11. Chapter 10
Mercedes sat at the bar staring into her drink while everybody else in the club carried on around her.
The ice had already melted down some, but she still hadn’t really touched it.
Her mind was somewhere else completely. It was on stupid ass Ohaji, the punch, and the exhausting performance she put on every day pretending everything was okay.
“Yo.” Mercedes looked up.
Steelo stood beside her with one hand in his pocket and a blunt tucked behind his ear. He looked completely care-free and laid back. The complete opposite of what she was right now.
“You aight?” he asked.
Mercedes nodded too fast. “Yeah.”
Steelo stole a glance at her. “You sure?”
“I said I’m cool.” Mercedes replied back with a slight attitude.
His attention lingered on the side of her face for a moment too long. Mercedes immediately knew what had caught it.
She grabbed her drink and looked away. “Don’t start that shit tonight Steelo.”
Steelo folded his arms beside her. “I wasn’t even gon say nothing.”
“Mmm hmm.” Mercedes said rolling her eyes.
“I wasn’t.” Steelo replied.
Mercedes let out a tired little laugh. “You sounding real concerned over there.”
Steelo tried to mask the smile spreading across his face. “Maybe I am.”
Something about him always threw her off. Most men saw a pretty girl and immediately started trying to spit game to get in her pants. But Steelo? He paid attention. That was what made him stand out from the rest of the niggas she usually came across.
Mercedes looked over at him again. “You always this damn nosy?”
“Only with people I care about.” Steelo answered back.
Mercedes stared intently into her glass refusing to give him the reaction he may have been looking for.
The club was loud around them. Girls were laughing. Music was blasting. And bottles was popping somewhere in VIP. But standing there next to Steelo somehow made it easy to open up.
“You ever stay with somebody knowing they slowly breaking you from the inside out?” she asked after a while.
Steelo looked at her without even hesitating. “Yeah.”
Mercedes swallowed hard.
"The fucked up part is,” Steelo continued, “Is you keep hoping they gon turn back into the person they was in the beginning.”
Mercedes had to catch her breath for a moment because that statement? That one was a little too real for her to hear.
“You talk like you know me or something,” she muttered.
Steelo stared ahead before letting out a quiet chuckle. “Nah. I just know pain when I see it.”
Mercedes took a long sip of her drink before her emotions started showing too much.
Cause to keep it all the way one hundred?
Nobody ever paid enough attention to notice when she was hurting.
Steelo reached over and slid her drink a little farther from the edge before it tipped over. It was a small but gentle gesture.
“You deserve better than whatever the fuck you settling for,” he said in a serious tone.
Mercedes playfully rolled her eyes and laughed. “You always got something deep to say?”
Steelo said with sincerity. “Only when somebody need to hear it.”
Mercedes scanned his face for a brief moment. Steelo wasn't the type to wear his feelings on his sleeve.
And on the real?
She ain’t know what the fuck to do with that.
Marcus and June eventually came back from the rear hallway looking real comfortable with each other.
His hand rested along her waist casually while June stood close enough to let everybody know what it was without either one of them saying it out loud.
Steelo noticed them then quickly looked away trying to mind his business.
Mercedes looked at Steelo and then followed suit.
She had too much on her mind to care about what two grown ass people were partaking in.
The night started slowing down after that.
More people headed out while the music switched to the grown and sexy shit.
Dancers started grabbing their bags and they counted money near the lockers in the back.
Mercedes slid her feet into her slides and tossed her heels into her bag.
She was more than ready to go home and lay down. She had a headache.
And truthfully?
She was tired of putting up with Ohaji's shit.
She opened up the doors and stepped outside. The parking lot was mostly quiet except for a few cars pulling out and people hanging around smoking before heading home. Mercedes started walking toward her Corolla near the back fence.
“Yo, Cedes.”
She turned around ready to cuss somebody the fuck out for bothering her. Steelo stood near the back door with his bookbag on his shoulder and a blunt in his hand. She wondered what the hell he wanted.
“You leaving?”
Mercedes adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “Obviously.”
Steelo laughed quietly. “Aight smartass. I’m saying let me walk you.”
“I know how to get to my car.” Mercedes replied.
“And I know this parking lot be having weird niggas hanging around.” Steelo said.
Mercedes side-eyed him with a small smirk. “Are you including yourself when you say that?”
Steelo grinned. “If I was one of the weird niggas, you’d know by now.”
Mercedes broke into a fit of laughter. The parking lot had started thinning out by the time they reached her car. After a minute, Steelo glanced over at her.
“You still with boul?”
Mercedes already knew who he meant. “Yeah.”
Steelo nodded slowly. “I see.”
Mercedes looked over at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothin’.” Steelo replied.
“You sure?” Mercedes asked inquisitively.
Steelo shrugged. “You just don’t seem like you happy with the nigga.”
Mercedes looked ahead again. “Shit, I don't even remember the last time I was happy overall.”
Steelo looked over at her after she said it. He wasn't judging her, nor was he trying to pry into her business.He was simply being a listening ear, nothing more. When they finally reached her car, Mercedes unlocked it and turned toward him.
“Thanks for walking me.”
Steelo nodded once. “You good?”
Mercedes opened her mouth to lie like usual, but Steelo’s eyes landed on her jaw. The concern on his face told her he'd already noticed what she was trying not to explain.
His whole demeanor changed. "That looks like a fresh bruise. Did he put his hands on you earlier?”
Mercedes broke eye contact and stared across the parking lot. “Steelo…”
“Nah,” he said lower this time as he balled into fists. “Did he?”
Mercedes focused on the parking lot and didn't say anything.
That silence told him everything he needed to know.
Steelo looked down shaking his head once like he was trying to calm himself down before he said something he couldn't take back.
“I’m good,” Mercedes whispered. “For real.”
“You ain’t gotta do that.” Steelo said.
“Do what?” Mercedes asked.
“Act like shit is okay when it’s not.” Steelo stated.
Mercedes gripped her keys tighter in her hand. “You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand.” Steelo had a concerned look in his eyes.
That line almost brought her to tears. It got her in her feelings heavy. Not because he was being pushy. But because he actually sounded like he cared.
Mercedes blinked rapidly before speaking. “I just be trying to make it through the day sometimes.”
Steelo moved a little closer to Mercedes and gently touched her shoulder. “If you ever need somebody,” he said, “call me.”
Mercedes chuckled trying to lighten the mood. “You offering therapy sessions now?”
“I’m serious.” Steelo replied staring in her eyes.
Mercedes returned the stare for a few minutes before she got into her car.
“Goodnight, Steelo.”
“Drive safe, Mercedes.”
Mercedes sat in her car for a while before she started it.
She saw her reflection in the rearview and shook her head.
Her makeup looked worn down and her eyes still burned from crying earlier.
She rested her forehead against the cool window for a moment and silently prayed to God.
Lately every night felt the same. There was work and everything that came with it.
Drama at home with Ohaji. Arguing with Ohaji.
Crying because of Ohaji. And the worst of all, pretending that she was fine when she really wasn't. It was all starting to take a serious toll on her.
A dry laugh slipped from her mouth while she stared through the windshield.
Somewhere along the line her life took a turn she never planned for, and now she felt stuck in a nightmare she hated but couldn’t wake up from.
Marcus had been part of that cycle for years.
People around the club always talked about him like he was some stand-up nigga that looked out for everybody, but what nobody understood was how hard it was to walk away once Marcus did you a favor.
And then there was Ohaji. That shit with him wasn’t love anymore.
She didn't know what the fuck it was at this point. He checked her phone even though he was the one doing the dirt. He used her face as a punching bag whenever he got angry. And he started arguments over nothing, then talked shit to her whenever she tried leaving to make her feel guilty like it was her fault. Every time he promised he’d change, she wanted to believe him so bad that she ignored all the reasons she shouldn’t.
Mercedes blew out a long breath and rubbed her hands on her jeans.
She was tired. Tired of making excuses, tired of pretending things would get better and tired of carrying around pain she never asked for.
And leaving sounded a whole lot easier than actually doing it.
Because walking away meant starting over.
It meant untangling years of history, broken promises, and feelings she should've let die a long time ago.
And the crazy thing was that she already knew she deserved better.
But leaving just meant accepting that the future she'd imagined with Ohaji was never going to happen.
Her mother damn sure wasn’t any help. That woman spent her whole life tolerating physical abuse and making excuses for men who stayed putting belt to ass.
Mercedes grew up hearing, “Men gon be men, baby. Just pray about it.” Meanwhile her mother walked around with black eyes and busted lips like that shit was normal.
Mercedes really hated that shit. She swore she’d never end up like her mother.
Now look at her. The last thing she wanted to think about was all the bullshit waiting for her at home.
She decided to focus her mind on happier times.
She thought back to the day that she first met June.
Meeting her felt random at first. Mercedes smiled faintly remembering that day at the nail salon on Broad Street.
June had walked in with her long silky hair, her pretty almond-shaped eyes, and the kind of stare that made you wonder what she was thinking.
Most people would've missed it, but Mercedes didn't. June noticed details.
Little things other people overlooked. They ended up sitting a few chairs apart joking about a woman arguing with her nail tech about a chipped acrylic.
By the time their appointments were over, they were still talking.
Everything about June felt real. There was no judgment, no weird energy, and no fake shit. Just somebody that listened.
A few months later, Mercedes brought up Heaven's Door during one of their conversations.
June scrunched her face. "You dance there?"
Mercedes laughed. "Don't look at me like that."
Back then, June wanted no parts of it. At least that's what Mercedes thought.
But somewhere along the way, June started asking questions.
Not about dancing. Not about the money she could be racking up on.
The people. Who owned the club. Who spent time there.
Who had been around the longest. Mercedes never paid much attention to it back then.
Now she wondered if maybe she should've. She still couldn’t believe June actually went through with going to the club.
And now look at her. She was the new top dancer and she had Marcus sprung already.
Mercedes swallowed hard before she stuck the key in the ignition.
At this point, she realized June was probably the only person in her life who didn't leave her stressed the fuck out.
Mercedes started the car and pulled off slowly.
When she looked in the mirror, Steelo was still standing there watching her leave.
By the time she turned the corner, he was all she could think about.
Somewhere along the way, that man had gotten under her skin.
And that right there was another problem.
Steelo was starting to feel a little too safe.
And women like Mercedes?
They weren't used to safe.
The closer she got to home, the less she wanted to be there.
Mercedes focused on the road ahead of her trying not to cry all over again.
She never got an apology text from Ohaji.
No “where you at.” text. Nothing. And that hurt worse somehow.
By the time she pulled into her apartment lot, she noticed Ohaji’s car wasn’t there.
Mercedes sat there quietly after turning the engine off.
She was happy to come home to no tension, no drama, and no fighting.
Just silence. And damn, silence shouldn’t have felt that good.
She grabbed her bag and headed upstairs to her studio apartment.
The minute she got inside, she kicked her shoes off and tossed her purse onto the couch.
“Lord,” she muttered tiredly.
The apartment smelled like Snuggle fabric softener from the plug-in near the kitchen. Soft LED lights glowed along the wall while her gold mirror reflected her tired face right back at her. Mercedes walked straight to the bathroom and turned the water on.
Tonight? She needed to soak this whole damn day off her body.
She poured herself a glass of wine first then lit one of her candles before climbing into the tub once it filled up.
Mercedes rested her head against the edge of the tub and let the music take her away for a little while.
At last she was able to settle down and have a moment of relaxation.
Jhene Aiko played from her speaker while the warm water worked the tension out of her muscles. Mercedes closed her eyes and exhaled.
Then Alicia Keys song Unthinkable came on. Mercedes immediately opened her eyes. That damn song. It used to remind her of love. Now it reminded her of disappointment. She took a big gulp of wine while staring at the ceiling.
“Girl…” she whispered to herself. “What the fuck happened to you?”
Mercedes wished she had an answer.
Cause deep down?
She truly didn’t recognize herself anymore.