Chapter 15
Cole stretched out on the couch next to me, replying to all my questions with thoughtful answers, while I took dutiful notes with the pen and paper I’d assumed I wouldn’t use. At some point, Henry joined us on the couch, and Cole made a blanket nest for her. Halfway through the questions I’d planned, I knew where I needed to focus my interview.
We breezed through his hockey playing youth and his motivations for coming to TU, but every time I mentioned his family, he tensed up. A good interviewer would circle the information, lulling him into a sense of comfort before digging for skeletons. Unfortunately, I was a mediocre interviewer. I wasn’t interested in digging for skeletons when I could still taste him every time I breathed.
In a non-professional capacity, I was burning up with curiosity. Why was this wholesome farm boy on edge about his family? I wanted to explore the snag, but we needed a change of scenery to jumpstart the conversation.
“Will you show me your room?”
He grinned as if I’d asked him to get naked and popped off the couch. “Definitely.”
When he extended a hand to help me up, I sent him a warning look. “For my article. I want to snoop through your stuff.”
“Snoop away. I don’t have anything to hide.” When I slid my palm against his, he hauled me off the couch and didn’t let go of my hand as he towed me up the stairs.
“That’s what they all say while hoarding their secrets,” I countered.
Cole scoffed. “City girl, you’re my only secret. Not everyone is out to get you.”
The stairs opened up to a hallway with four doors, two on each side, and a window at the far end. The closest room on the left was open, probably for duck reasons, but the rest were shut. On my immediate right, a much shorter hallway led to a bathroom. It was kind of a weird configuration for a suburban house, but I couldn’t say much. My dad’s house had two half-baths on the first floor.
Cole opened his door with a flourish and let me walk in ahead of him. “I had to come up here anyway before we started the tutoring portion of the evening. It’s not safe to leave stuff around the living room unless you want Henry to see if it’s edible. Spoiler alert: if she can reach it, it’s edible.”
“I didn’t realize ducks were so destructive,” I said absently as I took in his personal space.
He kept his room neat, not at all surprising, and he had the usual mismatched college furniture, a dresser, a desk, a bookshelf, a nightstand, and a huge-ass bed covered in a black comforter. Posters of hockey greats along with the Dallas and Denver NHL teams covered most of the walls. A TV sat on his dresser opposite the bed, but I ignored it to study his bookshelf. Several popular novels, mostly thrillers, mixed in with textbooks, all of it under a thick layer of dust.
“For a guy who doesn’t read, you have a lot of books.”
He shut the door and ambled over to frown at his untouched furniture. “My sister sends me books she thinks I might like every once in a while.”
I watched him carefully as I asked my next question. “Does she know about your reading problems?”
“Yes.” He didn’t elaborate or meet my gaze as he turned away to sit on his bed.
The English lit book we’d been working on lay next to a lamp on his bedside table, so I perched on the edge of the bed and reached for it, giving him the illusion of privacy. I absently flipped through the pages for a few seconds trying to decide on my next query.
“How did you get through your English classes in high school?”
The bed shifted as Cole faced me. “Is this for your article?”
My gaze jerked up and I frowned at him. “No. I won’t write about anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
He nodded, but his posture remained tense. “I don’t like talking about my shortcomings—who does?—but I know how my story sounds. Privileged athlete whines about not being perfect.”
I was afraid to move, afraid to breathe too hard, in case he suddenly decided not to share, but Cole offered me a tiny smile.
“Relax. I’m fine talking to you about this as long as it doesn’t end up in the TU Post.” He held up a hand before I could reassure him again. “I trust you.”
The belief sent a surprising spiral of warmth through me. Not many people had said those words to me in my life, the perils of living with a narcissist as a lone parent. “Just because you’re talented doesn’t mean your problems aren’t valid, Cole. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”
“I want to.” He ran his hand along the bedspread, smoothing the wrinkles, and I had an entirely inappropriate reaction. The length of the bed separated us, but I felt that touch as if he’d brushed my skin.
While I wrangled my hormones under control again, Cole started talking. “Everyone at our level knows at least one teammate who’s skated through their classes because of their athletic talent. When faced with making millions of dollars playing a game for a living, suddenly analyzing Shakespeare doesn’t seem so important. No one knows I was the dumb jock—not the hockey team, not my roommates, not my family. Grandpa and Mom were so proud when I got into TU. They had no idea how much I’d struggled with my classes. I didn’t want to see pity clouding their view of me, or worse, disgust.”
I scooted closer to cover his hand with mine. “I highly doubt your family would be disgusted by your struggles.”
Cole linked our fingers together and dropped an absent kiss on my knuckles. “You’re probably right, but I wasn’t interested in finding out. My sister, Kate, used to read to me when she was little, and we just never stopped. I think out of all of them, she might have guessed, but she never said anything. Just kept reading my assignments with me until I left for college. My little sister was the only reason I was able to graduate high school, and without her at TU, I’ve sunk back into my old habits of avoiding books at any cost.”
With tingles racing up my arm, I slowly extracted my hand. “Sounds like we’re on the right track for your tutoring then, and I’m going to go on record as stating you should tell your family.”
He watched me with a speculative gleam. “What happens if they recoil from my deep, dark secrets? Will you comfort me in my time of need?”
“Please. Your deep, dark secrets are pale gray at best.” I’d probably comfort him though, as best I could with my limited experience.
He tilted his head. “Would you prefer if I had a tortured past?”
I tossed my notebook onto the bed and got up to stretch. “No. I’d prefer if you didn’t present as this perfect specimen of manhood.”
Cole let out a surprised laugh. “I know the guys tease me about being Captain America, but I fuck up all the time. I try to be the kind of person my family would be proud of, but I don’t always succeed.”
I snorted, wandering around his room to create a bit of distance from all the emotional sharing. “It’s the fact that you try. I’ve been burned before by guys who made the same claim, then—” I cut myself off before I unloaded about Scott with his manipulation and his wandering dick.
As if he could hear the unspoken words, Cole’s face sharpened with suspicion. “Did he hurt you?”
“Who?” I tried to pretend ignorance, but Cole wasn’t having it.
He stood and stalked me with measured steps. “Your ex. Did. He. Hurt. You?”
Gone was the affable farm boy I’d gotten used to playing with. In his place stood the avenging angel he kept well-hidden. Without meaning to, I backed all the way up to the wall before I caught myself.
“No,” I shook my head to be sure he understood. “Not physically.”
I’d gotten tested the same day I’d stumbled on him and my mom. No lasting effects from our time together other than a major life change, a lingering mistrust of all men, and confirmation that my mom was as much of a bitch as I’d suspected. We weren’t close.
He nodded and some of the intensity faded, but not all. “What happened?”
“I thought I was supposed to be asking the questions?” My joke fell flat, and Cole leaned in as if he sensed my weakness.
“Talk to me, city girl.”
I slumped into the wall behind me, dropping my head back to stare at the ceiling. “Why does it matter?”
“Because he’s the reason you don’t trust me.”
My eyes shot to his. “I trust you.”
Cole tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers down my neck. “When you’re not thinking about it, you do. But when your head gets involved, you convince yourself to keep me at a distance.”
“We agreed on the distance.”
“No, you dictated the distance, and I let it slide. I’m done with you pushing me away though. Is he the reason you left your last school?”
“Yes.” I answered the easy question, hoping it would satisfy him, but I should have known better. Cole was on a mission.
“Tell me what he did.”
Out of habit, I didn’t answer, but Cole simply waited. I didn’t know why I was making a big deal out of the situation. Lots of girls got cheated on, lots of girls had shitty mothers. I didn’t need to shroud everything in secrecy, especially not to Cole. He’d figure it out eventually anyway.
I blew out a breath and gave in, at least to the harmless parts of the story. “My ex, Scott, was perfect when I first met him. Funny, cute, laughed at my jokes, didn’t push, loved my mom.”
A furrow formed between Cole’s dark brows at my emphasis, but he didn’t interrupt.
“We were together for two years, and over that time, he slowly transformed into an asshole. A little request here, a little gaslighting there. Are you sure you want to wear that? Wouldn’t you rather spend time with me than tutoring?”
“Why’d you stay with him if you were unhappy?”
I shook my head, losing myself a bit in the memories. “I didn’t realize I was unhappy. It was just normal for me. You have to understand my mom only cares about her own pleasure, and often, mine got in the way. I was fed and clothed and educated, but I was an accessory. Happiness didn’t rate anywhere on that list.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Thank you, but I put in the work with an excellent therapist she paid for to move past it.”
“But not far enough to avoid dating someone just like her?”
The truth hit me square in the chest, and though I’d toyed with the idea, hearing it said out loud made the ugly reality so much worse. “Apparently not.”
Cole slipped his arm around me and gently pulled me closer, stroking my back. “Why didn’t you leave her?”
“She’s a professor at my old school, so I got free tuition. I just wanted to finish my degree and get out from under her thumb. So much of my life was centered around her out of necessity. She always talked about how people couldn’t be trusted—especially men, especially my dad—so I didn’t feel like I had anywhere to go without starting all over. But she liked Scott. He always deferred to her. The sad part is I wasn’t even considering breaking up with him, despite seeing a therapist twice a month about my toxic mother. We never talked about my toxic boyfriend.”
“What happened?” he asked again, pairing it with the brush of his lips against my temple.
“I was supposed to be at the newspaper office, but there was a problem with the system, so I came home early. Scott’s car was in the driveway. I walked in on him balls deep in my mom on the living room couch.”
“Holy shit,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, it was a shock, but I wasn’t really surprised my mom would go after something she thought I loved. Scott should have fucking known better. I crashed at a co-worker’s place, and came here the next day to talk to my dad for the first time in twelve years.”
So smooth I barely noticed, Cole eased me into a hug. I’d missed out on a lot of physical comfort in my life, and his arms wrapped around me felt so good. Being strong and constantly rebuilding walls to keep myself safe was exhausting. I just wanted to lean for a little while. One minute—one minute wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t have to mean anything. With my excuses firmly in place, I curled my hands between us and let my head rest against his chest.
“I admit, that was more fucked up than I expected, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
He was wrong. I did trust him. Talking to him was easy, and I never wanted him to stop holding me, which was the problem. I could feel myself teetering on the edge of deeper feelings, and I was twisting myself into all kinds of knots to keep from falling.
With a shaky breath, I backed away and grabbed his lit book. “Story time’s over. Let’s get your reading out of the way.”
“I’m going on record to say if I ever come face to face with your ex, he’s going to be really unhappy with his life choices.”
“I’m sure he already regrets many things.” I didn’t mention my revenge article or Scott’s repeated texts and calls. No reason to give Cole more ammunition. I gestured to his closed door, but Cole sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him.
“Might as well be comfortable.”
I rolled my eyes, ignoring the skip in my belly. “If you can’t pay attention, we’re moving back to the couch.”
He held out his pinky, like he had the first day in the library. “Promise.”
With a budding warmth filling my throat, I hooked my finger through his and let him pull me down onto the bed.