Chapter 37 Jordan
jordan
It’s finally here. The moment my life ends. My stomach twists. Kennedy Kramer knows I’ve been sending her gifts. She’s staring at me with a hammer, still held over her head, ready to strike. Except now her eyes are dead on me.
“You? You sent this to me?” she says, slowly lowering the hammer to hold in front of her chest.
“Not the bear! Just Neil.” He glances around the room. “And the espresso maker. And the guitar. And some roses. And a few other things here and there…”
She tilts her head, tapping the weapon into the palm of her hand. “All of this was you? Even the poems?”
I drop my eyes to the floor, unable to hold her gaze to say one simple word. “Yes.”
“Jordan,” she says, her voice eerily calm. I can’t look up. I can’t face her disappointment. I just got her…I’m not ready to lose her. Her heels tap the floor, then another. “Look at me.”
I force my eyes up to see her still holding the hammer in her hands. Is she going to crack my skull open? Is this it? Fuck. At least I’ll go at the hands of the most beautiful woman to ever exist.
“Every one of these gifts came with a poem. The same poem. ‘I see you in my dreams, in every sunlit sky; I see you in the morning when you barely pass me by. Like waves drawn to the shores, you’ve pulled me in with force. I’ll long for you until’…
” her voice trails off as if she’s afraid to say the last line.
“I’ll long for you until the day when I am finally yours,” I finish it for her.
She drops her arm holding the hammer down to her side, a slight wave of relief washing over me. Not completely, because she’s still holding the damn thing, not that I think she would hurt me, but I did just admit to being her secret admirer. And we’re both getting texts from a random stalker guy.
I really fucked up.
She takes a deep breath, holding it in as if it will make this whole situation disappear. If only.
“Jordan…” she says, her voice still steady and composed. “I’m going to need you to explain.”
I let out the breath I have been holding.
She’s going to let me explain. She’s not immediately kicking me out.
My heart does a dance of relief, but quickly pauses.
Is this just the calm before the storm? Fuck.
My guts churn; we are already in the eye of the hurricane.
The only way through this is to let the rest of the storm pass.
“I promise I’ll explain and I’ll tell you anything and everything.
But…could you just do me one quick favor? ”
Her eyes narrow. “What in the world do you need me to do?”
“Maybe could you just like…put the hammer down? I’m still creeped out by demonic Paddington, and you holding a hammer while I’m confessing my sins isn’t helping.”
She shakes her head, huffing out a defeated laugh as she sets it down on the coffee table before flopping down on the couch. I sit down as well, but all the way on the other end. That hammer is still a little too close for comfort.
I swallow the lump in my throat, preparing to say what I have wanted, but also not wanted, to admit for so long. “When I started sending you gifts, I honestly had no plan of how I was going to tell you it was me. But never in a million years did I imagine it going like this.”
Her nose curls as she catches a glimpse of Neil. “Why were you sending me all this stuff?”
“Because…” I run my hand through my hair, hoping there is something magical in the product I used that will give me the strength to spit this out.
“Because I like you. The first time I saw you, you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
The way your eyes sparkled all the way down the aisle.
Your sexy as hell uniform.” A groan slips out before I can stop it.
“Goddammit, Kennedy, you wear the hell out of that scarf.” Her scowl cracks as the corners of her lips tip up.
If a half-smile through her anger is all I’m getting… I’ll take it.
“Every trip, I watched you smile and say goodbye to everyone as they stepped off the plane. You seemed so kind, goodhearted, and like you really cared about getting us all from place to place and being a part of the team. But…” my voice trails off, wondering if I should even continue.
But I owe her the truth. It’s the least I can do now.
“You treated everyone like that…except for me.”
A flicker of surprise crosses her face, her gaze dropping to the floor. “Jordan…I—”
“Kennedy, it’s…this is all on me. Let me get this all out before we get into anything else.
Please?” She nods, her eyes focused on the couch cushion.
“All I wanted was to talk to you. To get to know you. But every time I walked by, you seemed put off. I thought, maybe, if I sent you some gifts, you’d realize I liked you and, maybe, I’d get the courage to…
I don’t know…ask you out sometime.” I rub the back of my neck.
“I was so scared you’d say no. And, somewhere deep inside, I decided silence would hurt less than rejection.
Call me crazy, but there’s just something about you.
I felt it the minute I saw you, like some sort of magnet was pulling me toward my other half.
I don’t have much experience with relationships, but I know my heart.
It lost its will to find love a while back.
It hasn’t wanted to beat for anyone. Ever. Until you.”
Her lips tighten, her cheeks flush. Is she embarrassed I’m telling her this? Is she going to turn me down? Focus, Jordan. You have to get this off your chest.
“I was…I was hurt before by someone I dated. Hurt is actually an understatement. I trusted someone who only wanted me for my money. But the fact that you wanted nothing to do with me? I felt like you didn’t give a shit about my money.”
“You picked up on that, huh?”
I nod. “All my life, I’ve been around women.
My sisters, my cousins, all my friends. I’m comfortable around women I’m friends with.
I know how to do that. But…” I pause, twisting my hands around the fringe on a nearby throw pillow, needing a moment to pull my thoughts together.
“The real me, the one behind the public persona, is…not great around women I want to be more than friends with. As you can clearly tell by the predicament we’re in. ”
She offers me a weak smile, giving me a moment to recenter.
“Then I started getting the texts telling me to stay away from you. I am so secretive about so much of my life, I don’t know how anyone could have figured that out.
I never thought it had anything to do with you, just some crazed fan or something.
As the texts got more frequent, I started to worry maybe you were being watched too.
” Her face goes pale as she stiffens in her seat.
“And then I was going to tell you, but after the whole incident with Chadd and you suggesting we fake date, I thought it was a great way to get to know you better and actually be around to keep you safe.” I gasp for breath.
“Wow, this sounds bad. I sound ridiculous.”
She sits on the couch, staring at the TV despite the screen being black as night. Probably because my life is basically a train wreck of a reality show, and she’s trying to figure out how the hell she ended up with a starring role.
God, I fucked this up so bad. Another knot forms in my stomach, this one twisting my insides like a towel being rung out in the sink. She’s not saying anything. She’s not looking at me. She’s essentially in a catatonic state. And I put her in it. Fuck.
“I’m so sorry, Kennedy. I never meant for this to get so out of hand. I didn’t mean to keep all this from you. I’ll just…I’ll go,” I say as I stand up and walk toward the door. The doorknob is cold in my palm as the heaviness in the air presses down on me.
“What are you sorry for?”
I freeze, glancing over my shoulder. She’s still staring straight ahead, not moving a muscle. If she’d spoken any quieter, I would’ve thought I imagined it. Her words hit me in the chest like a slapshot I didn’t see coming, my heart pounding so loudly I hear it in my ears.
“What?” I turn around, my head refusing to believe what my heart is hoping for.
She stands and walks toward me. Every step is a choice. Every inch closer, making my heart explode in my chest. What is she doing?
“I said…what are you sorry for? Are you sorry for being attracted to me?”
I swallow hard. “I…umm…yes? Or…no? I…I don’t know what you want me to say.” I point behind me. “Do you want me to leave?”
She takes another step. “If I want you to leave, I’ll ask you to leave.
What I truly want is for you to give me some answers.
I knew there was something more to you, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
So, I’m going to ask you some very simple questions, and you’re going to answer me,” she says with a firmness that makes my knees weak as she takes yet another step. “Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whisper, my voice cracking in fear and excitement.
“Did you send me all these gifts to try and impress me?”
“Yes.”
“Did you do something to help Beverly with that restaurant?”
“Yes. I…” God, she’s going to hate me for this. “Her husband passed away and left her in a lot of debt with the diner, so…I paid it off.” I wince, convinced she’s going to kick me out. But she doesn’t. She looks almost…grateful as she continues her line of interrogation.
“Were you the one bringing me a coffee that suddenly switched to almond milk recently?”
“Shit,” I say, realizing she has me figured out. “Yes.”
Her eyes ice over. “Did you have anything to do with that first photo to try to trick me into fake dating you?”
“No! Kennedy, I swear to all things hockey, I would never do that.”
“Good.” She smirks, taking another step and stopping inches from my face, her intoxicating vanilla smell surrounding me. I suck in a sharp breath. Her scent fills this entire apartment, but now that she’s standing so close, my chest tightens, and everything fades away.
“Are you attracted to me?”
I look at the floor, but she grabs my chin, tipping it toward her gaze. “Eyes on me, pretty-boy. Answer my question.” She leans in closer as I stare deep into her gaze. “Are. You. Attracted. To. Me?”
“Yes.” The word barely escapes as a whisper.
“Did you enjoy our kiss?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to kiss you again?”
I don’t know if my answer will be right or wrong, but there’s no hesitation in my response. “Yes.”
And just like that night we got ourselves into this mess, she shoves me against the wall, pinning me in place with nothing more than her palm.
Only this time, the fire in her eyes has morphed from one that wants to destroy me to one that wants to consume me.
My pants feel tight as hell as she utters one final word, ‘Good,’ before she slams her lips to mine.
My hands instinctively wrap around her waist, pulling her tight.
Feeling her body against mine is everything I’ve ever wanted.
She opens her mouth, and our tongues collide, feverish and passionate and so much more explosive than Dallas.
I have never been more turned on in my life.
If she leans into me any more, she’ll feel just how into her I am.
She runs her hands through my hair, her nails scraping my scalp.
It’s hypnotic. Kennedy Kramer has me in a trance I don’t ever want to end.
She’s kissing me. Here. Alone. No cameras, no media.
Just us. She runs her hands down my back, dragging her nails around to my abdomen, my hips jerking at the fire she leaves behind.
She reaches for my belt, pulling my tight-ass pants toward her.
Goddammit, I want this. Want her. But fear of the past rears its ugly head.
I gently grab her wrist, stopping her from going any further.
“Kennedy. I…it’s…it’s been a while.”
She steps back. “Does it look like I care?”
I huff out a laugh. “No. But…my life is really…complicated.”
“I think we’ve already passed complicated. Is there more you’re keeping from me, pretty-boy?”
I flinch. “Kinda, yeah.”
She breaks the connection, her curious eyes not leaving mine. “Then stay here tonight and let’s get it all out in the open.”
“What? You wa…want me to stay? Here?”
She turns to walk into the kitchen as a soft laugh escapes.
“To be honest, part of me really wants to be pissed at you for not letting me in on all this sooner. My brain is telling me to kick you out and find a way to call off this whole fake dating thing right now. But another part is telling me to hear you out. Besides, after a creepy stuffed bear, the photos, and everything else, I really don’t want to be here by myself.
” She grabs a glass and some ice from the freezer.
“And…I’m honestly interested in getting to know the real Jordan Boucher.
Not the one in the press. Not the hockey player.
I want to get to know the guy who helped my best friend start her own business.
The one who has Beverly at the diner wrapped around his finger.
The one who made me laugh uncontrollably tonight.
Because, despite my better judgment, I’m attracted to him too. ”