20. In which life would be hopelessly dull and an accusation is made #2
Hester slumped forwards onto the dressing table, tears spilling onto the wood.
23rd June 1915, Weddell Sea
The Intrepid crew had moved into the Valour, though Septimus had refused and was sleeping outside in a tent. It would serve him right if they found a hole surrounded by his clothes. Hester didn’t give a shit.
She leant against the wall and glowered around the Ritz. Charlotte was throwing a party to try and cheer everyone up, Rufus on the banjo and Mei on the accordion, rum flowing freely. They were all there. All apart from him.
Another song began, the crowd of men and women cheering and dancing. Hester watched from across the room as Fliss and Emlyn danced, pressed together. At one time, Fliss would have danced with her. Things had changed.
She took a mouthful of her drink, then spat it out.
Emlyn had dropped down onto one knee.
Hester covered her mouth, her eyes widening. Emlyn took Fliss’s hand, and she nodded in answer to a question, her smile spreading wide.
A scream went up from Peggy and Betty, who stood close enough to hear.
Hester froze, horrified, her mouth hanging slack. The music screeched to a halt as the musicians ran from the stage to the happy couple, and Hester’s vision blurred through her tears.
“Well, well,” Winston said, ambling over. “A happy day.”
Hester nodded, biting her lower lip, blinking away the tears. She should feel happy for her friend. She should feel so happy. And yet…
Fliss came running over, dragging Emlyn with her. “We are going to be married!”
“Congratulations!” Hester hung back, fixing a smile to her face. Could Fliss tell it was fake?
“Will you do it now?” Fliss asked, Emlyn nodding behind her.
Now. They wanted to be married right now. The bottom dropped out of Hester’s stomach, a rushing noise filling her ears. Fliss had barely spoken to her, and now wanted her to do this? “Now? I’ve never done it before. I’d need the Bible.”
Fliss beamed at Emlyn, then scurried off.
Hester dashed after her, grabbing her elbow. “Maybe wait till we’re back in Havenport.”
Fliss’s face fell, and Hester dropped her elbow.
Her insides writhed like tentacles. She was losing Fliss.
Losing her to a man. Fliss would fade away.
No more reading in the chart room, drinking in the taverns till sunrise.
And she’d move out of the Valour. Move in with him. Hester would be alone. All alone.
Fliss shook her head. “But—I don’t want to wait.”
“Alright,” Hester said, stepping back, her world crumbling around her as she realised waiting would only delay the inevitable. “Why wait? If you love him.”
“Why wait?” Fliss said before she hurried off.
Hester returned to Winston’s side, breathing deeply.
It was a happy day.
So happy.
Fliss returned with the book and stood arm in arm with Emlyn before her. The rest of the crew gathered round, and a few wolf-whistles were called.
“Dearly beloved,” Hester began, gripping the open Bible to stop her fingers trembling.
“I’m surprised that book doesn’t set on fire with you holding it, Captain,” Winston quipped.
Hester snorted, wishing it would set on fire. “We are gathered to witness the marriage of Felicity Wild to Emlyn Cooper.”
Hester paused, unsure how she could possibly proceed. God, she was sure her heart was being torn asunder, but she looked from the excitement on Fliss’s face, to the pride in Emlyn’s, and she shoved her sorrow down and continued, “Does anyone here know of any reason why they should not be married?”
Fliss looked around the gathered crowd, her eyes narrowed in threat. She smiled when no one spoke.
“Emlyn. Will you take Felicity to be your wedded wife, and love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, as long as you both live?” Hester nearly choked on the words. How fine it would be to be comforted, honoured, protected. She would never have that. She hardened her heart. She didn’t need it.
Emlyn grinned. “I will.”
“And Felicity. Do you take Emlyn to be your wedded husband, and love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, as long as you both live?” What was that stuck in her throat?
“I will,” Fliss said, gripping Emlyn’s arm tighter.
“Alright. Lay your hands here,” Hester said, taking a deep breath and holding the bible out in front.
She would not break down. Even while watching her oldest friend torn from her.
“In the presence of God, I pronounce you man and wife,” Hester said, her voice tinny in her ears.
She blinked back the tears that threatened. “You may kiss the bride.”
Emlyn grinned and tugged Fliss to him, bending her backwards and kissing her deeply. A cheer went up from both crews.
Hester took a small step backwards. She could have sworn her heart was in a vice. She snuck off as the happy couple were swept up by the rest of the crew, crashing down the corridor to her cabin. Hester shut the door behind her, leaning against it with her eyes closed and her chest heaving.
She knew it was awful to run away like that and not stay to celebrate, but she just needed a moment. Just a moment, and then she’d go back out.
“Hester? Are you alright?”
It was Charlotte. Hester hesitated, then opened the door and let her inside.
“I need a minute. I’m fine,” Hester said.
Charlotte eyed her suspiciously. “I don’t believe you.”
“Charlotte—I’m fine.” But her voice broke, rising to a squeak. Charlotte would never believe her now. But how could she explain without sounding petty and jealous?
Charlotte led her to the bed and they sat down. The ice groaned against the hull outside, and Hester shuddered. The Intrepid. Septimus. The Valour. Fliss. Everything was collapsing.
“It will be alright. What has happened between you and Fliss? Have you had an argument?” Charlotte asked.
But Hester couldn’t tell her the whole reason. She didn’t want anyone else to know about her magic. Fliss and Septimus were the only ones who knew, and both hated her now. “I’ve told you, there’s nothing wrong.”
Charlotte scoffed, though not unkindly. “Come now, you can tell me.”
A half-truth then, she could give her friend that. “I kept something from her, and she kept something from me. And now…now she is married and will have no time or interest in our friendship. She has abandoned me.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I’m sure things will be no different from before. You’ll see. How long have you known Fliss?”
Forever. “Twenty years.”
“You see? Nothing can erase that.”
Hester hung her head. Was she being ridiculous? “I suppose.”
Charlotte took Hester’s hands in hers. “I know I’m no replacement, but you have me.”
Hester leant into Charlotte’s side, tears falling.