22. Lyssa
Lyssa
“Well, isn’t this cozy?”
I wake to the sound of Andi’s voice, but I’m so disoriented that it takes me several long seconds to get a sense of my surroundings. I blink groggily, wondering why I’m on the couch instead of my bed, and why I’m twisted around a space heater.
Not a space heater – a hockey player. A very large, very warm, very cozy hockey player.
One of his arms is tucked under my head, wrist dangling off the side of the couch, and the other is draped over my chest. One of his legs has mine pinned in place, though I’m surprised to find it isn’t unpleasant.
Still, when I meet Andi’s shit-eating grin, I begin to squirm, anxious to remove myself from this compromising position.
“Hrrrrmph?” Benji groans, shifting. I allow myself a minute to move with him, basking in how good it feels, how we fit together just right. He must feel the same, because his arm slides from where it’s draped over me to grab my hip, squeezing.
I close my eyes, indulging in the moment for another second before I ask, “What time is it?”
“Two in the morning,” Andi replies. “I would say sorry for being out so long, but it seems you were preoccupied.” She waggles her eyebrows at me.
I shake my head. “We were just sleeping.”
And we were. After I’d confessed what transpired with Austin, we’d simply remained curled up by the fireplace, and I’d been so exhausted from admitting my story to him that I just listened to him tell me stories softly in my ear until I fell asleep.
I know now that he played the trombone as a kid, and that his childhood dream, if hockey hadn’t worked out, had been to own an alpaca farm.
What I also know now is that I’m falling for him, and it absolutely terrifies me.
This realization has me shifting as he wakes up, removing myself from his arms and quickly slipping from the couch. Benji lifts himself onto his elbows, blinking blearily up at us.
“Did you say two in the morning?” he asks, and the gravelly husk in his tone does something to me. I want to bottle the sound and play it on repeat.
“I did,” Andi replies with a laugh, but something about it sounds off. I frown at her, but she’s looking at Benji, not me.
“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, ambling to his feet. “Didn’t know Grant had that kind of stamina.”
“I’d have questions if you did,” Andi retorts. “But don’t worry, if you two want the bedroom, I can take the couch.”
“No!” I reply, so quickly and loudly that they both look at me. I see confusion and a touch of hurt cross Benji’s face, and the wave of guilt is immediate. I clear my throat. “I’m sorry. I mean, we all have an early flight tomorrow. We should get some sleep in our own beds and be up early to pack.”
“That’s a good point,” Andi puts in. I can’t tell if she is actually following my logic or just making sure I’m comfortable.
“Sorry, Benji. It’s girls-only in here for the rest of the night.
” She smiles but fixes him with a look that leaves no room for argument, and the love I have for her triples instantly.
Benji rubs the back of his neck, his gaze flicking from her to me. “Ah, yeah, sure. Makes sense.”
As he gathers his things, Andi tosses me a curious look, but I simply shake my head.
Tomorrow, I mouth, and she nods. Not only does that give me time to think up what I’ll tell her, but I can sort out my own thoughts on this whole ordeal.
I also want to question her on why she didn’t spend the night with Grant.
I open the door for Benji and offer him a shy smile as he approaches. He stops, eyeing me carefully. “See you tomorrow?” he asks.
“Of course.”
He moves forward – to do what, I’m not sure – and I step back, averting my eyes. I’m confused, and my heart feels raw and vulnerable from everything I’ve admitted to him. I’m not sure I have the space to invite any more emotions into this tonight.
Instead of voicing all of this, I simply whisper, “Sorry.”
He tilts his head, considering me. “You sure do say that a lot, don’t you?”
“I guess so,” I reply with a shrug. Because I feel it, all the time. “But I mean it.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
I meet his gaze and give him a half-hearted smile. “Good night, Benji.”
This plane ride is fucking awkward.
Benji keeps looking at me as if he wants to ask me something, but thinks better of it.
The attention makes me alternate between wanting to crawl into a hole and crawl into his lap.
I don’t know what to make of how conflicted I am, so I do my best to ignore it, instead sidling up to Andi.
The more space I give him, the easier it is to think clearly.
I’ll give it to the boys, though: they know how to pass the time and keep things amusing.
They’re playing an aggressive game of spoons, and each time they dive for one, I’m surprised the pilot – one of their dads, though I’m not sure whose – doesn’t yell at them for causing unnecessary turbulence.
It’s not a tiny plane, but it’s not necessarily a jumbo jet, either.
Levi’s girlfriend was given control of the music, and Andi and I holler with approval every time a song we know and love comes on.
The woman – Jessica, I think? – shoots us a grin every time it happens.
“We’re earning our way into their good graces,” Andi says, giving me a sideways nudge and waggling her eyebrows at me suggestively.
I laugh. “As if that’s hard for you to do.”
“True.” She considers this. “I’m like a virus. Easy to catch and hard to get rid of.”
I spit out my drink, spraying part of Ryan’s shoulder. I go to apologize to him, only to be met with cries of disapproval. “Andi, don’t let her apologize to the rook!” Grant shouts.
I cover my face, which is quickly growing warm, and whisper the words to Ryan regardless. He simply laughs, shrugging, and turns back to their game. My eyes flit over the group, catching on Benji's face.
I’m unsurprised to see he’s already looking at me, a thousand questions behind that intense gaze. Like I’ve done several times on this ride home already, I shift my eyes away, then back again, unsure if I can face what I see in his expression. Unsure if I want him to read what’s in mine.
We’re interrupted by the pilot calling back and telling us to prepare for landing, causing the players to groan and shuffle to their feet.
Grateful for the break in eye contact, I sigh and face Andi, taking another long sip of my water and reminding myself where we left our conversation off.
“If you’re a virus, you’re the only one I’d enjoy having. ”
Andi beams and puts her hand to her heart. “Lisa, that may be the best compliment I’ve ever received.”
Grant whirls around in his seat, stopped only by the buckle he’s just attached around his lap. “What’s this I’m hearing about Andi and viruses?”
“Hate to break it to you, but your lover has VD,” I deadpan.
Andi groans, but Grant simply takes it in stride. “Ah, hell, I knew she was too excited when I didn’t want to wrap it anymore.”
“Grant!” she shrieks, lunging to smack at his shoulder. He darts forward to avoid it, his booming laughter carrying over the seats, and I take small satisfaction in shaming her for a change.
Their bickering keeps me happily distracted through our descent, and when we land, I text Julia that she can drop Winston off at my apartment.
The ride home is filled with Andi’s happy recollections from the weekend, and I sit on the edge of my seat, anxious to get back to the furry face that has always been the best at helping me cling to my sanity.
When we arrive back at the building, I expect Andi to break off and leave with Grant, but she wordlessly follows me up to my apartment. I’m grateful for her presence, especially when I see the way Benji takes note and leaves alongside his friends while she stays in the elevator with me.
I’m grateful, that is, up until the moment we get to my apartment and she closes the door softly behind us.
I hear Winston’s feet skittering across the floors, racing to greet us, but I can’t look away from Andi’s expression.
It’s more serious than I’ve ever seen her: a mixture of stern and concerned, devoid of any sarcastic, bubbly humor I’m so used to seeing from her.
We stay that way for a long moment, saying nothing, simply looking at each other.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she finally asks, and her voice is so quiet that I finally tip over the edge. I sink down to grab Winston and burst into tears.