Chapter 43 Teddy
TEDDY
Oh my fuck, I actually did it. I walked away from the game that has been my life for as long as I can remember. No more maybes and waiting. It’s done. I’m no longer a professional hockey player in the League.
My phone won’t stop buzzing in my pocket on the way back to rehab, the vibrations stacked one on top of another until it feels like the whole world is reacting at once. I pull the device out and hand it toward Em. “Can you check if there’s anything important?”
“There are your usual suspects: Jensen, Foster, Lance, Zimmerman, and the rest of the Woodpeckers roster. Jasper. Jake,” she lists off. “Then…oh.”
My stomach twists. “What is it?”
“Ivy texted you.”
The name hits me like a punch to the sternum. For a second, I forget how to breathe. “Ivy?”
“There are three messages from her. Do you want me to read them for you?”
“Is that even a real question?” I chuckle, a nervous buzz filling my entire being. “Of course I want you to read them!”
“Okay. First one,” she says, clearing her throat a little. “I saw the press conference. You were remarkable. Brave and honest in a way most people never manage in their whole lives.”
My grip tightens around the cane resting across my lap. Hearing from the woman I can’t stop thinking about is both thrilling and bittersweet. I crave for more. I need more of her words.
“Leave it to Ivy to say the one thing I didn’t know I needed to hear,” I murmur, still amazed that she finally texted me.
Em continues, softer now. “I can’t imagine how hard today must’ve been, but I’m proud of you. So damn proud. You should know that.”
I lean my head back against the seat, a harsh breath leaving me. It’s Ivy. It’s really her. Pride instead of pity. That’s all I ever wanted from her.
“Keep going,” I say, waiting for what's next.
“I miss you, Theodore. So fucking much. I’ll be back home after the final race on the 22nd. Wait for my call, okay?”
The car hums around us, but it’s drowned out by the happiness bubbling inside my chest. Not sure what else to say, I whisper, “She truly misses me.”
Em reaches over, squeezing my arm in comfort. “Yeah. She does. You’ll also see her soon.”
“I’ve been waiting for this, counting days, you know.”
“And what happens next?” she prompts.
“I’ll get my woman,” I say, a shaky smile tugging at my lips. “She’ll finally be all mine.”
For the first time since I left the press room, the thought of what comes next doesn’t scare the shit out of me. Because I know Ivy will be by my side.
“Ivy texted me yesterday. She’ll be back next week.” The words rush out of me as soon as I sit on the couch in Mel’s office the following afternoon. “Because her season ends tomorrow in Lake Placid.”
I press my hand flat to my bouncing knee, grounding myself against the sudden tight-chested feeling of being on the edge of what truly matters.
“How does that make you feel?” my therapist asks, unsurprised that I’ve brought up Ivy again.
Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my excited heart, but it’s no use.
“That’s a good question. Before now, it felt like she was on the other side of a frozen lake.
I could sense her standing there, but I had no idea if the ice between us would hold or if I was going to fall through trying to get across.
But her latest messages gave me new hope, like the ice has finally thickened enough to carry me across. ”
Mel taps her pen on her notebook. “What do you want from Ivy?”
“I don’t know,” I say automatically. Then I shake my head.
“No. That’s not true. I do know. I want there to be an us.
I’m not expecting her to run into my arms or confess she loves me.
I acknowledge that we’ve changed since meeting each other and in the time apart.
If we try to be together, it has to be rooted in who we are now.
We also have to work on our communication outside the controlled environment of the hospital. ”
“What makes you believe it could work this time?”
“Because I love her.” My answer comes easily. It’s the first time I have said them aloud to anyone, outside the voice memos. And I still mean every syllable.
“I love her,” I repeat, softer this time, a relieved smile on my face. “She’s the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last in the evening. Hell, I want to share every single thought in between with her, too.”
“You are worthy of love, Teddy. Don’t ever forget it,” she points out, making me smile wider. “Outside of Ivy, what comes next?”
“I’ve decided to leave rehab tomorrow morning. My surgery is next week and I want to enjoy life outside these four walls before it. Dr. Royce confirmed that I could take the time off when I called him earlier today.”
Mel hums. “That sounds a lot like progress, don’t you think?”
“It is,” I agree, more excitement bubbling inside me as I get a new idea. “And I’ll be out of town for a night or two.”
“For what?”
“I’m heading to Lake Placid.”
“For Ivy?” she asks. I can only imagine her smug expression, even if she sounds cool and composed.
“Yes, who else? Even if I can’t see her race, it’s my time to show up and support her.”
I’m expecting her family to be at the last race of the season, which means they’ll all be there when I show up.
I can’t help wondering what they’ll think when they see me, when they realize I’m not who I used to be.
The thought unsettles me, but then I think of Ivy and how good she is, how she always makes people feel at ease.
If her family’s anything like her, maybe I don’t have to worry as much as I think I do.
“That’s a huge step,” Mel comments.
I nod, hope and nerves twisting together in my chest. For weeks, I’ve been learning how to live without hockey in my life. Now, maybe, I get to learn how to live again with her by my side.
“It only feels right, because she showed up for me when I couldn’t stand on my own. And now…now I want to do the same. If all I get in return is to hear her voice, even briefly, I’ll be glad I went. That’s what love does to a person.”
She hums knowingly. “Then go show up.”
Uncle Jake’s truck smells of the peppermint gum he always chews and the same air freshener he’s used for years.
It’s oddly comforting. The heat is blasting, making the cabin a bit too warm, but I don’t bother adjusting it to a cooler setting.
A classic rock station plays on the radio, the tunes perfect for the stretch of road in front of us.
We’ve made this trip a few times in the past for hockey tournaments and the familiarity is comforting.
“You sure about this?” Jake asks.
“Nope, but I’m doing it anyway.”
He huffs out a short laugh. “Sounds about right. You were never the one to stop and consider your plans before acting.”
“What, you’re not going to try to stop me or anything?” I tilt my head toward him, one eyebrow raised.
“You think I could even if I wanted to?” Humor laces his voice. “That’s the thing about you—you go after what you want, no matter what.”
I appreciate that my uncle gets me and never judges my actions.
He’s been there since I was a kid, helping me the best way he can.
He was often the negotiator between me and my parents.
And he was the first person I called after the televised interview to vent.
He didn’t argue with my decision to go no contact with Dory and Sandra, promising, “Whatever you need, I’m here. ”
“You’ve changed,” he says after a while.
I fold my arms. “Thanks?”
“No, you don’t get it. I mean really changed. Not because of the unexpected blindness or the early retirement. It’s in how you carry yourself. I look at you now and I finally see you. Not the act.”
The comment lands hard. I turn away from him, facing the window, my jaw tight. It’s strange; his words feel like both a compliment and a jab. Hearing them from Jake means they’re true, and truth hurts when it reminds me of who I used to be.
“I’m not saying it was all fake pre-accident,” he explains.
“Some of it was survival. The management wanted a golden boy like your parents did. You were trying to keep everyone from seeing how scared you were by acting out. We both know my sister’s always been obsessed with appearances, whereas your father would rather maintain control over everything else.
Together they are the worst pair I could ever imagine.
” His voice stays steady, but there’s a weight behind it.
“I always saw it, you know. Even when you were putting on a show and everyone else bought it. I knew there was more to your actions. I never understood why you had to party and get yourself in the headlines. It never did you any good. But you were a grown man, so I let it be, because sometimes learning the hard way is the only way to go.”
I press my lips together, blinking fast. His words scrape at old guilt I’ve carried for years. I want to defend myself, but deep down I know he’s right. “I was so damn cold and uncaring.”
“You were never cold,” he corrects me. “Only scared and lonely. All while trying damn hard to earn love from people who are unworthy of your time.”
I stare out of the windshield, keeping my attention fixed ahead.
It’s easier to watch the shadowed world through glass than admit how much his words cut open.
Yet, I needed to hear them as a reminder of how I’ve changed.
“Well, I definitely learned my lesson. I only wish it didn’t come at such a heavy price. ”
“It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but think about what you have gained instead. I’ve enjoyed seeing how you’ve opened up your heart, not running when the feelings got real. Someone would argue you’re doing the opposite.”
I laugh under my breath. The sound comes out uneven, a mix of nerves and joy. “You’re right. I’m running toward her, not away.”
Jake lets out a thoughtful hum, then asks, “You love her?”
“Yeah, I do.” I don’t hesitate, because loving her isn’t something I question anymore. Instead, it’s the clearest truth I’ve ever spoken. “So fucking much.”
“Took you long enough, Teddy Bear.”
“I was scared,” I confess, tapping the armrest to the beat of the background music. “Without many good examples of love in my life growing up, I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. It took me a while to understand that what I had with Ivy was the real thing.”
“Of course you were scared. Because loving someone for real is the riskiest play there is. You know…I found someone. Someone really special.”
“No fucking way—that is huge!” I jerk my head toward him, surprised but grinning wide. “Tell me more.”
“His name is Robin. A sculptor who teaches ceramics and printmaking at the community college,” my uncle shares, an admiration evident in his tone.
“You’re dating an art professor?” I ask with a snort.
“Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I mean, you’ve worn the same flannel every holiday for the past sixteen or so years, if you don’t count the awful sweater this Christmas,” I point out. “I bet his wardrobe is way more sophisticated than yours.”
Jake chuckles at my assessment. “Guilty.”
“So how’d you meet him?”
“We attended an event at the community center in late January. He volunteers with the shelter dogs and I was there to take photos. He has an old mutt named Napoleon with one eye and stomach issues. First it was about dogs. Then we had coffee. Then he invited me to dinner. The usual.”
I nod slowly, the grin fading into a softer expression. “You like like him.”
“I do,” he says simply and I feel the weight in those two words.
“I didn’t think I would fall in love again.
After Arthur died, I figured that part of my life was over.
However, Robin doesn’t try to fill the space in my heart.
He’s not a replacement. He’s himself, this gentle and steady presence in my life.
I didn’t even realize how much I missed being with someone romantically until it happened again. ”
“I’m glad, Jake,” I manage, wiping a tear from my cheek. The world has finally given my uncle a piece of happiness he’s always deserved. “So damn glad.”
“Me too.” Jake taps my arm lightly as the truck stops. “Now, let’s get your love.”