Chapter 70
Chapter Seventy
Cordelia
It’s Saturday, and I’d usually be at the garage since weekends are the busiest, but I have a massive headache from last night.
Not only did I not sleep a wink, but I also bawled my eyes out of their sockets. I’m surprised my tears didn’t flood the room.
I became conscious just long enough to send an “I’m sorry, I’m sick today” text to my bosses and then conked out.
A few hours later, I wake to sunshine and a ton of snot-filled crumpled tissues piled all around me. My sister’s baby shower speech did me in.
First, I cried for all the years I wasted misunderstanding Gwen’s heart.
Then I cried all over again from the fact that I lost her too young.
And then there was a fresh amount of tears for the life that ended with her.
It’s a new day, and I’m drained, dehydrated, and have a throbbing headache, but I feel empty in the best way. Like I’ve turned a new page in my life, and I get to write the rest of my story without the shadows haunting me.
The first thing I reach for is my phone. Groggily, I scroll through my notifications and notice two missed calls from Renthrow. Shooting upright in bed, I stare at my phone screen.
He called?
Renthrow finally called, and I wasn’t even awake to answer.
“Oh no.” I moan. Navigating to my texts, I see two new messages.
One is from Mom, probably to schedule our seafood date.
The other is from Renthrow.
Renthrow: Do you have time today?
I scramble to my knees and call him back. As the line rings, I clear my throat and do a few vocal exercises to make my voice as bright as possible.
The line connects.
“Hey,” Renthrow says.
My veins, my bones, my very marrow sigh in relief at the sound of his voice. It’s like I’d been on pins and needles for so long that I’d gotten used to the tension. But with one word, I unravel.
“Hey.” My voice sounds breathless.
“Are you okay?”
If he’d asked me that yesterday, I probably would have said no. But after seeing Gwen’s video, making up with my mother, and getting that random but necessary apology from Ray, a lot’s happened in the past twenty-four hours. It feels like a brand new world.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” I scoot out of bed, and the crumpled tissues fall to the floor like tree leaves in autumn. “Where are you? At the stadium?”
“Actually…I’m at your front door.”
“What!” I yell. My gaze lands on the mirror on the dresser, and I cringe. My hair is sticking out at every angle, my eyes are dark and red-rimmed from last night, and my entire face is puffy.
“Give me five minutes. No, ten minutes!” I crash around my room. “Actually, make that fifteen minutes!”
I hang up on Renthrow before he can give his agreement and head to the bathroom for the fastest shower of my life. Then I rip several strands of my hair out by rushing with my hair routine before speeding through a makeup routine that involves a hefty dose of under-eye concealer.
By the time I’ve made myself presentable, fifteen minutes have passed, and I panic. Throwing my apartment door open, I half-expect to find empty space and Renthrow long gone. But he’s there, back-straight, eyes soft, staring at me like I’m the first streak of light after a long, restless night.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hey,” he answers in that deep voice. “Can I come in?”
My heart hammers like a broken connecting rod in a client’s car. I step back so he can pass. Renthrow walks in and takes a seat in the sofa and instantly makes it look like a child’s toy. His big body and calm presence fill the room.
I want to stare and stare at him.
But, with a serious face, he pats the couch beside him, indicating that I should sit.
My legs shake as I walk over to the couch and take a seat a healthy distance away. If I sit too close to him, I’ll want to throw my arms around him and spill my guts out. Before I do, I need to hear what he came to say.
“How have you been?” he asks gently.
I shake my head and squeeze out the word ‘fine’. But the truth is that I haven’t been fine. Without him and Gordie around, I’ve been the opposite of fine. It’s driven me absolutely crazy to be away from him, to know that I drove him away.
A beat of silence passes as we both look at each other, drinking each other in.
I turn away shakily. “Actually, Renthrow, I—”
“The thing is Cordelia—”
Our words overlap.
Renthrow smiles at me. “You first.”
“No, you,” I insist, shaking my head.
He nods and in a somber tone admits, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
I hold my breath.
“After I left the garage that day, I wasn’t sure what to think…”
A lump forms in my throat and I hold myself perfectly still.
“… When you said you didn’t want to be a mother, it felt like I’d wound up right back in the same place. Except this time, I had more experience and a daughter to protect. I kept wondering if something was wrong with me, maybe I was just delusional.”
The lump in my throat gets bigger.
“But the more I thought about you and how you treat Gordie, the more your actions weren’t matching your words. So,” he exhales so hard that the tiny, living room window rattles, “I did some digging.”
“Into what?” I ask, my eyes searching his.
“Into Gwen.” He pauses. “And Ray.”
I gasp. “You… know about Ray?”
“I… met Ray,” he says carefully. At my surprised expression, Renthrow adds, “He was in town.”
“What?” I shriek. “He was here?” My mind darts back to the text Ray sent me and the pieces click into place. It all makes sense. In an astonished voice, I mutter, “It was you. You’re the reason Ray apologized to me. What did you do to him?”
The Ray I know would never stop his vendetta so easily.
Renthrow glances away. “Let’s just say, he’ll never bother you again.”
“I can’t believe this,” I whisper, stunned.
“I know it wasn’t my place to intervene. But I couldn’t stand it when I learned how terrible he was to you. And to Gwen.”
“Wait. How did he treat Gwen?”
Renthrow falls silent.
Lacing my voice with steel, I ask again, “How?”
“He cheated on her.”
“What?”
“Your mom found out after your sister passed.”
“You’re... are you kidding me?” I shoot to my feet.
Rage pumps through my veins, pounding a war cry against the man who swore his commitment to my sister.
“How could he?” I pace the tiny living room.
There’s not much space to go back and forth so I just manage small circles.
“That grimy piece of work! I should tear him and his car to pieces.”
“Cordelia…” Renthrow rises, hands extended to me in a placating gesture.
“Is he still in town?” I start stomping to the door.
“He’s long gone. I called the Sherrif’s office to confirm it just in case.”
“After all the things he said to me, all the ways he blamed me—he…” I shake my head, remembering Ray’s harassment. “He’s the one who hurt her the most and he put it all on me instead.”
My feet root into the floor as a new emotion takes over.
I can’t believe I let a cheating scumbag like Ray dictate my life for so long.
I left my job, left my home, didn’t attend my sister’s funeral, to placate him.
I pushed April, May and Rebel away to punish myself for the wrongs he said I committed.
I refused to believe I was good enough to be a mother to Gordie or to any other child because he said I was a curse to my sister.
Gwen called me the adventurer, the brave one, but I became a shell of myself. I became someone unrecognizable.
All for a man who didn’t value my sister at all.
I feel Renthrow’s fingers gently wrap around mine and he leads me back to the couch. At his touch, the anger, regret and pain fade. They don’t disappear completely—it’ll probably take a long time before they do—but it’s like the noise drops from a decibel of ten to a decibel of three.
My eyes meet Renthrow’s and he gives my hand a little squeeze. In that moment, I’m hit with an extraordinary dose of peace. My ragged breaths turn smoother. The ache in my chest fades.
Renthrow is here.
And he’s holding me.
That’s enough to convince me that, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it’s all going to be okay.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.
“I,” I take a deep breath and pick apart my thoughts, “I’m angry that Ray betrayed Gwen.
I’m angry she gave so much of her life to someone so despicable.
I’m furious that he followed me around acting like the devoted husband exacting revenge on Gwen’s behalf.
He told me all these lies about Gwen and how she felt about me before she died. And that wasn’t the case at all.”
My voice shakes, but Renthrow’s steadying touch gives me strength.
“I’m also thinking that I wasn’t completely innocent either. I was selfish and immature with Gwen. But I’m so relieved to know that my last words to my sister didn't change how she viewed me. I never got to tell her, but she really was my best friend.”
“It’s okay. You can cry,” he says gently, sensing how emotional I am.
There are no more tears left. I’m tired of crying and I don’t think Gwen would want me to continue shedding tears.
I swallow hard and admit, “Do you want to know what I’m most upset about?”
He leans forward as if to say ‘go on’.
“I’m angry that I let Ray control me. I let someone else tell me how I should think and feel about myself.” I place my other hand over Renthrow’s. “I lost sight of who I really was. And it took coming to Lucky Falls and meeting you to point me back in the right direction.”
He pushes my hair behind my ear, his eyes shining with pride. “You would have found your way back eventually, sweetheart.”
“Even so, I took too long.”
“You were right on time,” he encourages, leaning in to kiss my forehead.