32. Kellerman
Junior Year
The sun streams through the window, casting soft, hazy beams of light across the room.
My lips automatically curl into a smile at the feel of Stephen’s against mine, his soft, sated breaths tickling my neck.
He’s so beautiful when he shuts the hell up every once in a while.
I’ve never felt so good with anyone like this, let alone two people. It’s like a dream that I fear I’m going to wake up from at any moment, like this is all too good to be true. I’m not used to love like this. I’ve been trying hard to open my heart and accept it, but it’s been an uphill battle against myself. Luckily, Presley and Stephen have been patient with me.
I reach out for our girl, but my palm is met with cool sheets beside me. I lift my head, glancing around the room. Stephen’s clothes are strewn about with mine where we left them last night. But Presley’s clothes aren’t tangled with ours.
What day is today? I dig the heel of my hand into my eye, forcing myself to wake up and remember if Presley had an early class this morning.
Stephen stirs beside me, groaning. “Go back to sleep. I can literally hear you thinking.”
“Did Presley say she was going somewhere this morning?”
His head pops up as he squints his eyes. “Nope. Where is she?”
I reach for my phone on my nightstand.
No new texts or missed calls.
Unease seeps into my gut. She’s never slipped out in the middle of the night like this.
“She probably just went out to get coffee or bring back breakfast.” Stephen’s head flops back down on the pillow. “Call her and tell her I want a shot of espresso in mine.”
I click on her name and press my phone to my ear. “It went straight to voicemail.”
“Maybe her phone is dead.”
I swing my legs out of bed, and tear apart the room looking for any small trace of her.
I dial her number again, and again, it doesn’t ring.
Something’s wrong.
Stephen moves to sit up against the headboard. “Why are you freaking out? I’m sure she’ll be back soon. She probably didn’t want to wake us.”
“But where did she have to go this early? And why didn’t she leave a note? And why isn’t her phone ringing?”
He stands from the bed and takes my shoulders in his hands. “Hey, look at me. Breathe. We fell asleep together, and there’s no sign of anyone breaking in here and kidnapping her. She left on her own free will, and she’s going to have a good explanation as to why she left. Come back to bed, and let’s give her some time to do whatever she’s doing.”
I shake my head. “I’m going to take a walk to her dorm. Maybe she’s there grabbing some things.”
Stephen sighs, and face-plants on the mattress. “Have fun.”
“Call me if she shows up.”
“Got it.”
I throw on my sweats and stuff my feet into my sneakers. “I mean it. Call me immediately.”
He lifts his thumb in the air without looking up.
How is he not worried?
This is it.
This is the rug being pulled out from underneath me.
Nothing this good ever lasts.
“Presley, I need you to call me back as soon as you get this message. Do you understand? Call. Me. Fucking. Back.” I toss my phone onto the bed with a growl. “What the fuck?”
Stephen tugs at his curls, pacing our dorm. “I don’t understand. Why would she drop her classes and not tell us?”
My chest heaves, and I’m still reeling over the news. “I don’t fucking know. Everything was fine last night.”
Wasn’t it?
The three of us ate pizza, and then we came back to the room to watch a movie—most of which we didn’t end up watching because we were ripping each other’s clothes off. It was a normal night for us. I’ve gone over it, again and again, overanalyzing each and every second, every look, every touch, every word she said.
“Did she seem weird to you at all?” I ask. “At dinner, or after?”
“Not one bit.” Stephen’s wide blue eyes meet mine. “I mean, I didn’t think so.”
“So, why on fucking earth would she wake up, decide to drop out of college, and vanish into thin air? Something doesn’t add up.”
“Are you saying she planned this?”
I hold out my arms wide. “You don’t just drop out on a whim, and leave the two people you supposedly love. That’s probably why she’s not answering, because she knows she fucked up and she doesn’t have the balls to face us.”
Stephen’s head jerks back. “That’s not her. She wouldn’t do that. And what would she have to gain from it?”
“We’ve only known her for a year. Who’s to say that was even really her?”
He shakes his head, adamant that I’m wrong. “No way. Something’s wrong. She wouldn’t leave like this unless something big happened.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re so na?ve. You think everything is all rainbows and puppies all the damn time.” I pause. “Come to think of it, you’re probably the reason she left. You pushed too much, too soon. You told her you loved her, and she got spooked.”
Stephen coughs out an incredulous laugh. “Are you kidding me? You’re saying this is my fault? Maybe it was you. You’re the grumpy asshole with the negative mindset. You said you loved her too, if I recall correctly, and look at you now—not even one day and you’re already throwing her under the bus and not giving her the benefit of the doubt.”
“Because what kind of person just fucking leaves and doesn’t tell people where she’s going? It’s fucking bullshit. If she really loved us, she wouldn’t be ghosting us right now. Wake the fuck up.”
Stephen steps toward me and jabs his finger in my chest. “You keep us in the shadows like we’re some dirty little secret. You can’t even kiss me in public. You don’t want anyone to know about us, and it puts a strain on our relationship. Presley wanted to be seen, Chance. She’s carefree and fun. But you sucked all the fun out of it.”
Bitter anger flares in my chest, and my eyes narrow as I grit my teeth. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“You wanna point the finger at me, I’ll point it right back. Take accountability for your shit and get your head out of your ass.”
I glance at the clock, and shove past him. “Fuck this.”
“You’re seriously going to play tonight? Presley’s missing, and you’re just going to act like it’s any other night?”
I whip around and get in his face. “The scout is coming. I can’t not be there. Presley doesn’t give a shit about us.”
“So, that’s it then?” He lets out a humorless laugh. “You’re just giving up on her?”
“I’m going to pick up the pieces and move on with my fucking life. She sure as shit just did.”
“And what about me, about us?”
I should cool down before we have this conversation. I need to get out of here, and blow off some steam. Come back to this with a clear head.
But what’s the point? Presley was the reason we got together in the first place. Stephen said it himself—I suck the joy out of everything. I’ll only bring him down. He deserves better. He deserves more. He deserves someone who will love him in public, and bask in the sun.
That’s not me.
So, instead of fighting for him, I put the final nail in the coffin.
“There is no us, and there never will be.” I hold up my wrist and unclasp the bracelet he bought me, dropping it onto the mattress. “This was fun while it lasted, but it’s over now.”
Stephen says nothing in response. His eyes well with tears as he watches me move around the room, grabbing my clothes and stuffing them into my bag. I can’t bring myself to look at him. If I do, I’ll break. I just need to get out of here and get on the ice.
The silence is thick, filled with the emptiness of Presley’s absence. And in that silence, the bitter truth settles deep in my bones.
She’s gone.