39. Lyssa
Lyssa
“Ican’t believe you’ve never been up here,” Benji says, passing me a flute of sparkling wine.
“Ah, yes. Because naturally, the first thing I want to do when it’s thirty degrees out is come hang out on the rooftop.”
I gesture around, and Andi slings an arm over me, rubbing my shoulder in a mock attempt to warm me up. “Actually, I think it’s closer to twenty degrees. But I do agree with Benji. This rooftop is sick.”
I have to admit, she’s right. There are lights strung out across the space, lighting the way like little stars.
The walls are a mixture of wood paneling and fake vines on all sides except one, which offers an unobstructed view of the city skyline in the distance.
A giant round fireplace is roaring at the center of the space, the flames licking up toward the sky doing their best to fight off the frigid temp, alongside a half dozen patio heaters.
The floor is cleared, but there are still some snow piles tucked in the corners where the heat can’t quite hit them.
Between that and the body heat of our group, it’s bearable, but I can’t imagine we’ll stay up here much longer than the ten minutes we have until midnight rolls around.
It’s New Year’s Eve, and Benji wanted us to celebrate the ball drop from the rooftop of our apartment.
So we followed, throwing thick winter coats, hats, and gloves over our shiny outfits, and following him back here.
Grant groans. “It’s cool and all, but seriously. I can’t believe you dragged us away from the bar to do the countdown up here.”
“Yeah, dude, we’re missing the bobber drop!” Levi chimes in.
I stare at him. “A bobber drop? Like, with fishing?”
He nods excitedly, and all I can do is snort. Clearly, there’s still some things I have to learn about Minnesota. But I do kind of love it. Benji smirks at me, like he knows what I’m thinking.
Jordie comes around, passing sparklers to all of us. Andi lets go of me and eagerly grabs one. Benji pulls out a lighter, gesturing to my sparkler. “Want a light?”
I nod, removing my mittens, and watch as the sparkler lights up.
Around us, bright, colored sparks slowly fill the rooftop as everyone else does the same, becoming little constellations that hiss and crackle.
Some of the guys immediately begin using their sticks as lightsabers, adding their own sound effects.
I meet Andi’s gaze and we both roll our eyes. “Men,” she mouths, but we’re both smiling.
“Are we sure this is safe?” I ask Benji as he lights his own.
He shrugs. “As safe as can be. Just wait until they bring the bottle rockets out.” My mouth falls open, and he laughs. “I’m kidding, L. Those aren’t legal in the city. We’ll let the professionals handle the big boy fireworks this time.”
I relax, and he tips his sparkler to me. We toast, and I watch intently as our sticks collide, the sparks combining into one large fountain of light. I smile, watching the sparks pour down to the ground, disappearing before they hit.
When I lift my eyes to look at Benji, I find him already watching me. “How are you?” he asks quietly.
My throat instantly burns with emotion as I consider his question.
To be perfectly honest, I’m doing better than I thought I would be.
Austin is going to be dealing with legal troubles for a good long while – not only for what he did to me, but for the breaking and entering, and the scuffle that followed with Jordie and Grant after I left the gym.
Paul’s video footage from the gym will answer any questions about who started what, and Benji’s family lawyer from the case with his brother has already agreed to help.
In a strange way, knowing that the worst has already happened and that I was able to fight my way through it has helped. I fought, and I survived.
I expected to have nightmares the night it happened, or not be able to sleep at all. But once the panic subsided, I was able to drift off in Benji’s arms, and I slept for almost twelve hours. It was like my body did a hard reset.
Since then, Benji and Andi have been by my side constantly.
I’m suspicious that they have a group chat going on, because the second Benji leaves for hockey, Andi is texting me, asking to hang out.
And as soon as Benji is back from hockey, Andi slips away, leaving the two of us.
They’re definitely taking shifts to make sure I’m not alone, but I can’t say that I mind.
Most surprising is a conversation Grant showed me on his Instagram last night. Of all the names I would have suspected to show up, I didn’t expect Patty’s.
Pattycake1450: Hey. I don’t expect you to check your random DMs, but just in case…
Pattycake1450: I heard what happened with Austin and Lyssa in Minnesota. When I looked it up, I saw your name tied to some of the charges. I haven’t found any contact info for Lyssa, so I’m taking a chance that you know her and hoping you can pass a message along.
Pattycake1450: Please tell her I hope she’s doing okay, and that I’m glad she took the chance and got out when she could.
Tell her Ethan is okay, and neither of us have been in contact with Austin since that night.
We both know we should have done more when we suspected what Austin was doing in the beginning.
I was scared that if I pushed too hard, I would lose Lyssa for good…
and I wanted to stay close enough to be there if she needed help.
But it turned out all I could do was tell her to run.
Pattycake1450: Anyways. I’m assuming she got a new number to escape that bastard. And though I wouldn’t blame her if she never wants to hear from me again…please just let her know I’m still here for her, I love her, and my number hasn’t changed if she ever wants to talk.
“This is your only chance. Get out.”
For months now, I thought Patty meant something completely different with her words. What I’d interpreted as a shattered friendship was really her plea to me, telling me that she knew what I’d been dealing with, and that I needed to save myself.
I’m glad she took the chance and got out when she could.
I’ve reread the messages half a dozen times now.
I already know I want to respond, but I need a little bit of time before I do.
I have to process how I let my mind run straight to the worst interpretation of my best friend’s words, expecting her to blame me instead of Austin.
My trust in our friendship was just another thing I let him take from me without even knowing.
“L?”
I blink, bringing myself back to the moment. Benji’s face is etched with concern, and I realize I haven’t answered his question.
“I’m…really good.” His expression is doubtful, and it makes me laugh. “No, I’m serious. I know it sounds strange, but I really am.” I pause. “But I’m very ready for a new year.”
A slow, somewhat sad smile spreads across his face. “So am I, little fighter.”
I nod in understanding. We both have so much from this year that we’d like to leave behind. A fresh start might be cliché, but I think it’s something we both desperately need.
“What do you hope the new year brings?” he asks, and my gaze goes back to the fiery light, now almost at the end of the stick, as I consider.
We haven’t discussed the fallout from our fight a few days back.
The words he said, and the ones I answered with.
I’m not entirely sure we need to, because our actions the last two days since have said it all.
He came for me when he knew I needed him, and I ran right into his arms. We’ve been inseparable since.
Even though we haven’t kissed, he’s come over at night, a silent question that I answer by letting him in and curling up with him in bed, our bodies a tangle of arms and legs.
What do I hope the new year brings?
The revelation crashes like a tidal wave. I know him. I know he isn’t Austin. And I’m more terrified of losing him than any fear I had before of being with him.
This has been his request since day one, hasn’t it? He asked me to choose him. So that’s all there’s left for me to do.
“You.”
His gaze is fiery with the last lights of the sparkler and the heat of emotion. I swallow and continue. “I want a new year filled with you. I don’t want to leave here. I have a home here now. I have Paul, and Bella, and Andi, and…you. If you’ll still have me.”
I add the last part quietly, and my heart stutters as I wait for his answer. I’ve taken the leap, and now all there is left to do is freefall, until he decides if he’ll catch me.
“All right, let the countdown begin!” Grant bellows, and a chorus of hoots and hollers go up alongside his words. They begin the chant.
Ten! Nine!
“You’ve always had me, little fighter. I was just waiting for you to decide if you feel the same.”
Eight! Seven!
“I do.” My heart beats painfully in my chest, and I decide, fuck it. All in.
I discard my drink and the remnants of my sparkler and twist my hands together nervously. Finally, I voice what’s been bubbling under the surface for weeks, desperately trying to break free from the layers of ice I’ve kept it under. “I love you, Benji.”
Six! Five!
Benji gazes at me, and I know the pure, raw emotion on his face is surely reflected on my own.
It solidifies everything I just chose. I feel safe here, and it feels like home.
I’m growing stronger every day, physically and mentally.
I’m surrounded by people who have taught me not only to love them, but to love myself, too.
I can’t imagine being anywhere but here, in this moment, with them. Especially Benji.
Four! Three!
He steps forward and reaches for me, pulling me to him. “I love you too,” he rasps out, his hand reaching up to cup my cheek. “So much.”
Two! One!
Cheers explode around us, but they’re a hazy backdrop as Benji dips his face toward mine, and I take the briefest second to absorb the beauty of him.
His dark brown eyes light up with the brilliant light of the sparklers around us, and the fireworks leaping into the sky at a distance. As our mouths collide, I melt into him.
He’s everything I never thought I would have. I was too busy running away to realize I ran right into the true love of my life.
Even after we break our kiss, our hands can’t seem to leave each other. He wraps one arm around my shoulders, intertwining his free hand with one of mine. I fold my other hand over the top of his and lean into him, enjoying the warmth that fills me inside and out.
Andi beckons us over, a new sparkler in hand. She draws a heart in the air with it as we approach, sparks flying as she whips it around. “Happy new year, you two lovebirds!”
“Happy new year, Andi.” Benji says, then turns to look down at me. “And happy new year, little fighter.”
I grin up at him, my heart so full, it’s near bursting. “Happy new year.”
And I know it will be.