27. Back To The Beginning
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Back To The Beginning
DYLAN
So this is what heartbreak felt like? As if I were dropped alive in a boiling pot of water?
Every part of me ached, inside and out. It was excruciating.
I was reminded again why I had kept myself with no-strings-attached hookups for so long.
I was scared of this exact fucking feeling.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t go out and celebrate after our win, I couldn’t sit on the couch with Nike and watch stupid shit, I couldn’t even go to bed early with how my brain was running overtime, thinking of all the what-ifs and could-have-beens.
I couldn’t take it. I had to burn this off. Had to go for a run.
I went out into the yard. A storm was moving in. I could smell the rain in the air.
Good. This was what I needed.
I opened myself up to the wolf inside me.
I closed my eyes and fell to the grass as my body painlessly shifted.
Moments later and the world appeared a hundred times brighter, the scents and sounds even more vibrant.
A neighbor cooked a late meal—chicken and potatoes—while another was watching an action movie with their window open, the sounds of explosions loud in my ears. I flicked them back, scenting the air.
I could still smell Miles. It was like I had his scent ingrained in me.
I had to run from it. Put it behind me. Immerse myself in the scent of wet dirt and pine. Maybe I could chase down a rabbit, let the thrill of the hunt work to erase the hurt of the heartbreak.
So I ran. Took off into the woods that surrounded my house.
It was freeing, being in my wolf form and feeling the wind flow through my fur.
It was even better once I hit the rain wall, feeling it fall, soaking the ground underneath my paws.
The sound of the storm instantly soothed me.
Like coos from a doting mother. I slowed my run to a trot.
Sniffed at the air, picking up on a deer nearby, but getting that scent tangled up with Miles’ again.
I shook my head. Paused. Sniffed again at the air.
No matter how far I got from him, I could still smell him. How would I be able to move past this if I couldn’t even get far enough to forget about him? It was an impossible task.
So why had I taken it up? Why did I let my worries drive my choices?
I pinned my ears back and let out a low, pained whine. It was a decision made from fear. Doubt. Even though Miles had shown me there wasn’t much to doubt in the first place. He told me he loved me…
I started to run again. Unsure of where exactly I was headed.
Just wanted to put as much distance between me and Miles as possible.
Try to get his scent out of my head so I could think clearly.
Because right now, all I wanted was to turn around, follow his scent, and try to figure things out.
Open myself back up to him. Let the tokens fall where they fucking may.
I ran faster. Pushed myself. The forest was easy to maneuver at night when you could see through the dark as clearly as you could see through the day.
Even without my sharper vision, I felt like I’d still be able to maneuver through the trees with how often I ran through them.
The rain started to let up although the lightning continued to flash through the trees with a haunting light.
Miles’ scent grew stronger somehow. I saw him leave with the guys to go celebrate at the bar. Downtown should be miles—ha!—away, and should be getting further from me the deeper I got into the woods. Was this a fated mate thing? Did his scent grow stronger the more I thought about him or something?
Why him? Why me?
Four simple words that triggered so many emotions.
As stormy as the clouds above me. I’d been wanting someone to call my own, even though I tried to stuff away that pesky need of mine.
Seeing people around me find their connections—Eli and Gabe being the prime example—made me wonder what the hell I did wrong to deserve a fate fuck-up like this?
Couldn’t things just be easy for once? Did history always have to repeat itself in some form or another?
Did my dad really have to go and ruin the entire family because of some side piece?
And did I have to really shut Miles out because I was scared of the possibility of getting hurt down the line? Was love always this scary? The stronger the love, the higher the climb, the harder the fall? I didn’t know. I had nothing to compare this to.
I ran harder but the scent didn’t diminish.
It reminded me of the most intoxicating brandy.
Sweet and manly and powerful. Stronger, stronger…
Was I chasing it? I slowed down as I entered a clearing.
A very familiar clearing. Flashbacks to the night I first met Miles here crossed my mind, to the morning when he fucked me against a tree and made me see the heavens.
Great. I’d been trying to run from him and ended up in the one place that reminded me most of him. I shook off some of the water that had soaked into my dense fur. The rain had slowed to a drizzle. I turned, about to call it and just go home.
That’s when I saw him run out into the clearing.
His sleek gray and white fur shone. His big yellow eyes glowed equally as bright.
He slowed as he entered the clearing and spotted me.
He drew toward me. His tail was down between his legs and his head was bowed in a way that read as apologetic.
My ears went up. I stepped forward slowly.
Body language was a wolf’s natural way of speaking, and his was saying a lot.
He came over to me and turned his neck to the side.
I didn’t nuzzle into him. He gave a small whine and went down to the floor, rolling over, exposing his belly.
He was being submissive. If he were to do this in front of a wolf he didn’t know, he risked exposing his most vulnerable parts to a nasty and life-threatening bite. But he knew I’d never do that to him.
Trust. There was so much between us.
I dropped my head, sniffed at his neck. Rubbed my face against his.
Home. No need to run. No need to hide or deny or doubt.
Why had I ever allowed myself to think otherwise?
We both shifted back into our human forms, stood on our two feet, and embraced under the rain.
I kissed his neck, was more than relieved that he’d come to find me.
I was ecstatic. This was just another sign that Miles was serious about what he said to me.
I held his head in my hands, rain streaking down his forehead, flattening some of his dark brown hair.
I could see in his eyes that he hurt as badly as I did. I kissed him.
“Sorry,” I said. The words spilled out of me.
“I reacted because of my anxiety. It won’t happen again.
Promise.” It wasn’t often that I let my impulses get the best of me.
I had been getting a better handle on my anxiety over the years, but the stakes with Miles just felt so astronomically high.
It made my fight-or-flight instincts kick in and unfortunately, I had chosen flight.
Like a damn coward. I tried to ice him out in a feeble attempt at protecting us both.
But from what? Having a happy ending?
Miles shook his head. The gold band at the top of his ear sparkled under the mist. “You don’t have to make me promises like that. We’re human—mostly—and we make mistakes. It’s okay. It’s fine. As long as you can hear me out.”
I nodded before saying, “Of course. I should have listened to you earlier. Let you speak. It was—”
“It was fine,” he said, kissing me back. I pressed my body against his. It felt like I had moved close to a crackling fire. His body heat encased me and fought off the late fall chill in the night air.
“I want to say first that I meant what I said to you after the full moon. I love you, Dylan. I’ve grown to love you with every passing day, and I’m so excited to keep on loving you, to growing the connection we have.” He kissed me as if it was a period to his statement.
His words—fuck—I wanted to get them tattooed across my chest. Inside my damn heart.
I wanted to skate them into the ice every time I played a game.
They were all I ever wanted to hear. Feeling loved by someone who you love in return is akin to winning the emotional lottery.
No greater feeling existed than the warm sunshine that just rushed through my veins and filled my body from head to toe.
“And I understand,” he continued sincerely, “where your worry and hesitation comes from. But I really did feel that fated pull the night of the full moon, and the more I think about it, the more I can see a link. I had taken everything off that night. Even my jewelry. I barely ever take that off, especially not this bracelet.” Miles fiddled with the golden cuff around his wrist. “I want to try something.”
“Fisting?” It was an intrusive thought. My eyebrows jerked up. Miles looked at me before he started to crack up.
“Since you know, you’re taking off jewelry.” I laughed with Miles. It was so easy to find belly-busting laughing fits with him. Even after an emotionally charged moment, I was still comfortable enough around him to crack dumbass jokes.
He shook his head. “No, not that.” He kissed me with a smile on his lips. “Something else.”
“Oh thank god, ‘cuz I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.”
Miles chuckled as he stepped away from me. For a split second the idea of holy shit is he going to propose followed close on fisting’s tail.
I stood there and watched, confused as all hell but happy as well. The happiest I’d ever been, actually. My head was full of poison at the start of this run and now felt like it was in the clouds by the end of it.
Miles was my cure. And I was his.
He’s all I ever wanted.