19. Chapter 18
Ohaji stood outside the apartment door struggling with his key to get in while balancing a bouquet of grocery store bought flowers under his arm and a Wawa bag hanging from his wrist.
“Why this shit not workin?” he muttered while jiggling the knob harder.
All of a sudden he saw the door knob turn and then the door opened slowly. Mercedes stood there in a pink onesie and flexi rods in her hair with her arms folded across her chest. She looked beautiful and carried an aura like she was a brand new person somehow.
Ohaji blinked. “You changed the locks?”
Mercedes leaned against the doorway. “Sure did.”
“Oh so you just gon lock me out now?” Ohaji asked.
“You fuckin' right cause yo ass don't stay here no more” she answered confidently.
Ohaji looked offended. “Mercedes…”
“Nah nigga, let's not play the name game.” She pointed inside the apartment. “Your shit is right over there, go get it.”
His eyes moved past her into the living room. Three black trash bags sat near the couch stuffed with clothes, sneakers, and random junk hanging out the sides. One of his hoodies was halfway falling out one bag.
Ohaji stared at the bags in disbelief. “What the fuck is this?” He asked with an attitude.
“Your belongings.” Mercedes replied with wide eyes.
“In trash bags though?!” Ohaji asked.
Mercedes shrugged her shoulders. “Well your stuff is trash so I figured the bags matched.”
“Oh you got jokes now?” Ohaji asked feeling salty as hell.
“No. I got peace now.” Mercedes answered feeling like the woman she always wanted to be.
Ohaji stepped inside shaking his head while looking around. “Where my totes at?”
Mercedes walked over to the kitchen island and took a sip from her juice before answering. “I kept them.”
“You what?” Ohaji asked.
“You heard me nigga.” She smirked slightly. “Them clear containers is nice as hell. I used them to organize my wigs and my hair supplies in em.”
Ohaji looked like he was about to pass out. “Mercedes you can’t just take my shit.”
“Nigga please. You took my patience for two years. We both stealing.”
A laugh almost slipped out him before he caught himself. “You really serious right now?”
“As a fuckin' heart attack.” Mercedes stated with finality.
Ohaji rubbed his face hard. “So this it? You just done with me?”
Mercedes took a minute to really look at Ohaji. And for once, she didn't feel sad looking at him.
Just done.
Like she'd finally stopped giving a fuck about his entire existence.
“You know what your biggest mistake was?” she asked softly.
“Oh here we go wit this shit again.”
“You kept thinking I was gon keep settling cause I loved you.”
Ohaji went quiet.
Mercedes folded her arms tighter. “That’s why you got too comfortable.”
Ohaji sighed. “I said I was sorry.”
“And I heard you.”
“But?”
“But apologies don’t magically make people forget how you treated them.”
Ohaji looked around again before mumbling, “Damn. You really packed my shit like I died.”
Mercedes smirked. "You died in my heart and in my mind.”
“Oh aight, I see what's goin' on” he laughed bitterly. “Somebody been in ya ear gassin your fuckin' head up.”
The second he said it, Steelo’s face flashed across her mind.
That kiss.
The way he held her face gently like he actually valued her.
The way she felt safe around him instead of emotionally drained all the damn time.
The way he listened when she spoke.
She didn't have to beg him to be gentle with her.
And suddenly it hit her hard as hell.
She ain’t miss Ohaji.
She missed feeling loved.
That was the difference.
And Steelo?
Steelo made her remember what it felt like to be wanted without confusion attached to it.
Mercedes looked back at Ohaji standing there surrounded by trash bags and excuses.
Then she smiled softly. “Nah,” she said calmly. “I think I finally remembered who the fuck I am.”
Ohaji didn't like this new Mercedes standing before him at all. He grabbed the trash bags angrily while muttering under his breath. “Man whatever.”
Mercedes walked him to the door while he struggled carrying all three bags at once. One busted open near the hallway. Drawers and socks came tumbling out. Mercedes looked down at the mess.
Then back at him. “Oh damn.” She blinked innocently. “Looks like you got too much baggage.”
"Man, fuck you.” He didn't even bother looking at her as he walked out the door.
Mercedes laughed loud as hell while slamming the door behind him.
The silence in her apartment didn't bother her this time.
It felt comforting.
She glanced around the apartment one last time before grabbing her purse and her keys off the counter.
Ohaji was now a thing of the past.
Cause the minute he walked out that door with all his bullshit dragging behind him… somebody else was already taking up space in her mind.
And about thirty minutes later…
Mercedes stood outside Steelo’s apartment holding a small cheesecake box. She wasn't about to keep sleeping on this beautiful man any longer.
She walked up to his door before she could chicken out and knocked twice. A few seconds later, the door opened. Steelo stood there in black sweatpants and a white tank looking confused at first… then shocked. “Mercedes?”
She held the cheesecake box up awkwardly. “Peace offering.”
Steelo looked down at the box. “For what?”
“For stressin you out mentally.” Mercedes said feeling bad.
That made him laugh. “Girl what?”
Mercedes smiled nervously. “Can I come in before I lose my nerve and run back to my car?”
Steelo quickly stepped aside. “Yeah.”
The second the door closed behind her, all that confidence she'd had outside the apartment disappeared. Mercedes stood there suddenly feeling shy all over again.
Steelo closed the door behind her. “You good?”
Mercedes had trouble finding the words so she kept her eyes on the floor for a second.
Then she looked up at Steelo and said. “I think I been accepting survival love for so long that I forgot that love was supposed to feel good too.”
Steelo’s expression softened.
“And when you kissed me…” she continued, “it made me realize I ain’t wanna keep runnin from somethin that actually feels right.
Steelo treated her words like something fragile. He stepped closer slowly. “You mean that?”
Mercedes nodded once. “Yeah.”
He touched her face gently before speaking. “Good. Cause I been trying real hard not to pressure you.”
“I know.” Mercedes smiled sweetly.
“Truth be told.” He smiled softly. “That shit was low-key killin' me.”
Mercedes shook her head laughing. Then he pulled her closer by the waist and kissed her.
This kiss felt different than the first one.
It was more passionate, and it felt certain.
Like two people finally meeting each other in the same place emotionally.
And Mercedes realized something while standing there kissing him.
She spent so much time fighting to be loved that she forgot what being chosen naturally felt like.