Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
cole
Hi! You’ve reached Maya’s voicemail. I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, number, and a short message, I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done reading my book. Thanks! Bye.
I didn’t expect Maya to answer what feels like my hundredth call anyway, but a guy can dream.
I can recite every word of her voicemail greeting backward at this point.
I get it. I fucked up. Rather than trusting her with news about the trade—trusting in us, believing that we could figure it out—I kept her in the dark.
Every time it was on the tip of my tongue, something would happen that would make me want to keep things as they were for a moment longer.
Because I’m not just leaving her, but a city I’ve grown to love, a team that was there for me and kept me going when my brother passed, and a new role as their captain.
Goose cuts into the silence, barking sharply. Though he doesn’t leave his spot by the window, he looks over his shoulder to ensure I’ve heard him. I’m sure the whole neighborhood has. My dog’s got a set of pipes on him. He throws his head back and yowls again, then finally runs to the front door.
“Goose.” With a sigh, I heave myself off the couch. “C’mon, buddy. It’s just a squirrel.”
It’s a miracle I hear the doorbell over his howling. Hunched forward, I check the peephole, and when I see my baby sister standing there with a suitcase, I stumble back a step.
“Darby?” I mutter as I yank the door open. “What the fuck?”
Goose runs in tight circles around her until she squats to pet him. “A simple hello would’ve sufficed, but a ‘what the fuck?’ works, too, I suppose.”
“Hello,” I chuckle, looping my arms around her. “Did you just get in? What are you doing here?”
“Seriously?” She drags her suitcase over the threshold, smacking my hand away when I attempt to help. “I texted you a reminder two days ago.”
I rack my brain for a minute before I recall the memory. Darby. Annual Northeast Dental Conference. Staying with me for a night. “Shit. It’s been a week from hell, and it completely slipped my mind. I’m sorry. The guest room’s clean, though, so you’re good to sleep in there.”
She gives me an exasperated laugh. “Isn’t it the middle child who’s usually forgotten about, not the youngest? Such bullshit.”
I tug Goose to my side so he stops head-butting Darby’s thighs. “Want me to order dinner?”
“Nah.” She shakes her head. “But I would like a glass of that 2006 zinfandel you keep for special occasions after I shower.”
With that, she’s gone. I’m not sure whether it’s a younger sister thing or just a Darby trait, but she doesn’t take no for an answer.
I swear she could talk her way onto an international flight without a passport if she put her mind to it.
I have no doubt she’ll convince me to have a glass with her, even though I have to be at practice early tomorrow, so I cut straight to the punchline, take out a bottle of wine, and pour two glasses.
While I wait for her to return, I join Goose on the couch, sinking into the soft, leathery seat.
This wine cost more than I’d ever admit, but rather than savor the taste, I take a large mouthful like it’s Gatorade.
With nothing better to do since Maya won’t speak to me, and because I’ve ignored them for the past two days, I scroll through the messages the guys sent in our group chat after Maya showed up at practice.
Cameron and Jake’s texts are sympathetic, but Logan’s contain emojis that get increasingly more aggressive.
The last one he sent includes an eggplant, a knife, and an upside-down smiley face.
Darby, now wearing pajamas and a relaxed smile, grabs the other glass of wine from the coffee table and joins me on the couch. “Mmm. Thank you.”
“That was the quickest shower in history. Did you even use soap?”
She gives me a dirty look over the rim of her drink. “When you grow up with three older siblings who monopolize the bathroom, you get into the habit of showering quickly.”
A small smile ghosts over my lips. “Funny.”
“You’ve made some changes to the place,” she comments, cozying up next to Goose. “It looks nice.”
I survey the space. My bookcase now boasts a few current titles in addition to the aesthetically pleasing books I’ve never read. A Polaroid photo of Goose lying on Maya’s lap hangs on the fridge, and an extra e-reader charger is draped along the counter next to the blender. “Yeah, I guess so.”
She takes a sip of wine and studies me, wearing an all-knowing expression that’s frighteningly similar to our mom’s. “What’s going on?”
I’m tempted to pretend nothing’s going on, but I don’t have the energy. “The Bobcats are trading me to the Devils.”
Darby’s dark brows hit her hairline and she heaves herself forward. “Oh shit. Wait, why? You’re their best player.”
“They didn’t initially want to, but the Devils approached them, and if they accept, it’d clear up cap space for some new prospects.”
“It’s not a done deal?”
I shake my head and pick at an imaginary piece of lint on my sweats. “The plan was a three-way trade, but it didn’t pan out. Mark says the Devils are close to securing something else, but he doesn’t know the details.”
“Damn. I had dinner with Mom and Dad last week and they didn’t tell me any of this.”
I twirl the stem of the glass between my pointer finger and thumb. “Probably because I haven’t told them yet.”
She sucks in a breath. “Back that ass up. You haven’t told Mom and Dad that you’re moving home? You didn’t, I don’t know, think that was something they’d want to know?”
Head lowered, I rough a hand over my jaw. “Maya didn’t even know until two days ago.”
“How’d she take it?”
“Considering it wasn’t me she heard it from?” I lock eyes with my sister. “Not too well.”
Her mouth compresses into a tight line. “You didn’t tell your girlfriend you were traded? To a team across the country? That’s—well, fuck—that’s about the stupidest thing you could do. Or not do, I guess. Why are you keeping this so hush-hush?”
Avoiding her gaze, I focus on the framed photo of Maya and me on the end table.
She gave it to me on Valentine’s Day. It’s the one that the helicopter company insisted we take after our skyline tour.
In it, we’re both wearing ridiculously wide smiles.
“I guess because telling people makes it more real.”
“And that’s a bad thing because…” She trails off, head tilted like she’s trying to read my mood.
“It’s not. It’s just—fuck. I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what I want.”
It’s the first time I’ve admitted it aloud, and it feels like a weight’s been lifted off my chest. But alongside that comes the grief and guilt.
Goose rests his chin on my thigh as if he knows I need the comfort. Scratching behind his ear, I take a swig of wine. “Do you remember when Mom and Dad got Nate and me skates for our birthday?”
“Oh, I remember.” She rolls her eyes. “I stole Nathan’s and turned them into houses for my Barbies. He told me if I ever touched his skates again, he’d hide all my dolls.”
I can’t help but laugh. Nate was always territorial about his gear. At some point, he wouldn’t even let Mom wash his jerseys. “Sounds like him. I have those skates, you know, if you want them. Make a dollhouse for your own kids one day or something.”
A smile springs to her lips. “Thanks, Cole. That’d be nice.”
I nod, coughing to get rid of the knot in my throat. “Anyway, we made a pact that we’d make it pro and play for the Devils one day. And then, as we got older, we figured we had our whole careers to make it happen. But then he passed, and now there’s only me.”
Darby leans over and gives my arm a squeeze. “You’re not alone, Cole. You have us, and your teammates and friends, and—”
“I know, Darbs. What I mean is that it’s only me to see our dream through. And suddenly, I’m being given the opportunity, but rather than shout from the rooftops with joy, I’m confused.”
“Take Nathan out of the picture. Do you want to play for the Devils?” She rests her elbows on her thighs and leans forward. “I thought you realized this, but Nathan’s no longer around to hold you to your end of the deal.”
I sputter, causing wine to drip down my chin and onto my shirt. “Christ, Darby. Way to be callous.”
She sticks her wine-stained tongue out at me.
“My therapist says that using humor to deal with loss is healthy. And considering how much I pay her, I’ll take her word for it.
” She settles into the cushion again. “What I’m trying to say is that Nathan wouldn’t hold it against you if you made the best decision for you.
You may be twins, but you were still two completely different people.
There are plenty of ways to honor him that don’t involve playing for the team you worshipped as kids. ”
I stroke the top of Goose’s snout. “I’m not tattooing his name onto my ass.”
“I drunkenly suggested that once,” she huffs.
“And I mean that you can honor him by living your life the way you want to. Play for the Bobcats, or the Penguins, or the Stormhawks, or whoever. But play for them because you want to. Not because once upon a time, you and Nathan wanted to. People grow up, Cole. They’re allowed to grow out of dreams, too. ”
My hand falls still on Goose’s head as her words hit me. They hit me harder and faster than any opponent on the ice ever has. And I’ve broken quite a lot of bones. “When’d you get so smart, kid?”
“I’m telling you, man. My therapist knows her shit. If you do end up moving to San Diego, I’m more than happy to send you her number, but I don’t think you’ll move.”
“Why not?”
“Because San Diego hasn’t felt like home to you for a long time.” She eases the truth of her words with a lopsided smile. “Which I’m okay with, because if you move back, you’ll cockblock me until I die alone with all my cats.”
I only planned to have a small glass of wine, but on second thought, maybe I need one more.