39. McKinley
My feet falter when I get to Alexander’s room.
Aarya said he hasn’t been able to speak yet, but he recognized her, so that’s good news.
I have to lighten the mood. Make him laugh. It’s been so heavy this last week without him, and it can’t be easy waking up to find out all that’s gone on in his absence. Knowing him, he’s sick to his stomach about Giuliana going through this.
I take a moment to breathe in deep, and then I head into the room.
Aarya clutches his hand, and Giuliana sits on his lap, talking a mile a minute. She smiles wide when she spots me. “Uncle Mac, look! Daddy’s awake!”
My eyes meet his, and my heart seizes in my chest. “It’s about fucking time, man. If you needed some time to rest, you could’ve just taken a vacation like a normal person.”
A slow smile spreads across his face, and he lifts his free hand to flip me off behind Giuliana’s back.
Tears burn my eyes and blur my vision.
He’s back.
He’s okay.
Aarya rises from the bed and takes Giuliana with her. “Come on, kid. Let’s go get an Irish hot chocolate for your Uncle Mac. I think he could use one.”
“What does Irish mean?”
Alexander arches a brow at his wife, and she shoots him a wink. “I’ll explain it on the way.”
She kicks her feet as she beams. “Bye, Daddy. See you soon.”
He presses his hand to his mouth, and blows her a kiss. She catches it, and her sweet laughter floats into the hallway.
Hot tears spill out of my eyes as soon as she’s out the door. “Thank fuck. I was not going to be able to hold it together much longer.”
Alexander opens his arms as wide as the wires will allow him, and I take long strides toward the bed so I can hug him.
“I’m so happy you’re okay,” I whisper, holding him tightly. “I never want to go through anything like that ever again.”
His body shakes as he hugs me with as much force as he can muster. “Thank you,” he whispers.
Aarya said the nurse told her that his throat will be sore for a little while from the feeding tube, and not talking all week.
I pull back and wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands. “Damn, I’m fucking glad you remember who I am. It would’ve been exhausting to force you to be my friend all over again.”
His shoulders shake with silent laughter as he shakes his head. He sputters, so I hand him the cup of water sitting on the tray beside his bed.
“Aarya is a trooper. She was here every day, and kept Giuliana in good spirits.” I squeeze his hand. “I hope you know how much that woman loves you.”
His eyes water again and he nods. “I know.”
I slide over a chair, and kick back my feet onto the bed. “Want me to catch you up on anything you’ve missed, or do you just want to enjoy the quiet for a little longer?”
His head tilts, and he pushes out the words, “How’s Chance?”
My jaw clenches. “Don’t worry about that right now, man. You’re awake and you’re just getting your bearings.”
He holds up his palm, as if to stop me. “This wasn’t his fault.”
I shake my head. “You might not remember too clearly, but I saw?—”
“I heard him.”
My chin jerks back. “What do you mean?”
“Right before I got hit...” He coughs, and lifts the cup to his lips for another sip. “He saw Ivanov right before I did, and he shouted for him to stop. I heard it.”
Regret and shock churn in my stomach, twisting my insides until I’m sick. “Are you sure?”
He nods once, keeping his brown eyes on mine.
I close my eyes. “Fuck.”
Shouldn’t I have known this though? Shouldn’t I have given Chance the time to explain himself? Instead, when everything fell apart, I pointed the finger at him and turned my back on him.
Alex purses his lips. “What did you do?”
I let out a long exhale, scrubbing my palm over my face. “Nothing you need to worry about right now. Save your voice, and rest up so you can get the hell out of here.”
For now, I’m going to enjoy the time with my best friend—time I wasn’t sure I’d ever get again.
Chance’s leg bounces as he stares down at his hands in his lap.
Presley sits between us on the couch. Luckily, Dominique was able to take the kids for the night so we can talk. I’m not sure how this talk is going to go, and I didn’t want the kids eavesdropping.
I’m not usually at a loss for words, but it’s been about two full, painful minutes, and neither of us has said a word to get this thing rolling.
“I guess I’ll start,” Presley says. “It’s good to hear that Alexander is awake and alert. No memory loss or anything like that.”
I nod. “He was in good spirits today when I saw him.”
Presley smiles. “I bet Giuliana was happy.”
“She was talking up a storm, filling him in on every little detail that he missed.” I chuckle, but then my smile fades. “He, uh, he mentioned that he remembered what happened in the game right before Ivanov hit him.”
Chance’s face is a statue. If it weren’t for his bouncing leg, I’d think he was frozen.
Presley reaches out and squeezes my hand.
This is painful.
“Alex said you tried to stop Ivanov,” I blurt out.
Still no reaction from Chance.
Presley’s wide eyes shift from me to him, blinking, waiting for him to say something.
“I’m sorry I blamed you.” I pause, swallowing down the ball of nerves lodged in my throat, hoping Chance will say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I’m speaking.
“Can you please look at me while I’m apologizing to you?”
Chance flicks his stormy eyes to mine.
“I’m sorry. I was so angry, and scared, but I shouldn’t have blamed you for what happened. I never should have said the awful things I said to you.”
Chance’s jaw flexes under his skin, and the seconds tick by without a word from him.
Presley keeps my hand in hers as she leans over and reaches for Chance with her right hand. “Is there anything you want to say, baby?”
Finally, he breaks his silence. “I understand you being angry and scared. I was feeling the same way. I understand you thinking what Ivanov did was reckless and dangerous. I agree. I understand you needing time to cool off after the game. I needed space as well.” Chance lifts Presley’s hand and presses a kiss to her knuckles before letting it go. “But what I will never understand is why you thought I’d try to hurt Alexander on purpose.”
My heart drops into my stomach. “I know. You’re absolutely right?—”
“No.” Chance’s voice booms. “You don’t know. You didn’t even hear me out, or let me explain. You shut me out, and instantly pointed the finger at me without a second thought. It’s like you don’t know me at all.” He rises from the couch and stabs his chest with his finger. “Do you know how much that fucking hurts?”
Yes, baby. There we go. Let it all out.
“I’m so sorry for hurting you.” I push off the couch to meet him in the middle of the room. “I didn’t mean what I said about your father. That was a disgustingly low blow, and I swear I didn’t mean it.”
He clenches his fists at his sides, his entire body rigid. “You can’t just take back the words after you hurl them at people, Stephen. The damage is already done.”
“I know that.” I step forward and grip his face in my hands. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I just need you to know how sorry I am. I know it doesn’t take away the pain I’ve caused, and I know it doesn’t wipe away what I said. But I’m going to work at earning your forgiveness and trust every single day if you give me the chance.”
Tears well in his eyes as he stands strong, unmoving. He’s not pulling away from me, so that counts for something.
“You hurt me.” His voice cracks as a tear spills down his cheek. “You tossed me aside like I didn’t matter.”
“Just like you did to me!” I stab my chest with my finger. “When Presley left us, you pushed me away and told me our love wasn’t enough.”
“Oh, so this is all because you want to get back at me? Come on, what else have you been holding onto for all these years? Let’s lay it all out on the table.”
Anger swirls in my chest. “I’ve been the only one holding on to the three of us for these last four years, so don’t try talking to me about who pushed who away.”
Chance shakes his head. “You know what scares me the most? If Alexander never would’ve woken up, you wouldn’t be standing here right now. You didn’t have faith in me to know that I would never do something like that.”
My heart splinters at his words. I could continue fighting with him, tell him that he didn’t have faith in us either at one point in time. But we’ve come so far since then. We’ve been given our second chance, and I could either be stubborn and keep wedging this distance between us, or I can let the past go and figure out how to move forward. Together.
“Please, let me make this up to you. I want to prove to you that nothing like this will ever happen again.”
“You didn’t have my back.” He shoves me back a step. “You didn’t trust me.”
I choke back a sob. “For years, we’ve been at each other’s throats! We talked with our fists, and we took out our aggression on the ice. I just thought?—”
“You thought I hurt your friend—and for what? What purpose would that serve?” Chance’s voice gets louder. “Do you even hear yourself?”
Presley stands up and moves toward us. “Look, the bottom line is, Stephen made a mistake. Everyone fucks up in life. Look at me; I hurt you both in a way I’m still trying to figure out how to make up for. But you both forgave me. You knew that our love was strong enough to overcome any obstacle.”
She’s not wrong. We’ve each hurt the other while trying to find our way.
“Presley fucked up when she left us. You fucked up when you walked away from me and gave up on helping me find her. Now it’s my turn to fuck up.” I press my palms against my chest. “I’m allowed to fuck up every once in a while too, you know. I can’t be held to this impossible standard where I never make a mistake. I’m not perfect, but I will always own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. And that has to count for something.”
Tears overflow, the dam I’ve been trying to hold together all week while Alexander was in a coma finally breaking. “I’m so fucking sorry, Chance. I hate that I hurt you. I hate that you had to go through any of this because of me. I wish I could go back and do it over again, but I can’t. All I can do is try to make it better moving forward. Please, baby, let me make it up to you.”
The three of us are standing in front of each other with tear-streaked faces, laying it all on the table. All of our imperfections; all of our mistakes; the good the bad and the ugly. We’ve been through a lot together, and we’ve been able to make it this far.
I believe our love can carry us through anything.
But it’s not me who needs convincing.
It’s the beautiful, broken man standing in front of me.
I lace my fingers through each of their hands. “Please, baby. Say you’ll forgive me. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
Chance rolls his lips between his teeth and glances down at Presley. “Did you hear that, rebel? He said he’s not perfect. Think we can get him to say it again so I can record it?”
An unexpected laugh bubbles out of her. “I don’t think we’ll get that lucky.”
My jaw goes slack. “Was that a joke? Are you...joking? Does that mean you forgive me? Because if you’re just being an asshole, then?—”
Chance steps into my space and grips my shirt in his fists, pulling me nose-to-nose with him. “Don’t you ever shut the fuck up?”
His lips crash into mine, and relief floods my senses. My shoulders relax, and my body melds against him as his arms wrap around my shoulders to hold me close while he kisses me.
My tongue surges inside his mouth, and he opens for me, just as eager as I am to take all of this pain away.
I reach for Presley, and she lifts onto her toes to join us, kissing each of us with such passion and reverence that I can feel it all the way down into the marrow of my bones. That’s where these two have etched themselves, into the fibers of my being that make up my soul.
With them, I’m whole. I’m complete.
Presley pulls away panting, and tugs us by the hands. “Let’s take this upstairs.”
But Chance and I glance at one another. “I was kind of hoping we could go get the kids,” Chance says.
I nod. “They’re probably worried sick about us right now, and I’ve missed them like crazy.”
Presley’s eyebrows shoot up. “Let me get this straight: You’re both turning down all of this,”—she gestures to her sexy as sin body—“for a couple of kids? Kids who lied to you, might I remind you.”
Chance’s head tilts back as he lets out a hearty laugh, and my chest warms at the sight of the smile on his handsome face. “You threw them right under the bus for some sex. That’s shameful, rebel.”
“So shameful.” I lift her up and toss her over my shoulder, giving her plump ass a firm smack. “Come on, baby. Let’s go get our kids.”