CHAPTER 9
“Are you doing okay?” Cruz asked from the passenger seat of the Mustang. They had pulled into the driveway of the Santiago mansion moments earlier, but Rodriguez made no move to get out of the car.
The young man stared out the side window, a tightness in his face that hadn’t always been so common for him but had become a constant companion these days.
A strand of black hair hung over his brow, damp from his shower back at the Sanitini mansion.
“It’s just…” He cleared his throat, then swallowed hard.
“… being back in that room.” His throat worked.
“I can still see him like it was yesterday, making the scourge for Clint.” His lips pressed tight as his chin trembled.
“I told him… I said… it was so fucking sexy.” His chin trembled harder.
“He… He laughed and said it was supposed to be scary.”
Cruz looked ahead through the windshield, his eyes swimming as his heart knotted with pain.
“I was like… for our guest, yeah, but for me…” Rodriguez bit his lip, tears welling.
“… for me, there was nothing more cock-hardening than watching a man forge weapons of mass destruction. And he said…” Rodriguez choked on a shaky laugh that turned into a sob.
“He said… I got a weapon of ass destruction for you.”
Cruz swallowed with a quiet laugh. “I loved his humor. He could always make me laugh.”
Rodriguez buried his face in his hand. “It’s not getting better,” he whispered, brokenly.
“I-I feel stuck there, like… like time stopped, and I can’t move forward from that moment.
” A sob shuddered through him. “I want to get better… for Darío. But I just… can’t.
I don’t know how.” He leaned forward, pressing his face into his arms against the steering wheel.
“His last words to me… he said…” Rodriguez shook with sobs.
“He said he loved me for real… and he would’ve married me. ”
Leaning over, Cruz gently squeezed the back of his neck, allowing the young man to let it out.
He had held everything in since losing Greco, never talking about him and walking away whenever someone mentioned him.
At Greco’s funeral, Rodriguez stood stone-faced, staring blankly at the ground throughout the service, eyes dry and vacant.
Cruz had given the eulogy. Cruz hadn’t seen him shed a tear since they returned from the Canada trip, though he had often heard the young man cry himself to sleep at night.
“He said he’d never loved anyone… before me.
” Rodriguez gripped the steering wheel, crying as hard as he had the night Greco was shot.
“And he would… he would love me for… eternity.” He let go of the wheel and grabbed Cruz, breaking down as he clung to the man.
“What am I gonna do?” he cried into Cruz’s shoulder, shaking badly.
“It gets worse every day. It feels like it just happened.” His fingers dug into Cruz’s back.
“I-I have panic attacks… at night… I feel like I-I can’t breathe. ”
Cruz hugged him tightly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You already worry about me too much,” he whispered, his voice trembling as he held onto Cruz like a frightened child.
“Emilio.” Cruz kissed his head. “We’re family. You’re my brother. Don’t ever think you can’t tell me when things are bad. I want to know. Always talk to me, or Papá. Don’t hide these things from us. Promise me.”
“I’ll try.” Rodriguez trembled, pulling out of Cruz’s arms. He wiped his eyes, still leaking tears, and looked out the side window again, his mouth clamped against his fist.
“Come on.” Cruz squeezed his shoulder. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure little Darío misses you.”
Rodriguez nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yeah.” He sniffed. “In a few minutes. You don’t have to wait with me.”
“All right,” Cruz murmured. “But if you wait too long, your little boy will come looking for you.”
Rodriguez smiled weakly. “I know.”
Cruz exited the car, walked along the brick path to the mansion, and entered through the front door. Sanchez met him in the entry hall.
“Where’s Rodriguez?” A look of concern strained his face.
“In the car,” Cruz said. “He’s just… taking a moment for himself.”
“Is he all right?”
Cruz didn’t know how to answer that.
“Are you all right?” Sanchez asked. “You look like you’ve been crying. What happened?”
“Nothing,” Cruz assured him. “Everything went fine. Well, not for the guests, but…”
“Then what is it?”
Cruz started to answer when he heard the car door close outside. “We’ll talk later.”
Rodriguez entered a couple of minutes later, eyes still red and damp.
Sanchez frowned. “You okay, kid?”
The young man nodded without looking him in the eye.
“Papá!” The little five-year-old boy appeared, raced down the hall, and threw his arms around Rodriguez’s legs. “I missed you.”
The young man picked up the child and held him close, his face buried in the boy’s dark hair. “I missed you, too, bub,” he whispered, his voice cracking.
Darío leaned back and flattened his small hands on Rodriguez’s cheeks. “Where did you go?”
“He was out there making the world safer for you.” Cruz ran his hand over the boy’s head.
The boy blinked. “Did you see monsters?”
“A couple,” Rodriguez mumbled. “But they’re gone now.”
“They won’t get me?”
Rodriguez’s chin trembled slightly, and he hugged the boy close again. “No, little man. I won’t ever let anything hurt you. I promise.” He moved past the other two men, carrying the child into another room.
“He was crying,” Sanchez murmured. “He hasn’t cried since the trip. I mean, in front of anyone.”
Cruz sighed. “He’s still hurting bad,” he whispered. “But I think he’s finally starting to let it out. He actually talked about Greco.”
“That’s good.” Sanchez hung his head. “My heart fucking breaks for him. If I’d lost you on that trip…” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I would’ve made it this far. The kid is stronger than he knows.”
“He’ll get through this,” Cruz said quietly. “It won’t be easy, but he’ll make it.”
“He will.” Sanchez nodded. “We’ll make sure of it.” He slid his hand across his mouth and stared thoughtfully at the floor.
“What is it?”
Sanchez let out a slow breath. “Shane called.”
“He did?” Cruz couldn’t hide his shock. “I thought he might have forgotten…”
“He hasn’t,” Sanchez said, raising his eyes. “He wasn’t asking for anything. He didn’t even ask me to tell him that he called. He just… wanted to see if he was okay, how he was coping.”
Cruz nodded slowly. “I think…” He looked at Sanchez. “… in the end… Shane might be the light that helps him find his way through the darkness.”
“Dad!” Luke rushed across the living room as Clint and Cochise entered the house. “You’re back!” Luke hugged the cowboy.
“I’m back.” Clint wrapped his arms around the boy and held him close for a long moment.
Lifting his head, Luke asked quietly, “Did you get them?”
“Yeah.” Clint nodded. “We got them.” He stroked his thumb gently over Luke’s bruised face. “They won’t be coming back.” His eyes shifted to Axel, standing in the archway to the living room. Just the sight of the young man lightened Clint’s heart. “We should head home.”
Axel nodded and disappeared down the hall.
“Everything is… okay?” Kane approached Cochise.
The Egyptian nodded once, understanding Kane’s concern. “It’s all taken care of.”
Kane smiled, relieved. He hugged Cochise. “I can never relax until you’re home safe,” he whispered.
Axel returned with Hope.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Clint said, patting Cochise’s shoulder. He paused a moment, holding the Egyptian’s stare. “You were a hero today,” he murmured, low enough that only Kane and Luke overheard him. “Whether you believe it or not.”
Cochise looked at him silently, offering no response.
Clint crossed the room to Axel and exited through the back door with his small family.
“You told Cochise he was a hero today,” Luke said as they crossed the spacious backyard. “Doesn’t he think he is?”
“No.” Even though Clint saw the hero in his Egyptian brother, he understood the man’s inability to see it himself. Many had called Clint a hero as well… but he didn’t feel it inside.
“He is,” Luke said. “And so are you.”
Axel smiled small—he was always the first to tout Clint’s heroism.
Clint hugged the boy to him. “Thanks,” was all he offered in return.
It was pointless to argue with Luke or Axel.
Clint had failed too many times to feel like a hero—his worst failure staring him in the face every time Axel removed his shirt, revealing the vicious scars across his upper body.
Clint had been there to witness each one inflicted…
and couldn’t do a fucking thing to stop it.
As Axel entered the house through the back door, he touched Clint’s arm. “Are you okay?” he murmured.
“Yeah.” Clint took Hope from Axel, cradling her in his arms. She’d been asleep when they left the house next door, but now she opened her eyes.
She gazed up at Clint, blinked, then grinned, kicking her feet.
Clint chuckled and kissed her head. “I missed you, too, darling.” He shifted her to his shoulder, holding her closer.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Axel looked uncertain. “It’s okay… if you’re not.”
Clint sighed as he gently rubbed the infant’s back.
“When she’s older,” he said, his voice strained.
“I’m going to be terrified of letting her out of my sight.
” He glanced toward the hall leading back to the bedrooms where Luke had gone.
“I’m already afraid for Luke. And after today…
” He shook his head. “Our kids aren’t safe.
” Clint met Axel’s gaze. “And I need them to be. Cochise needs his kids to be safe.”
Axel stepped closer, hugged Clint, then kissed Hope on the head. “Clint,” he murmured. “You do whatever you need to make our kids safe. You know I’ll support whatever decisions you make.” He kissed Clint on the mouth. “I need our kids to be safe, too.”
“When we came back from the island,” Clint said. “I wanted to start then.” He pressed his lips against Hope’s soft hair. “I should have.”
“By the time she’s older,” Axel said quietly, “her world will be safer. I’ll help you make it safer, and we’ll teach her how to protect herself.
She won’t be a victim out there; we’ll make sure of that.
Cory taught me to fight and defend myself, and I can teach her.
And so can you. We’ll start when she’s young, when she’s still safe within our bubble, so when she’s ready to venture outside it…
she’ll be a badass young woman no man will dare mess with.
And if they’re stupid enough to try…” Axel smiled.
“She’ll give them a little cowboy lesson they won’t forget. ”
Clint smiled small and nodded. “Yeah.” He kissed Hope’s head. “She will.”
“And Luke, too. He’s old enough to start taking lessons.”
“What’re you talking about?” Luke appeared, having only caught Axel’s last words.
“Taking self-defense lessons with me and your dad,” Axel said. “And Cory, too. Noah and Noel asked about it a while back. Would you like that? Everyone should know how to defend themselves.” He glanced at Clint. “Especially in this family.”
“Really?” Luke’s eyes brightened.
“Absolutely.”
He sobered a little. “If I knew how to fight, maybe I could’ve stopped those men from taking Tae.”
“Don’t blame yourself for that,” Clint said. “Those were grown men, and they had weapons. Knowing how to fight and defend yourself comes with responsibility. You still have to use your head if you want to stay safe. Acting recklessly can be dangerous. Remember that.”
“I will,” Luke promised. “Do you think Tae and Ash will want to take lessons, too?”
“Maybe,” Axel said. “We’ll give them a few days, then talk to Kane and Cochise first.”
“Okay.” Luke pursed his lips. “I know they’ll want to. Ash feels really bad that he couldn’t save Tae.”
“I can understand,” Axel murmured. “But he shouldn’t; it wasn’t any more his fault than yours. Like Clint said, they were adult, armed men. They could have hurt you a lot worse.”
Luke leaned against Clint. “But you hurt them instead. Right, Dad?”
Clint cupped the back of Luke’s head and nodded. “Right, son.”