myself.
I’m the one who usually texts him first, sending him a little encouragement before a game, a celebratory text when the Mustangs win, or a “You’ll get them next time, Slugger” text when they lose.
I just haven’t been able to find the courage to text him after how awkward I was during our last call.
He probably hasn’t thought twice about it, but it’s all I can think about.
We leave on Monday for St. Lucia. Then I’ll be with him for five days. We’ve spent an entire day together plenty of times, but never that many in a row. Never vacationed together.
Before the call can go to voicemail, I take a deep breath and slide my thumb across the screen. “Hi, Slugger.”
“Hey, Aly Kat.”
I giggle, feeling a little more at ease hearing the nickname. “How did you know I was buried under my covers?”
“We’ve been friends for three years. You really think I don’t know your nighttime routine?”
“Fair point.” It shouldn’t surprise me because I know his rhythms as naturally as I know how to breathe. I can tell what kind of mood he’s in simply by the way he walks into a room. “How’s your week been?”
“It started off great with the three wins against the Raleigh Ravens. But losing two nights in a row has team morale low. The no-hitter tonight was brutal.”
“I’m sorry.” I wish I could have been there for him. I should’ve texted him yesterday and today after their losses. “I’m sure everyone’s fired up now, though.”
“It was the kick in the butt we needed. Hopefully we can beat the Sharks tomorrow.”
“I know your schedule is crazy with away games, but have you been able to explore Charleston at all?” It’s wild to think he could’ve gone to the same spots as Rhett just a few weeks apart. But it’s Austin I wish I was there with.
It’s always him.
It’s always been him.
No matter how many dates I’ve gone on trying to convince myself otherwise, every single one has only brought me back to Austin.
“Not outside of the stadium, the gym, and my hotel room.” He’s quiet for a beat before saying, “How are things going with Rhett?”
I close my eyes and burrow further under my covers, thankful he can’t see me right now. I knew I’d need to tell Austin eventually that I’m not talking to Rhett anymore, but I thought I had more time. “We decided we’re better off as friends.”
“Really?” Austin’s voice cracks, and I think I hear some laughter in the background. He clears his throat and repeats the question, his voice deeper. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
I nod, then realize he can’t see me. “Mm-hmm. He was amazing, but we’re just different.”
“Sorry, I know you liked him.”
“He’s one of the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met, but he just wasn’t my person, you know?” It’s not like I can say that I already know who my person is. I’m not particularly in the mood to get my heart crushed tonight.
“Right.” Austin is unusually quiet before continuing. “Uh, anyway. I was wondering if there’s anything else I need to know before we leave for St. Lucia? Like dress code or any certain events I need outfits for? I have a game tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll be back late tomorrow night to get packed.”
“Shoot, I thought I told you.” I’ve been so caught up in my anxious thoughts, I realize I never even sent him the schedule.
“Told me what?”
“There’s a whole itinerary.”
“Itinerary.” He repeats the word slowly. “For a wedding?”
“Did you forget who we’re talking about here?”
He breathes out a laugh. “I should’ve known Bradley and Bianca would have an entire week of events scheduled around them.”
“A rehearsal dinner and wedding just simply isn’t enough attention,” I say in my best posh accent.
“Of course I want ten ice sculptures of us. Figuring out how to make that work in the Caribbean summer heat sounds like a you problem.” Austin’s fake accent sounds more like a confused Australian.
I giggle before continuing the charade. “Why, yes, my request for twenty live peacocks behind us as we say ‘I do’ is legitimate.”
“Now you’ve just gone too far,” Austin tuts.
“You think twenty peacocks is worse than ten ice sculptures?”
“When we’re talking about keeping ice frozen versus acquiring and wrangling twenty wild animals, then yes.”
“Fair. I’ll send you the itinerary, though. I’m sure you have everything you need in that giant closet of yours.”
“Hey, I can’t help it if Coach doesn’t want us pictured in the same suit for every game day.”
“I’m not judging.” My tone oozes with sarcasm. “I’m simply saying it’s very lucky you have all those nice clothes to fit their fancy vibes.”
“Sure.” Austin drags out the word. “Any events I need to mentally prepare for?”
“All of them,” I breathe.
“Hey, we’re in this together. You and me against the world.”
His words settle my nerves. “Thanks, Austin.”
“Anytime.”
I yawn and try to cover it with my mouth.
“Sounds like I should let you get to bed. If you don’t mind sending over that schedule, I’ll make sure I have everything I need. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you.”
“Are you kidding?” I laugh. “The Vanderbilts love the Mustangs. I’m more worried about embarrassing you.”
“Really? The picture of poise and perfection thinks she will embarrass me?” Austin scoffs.
“I’m not perfect. A perfectionist, yes. But not perfect.” I might always make myself look put together, but it’s with the help of a carefully thrifted wardrobe, a curling iron, and lots of texture spray.
“You are to me.”
His admission sends my heart skittering.
We’re just friends. I repeat the words to myself like a mantra. One I desperately need to engrain in my brain.
I try to laugh off the compliment. “If anyone’s perfect here, it’s you.”
“I think our losses the past two days prove otherwise.”
“You are to me.” I throw his words back at him, but they come out more gentle and genuine rather than a retort. I may as well have giant letters stamped on my forehead that say I have feelings for you.
“Thanks, Lyssa.” His voice is soft and warm, like a hug I never want to end. “I really will let you get to bed. I’ll see you bright and early Monday morning.”
“See you then.”
“Good night.”
“Good night.” I quickly end the call before flinging my phone beside me and burying my face in my hands.
I don’t think there’s a word in the English language to describe how I’m feeling.
Nothing says that I’m happy, terrified, confused, and hopeful at the same time.
Maybe I’ll finally be able to put a word to it in a few days. Thinking about spending that much time with Austin leaves my heart racing and my stomach churning.
There’s no way I’m going to fall asleep anytime soon with the way my body is on high alert. I grab my phone and text Austin the itinerary and then get out of bed to go through my closet again.
Austin might have just told me I’m perfect, but I need to pull out all the stops if I want him to see me as something more than a friend.