Chapter Eighteen
Keaton
W AKING UP, I stretch my body and feel a delicious soreness in muscles I forgot existed.
While I’ve had sex before, it’s definitely been a while.
Even being with Camden, we didn’t have sex a lot because my schedule is usually insane and there wasn’t time for us to be alone together.
I’m not that girl who wanted to have sex with him in public areas or risk getting caught.
The thought of that happening always made me scared.
Thinking about it with Tucker, I don’t think I’d mind anywhere he wanted to fuck me.
The man has a body that deserves to be worshiped.
I can tell his muscles are from hard work on the farm and working out on a regular basis.
He’s lean with very defined muscles. I want to trace every ridge and dip of his body with my tongue until I memorize them.
That’s definitely a first for me because I never reacted to Camden like that.
I look over and immediately know Tucker didn’t sleep in bed with me.
I’m not sure why he didn’t stay and a horrible thought races through my mind as I jump out of bed and realize I’m completely naked.
Grabbing my robe, I hastily wrap it around my body and run to Bridger’s room.
His crib is empty as panic fills me and I run out of his room toward the living room where I think I left my phone.
A million questions race through my mind as I almost fall a few times in my haste to get to my phone.
When did Tucker leave the house?
Did Dillon get in and take Bridger from me?
What am I going to do if something happens to Bridger?
Should I call Tucker or the cops first?
I stop dead in my tracks when I find Tucker fast asleep on the couch.
He’s only wearing his boxer and his clothes are folded and placed on the coffee table.
Bridger is sleeping on his chest. I spot my phone on the table and quietly pick it up.
Turning on my camera, I snap several pictures of Tucker and Bridger sleeping.
Tucker’s arms are wrapped around the baby as he holds him close.
Both of them look so at peace as I grab the blanket off the back of the couch and carefully cover the two of them up.
After setting my phone on silent, I slide it in the pocket of my robe and pick up the bottle from the table and carry it into the kitchen.
Before I start to clean so I can make breakfast, I head back to my room and quickly shower before throwing on a pair of shorts and a baggy tee-shirt so I don’t have to wear a bra right now.
I hate bras and will use any excuse not to wear one.
After tossing my hair up in a messy bun, I make my bed and pick up any dirty clothes I’ve left on the floor.
The only ones are from last night. Moving into the nursery, I grab Bridger a change of clothes for the day, a diaper, and the wipes before carrying them out to the living room and placing them on the table.
I bypass cleaning there so I don’t wake them up and move to the kitchen.
I rinse out any dishes in the sink and load the dishwasher before starting it and moving on to clean the counters.
When I open the refrigerator and freezer to find something for lunch and dinner, there’s nothing.
I’ll have to go to the store and grab something.
I thought I had more food than what’s here and I don’t.
When I walk back in the living room once I’m done with the kitchen, I see the music I’ve been working on sticking out of my notebook and glance at Tucker to find him still sleeping.
I’m not sure if he saw it while he was out here or not.
I’ve been so careful to keep everything related to my music put up when I know he’ll be here.
Yesterday, I didn’t once think about it after getting that call.
Walking down to the studio I have behind a hidden door, I carefully put the music and my notebook away.
I don’t stay in my studio because I’ll start working and that’s something I can’t do while I’m here with Tucker.
I’m not ready to share my secret with him.
Not yet. I’ll eventually tell him and hope he doesn’t hold it against me because I am technically lying to him.
Maybe I should just say fuck it all and tell him I’m also Ruby.
If it changes whatever we have going on between us, then it does and I’ll know before my heart gets broken.
Or, Tucker will be the man I think he is and it won’t matter to him if I’m Ruby or not.
Something to think about another time as I make my way back upstairs.
Tucker and Bridger haven’t moved as I make my way back in the living room.
Heading back to my room, I change clothes and grab my keys before making sure I have my purse and phone.
Yes, I know I shouldn’t be going out alone, but I can’t make Bridger wait for his breakfast when he wakes up either.
I ran out of his cereal yesterday. Plus, I want to make breakfast for Ice because he deserves a meal after racing over to me yesterday just because I called and needed him.
Plus, I’m hoping Dillon is up to his old tricks and won’t bother with me just yet.
I head for the garage and leave in my car so I can hopefully be back from the grocery store before either one of them wakes up.
After pulling out of the gate, I wait until it closes before I head for town.
I’ve got my windows open and the music blaring as I sing along to the radio.
It’s one of Nora’s favorite songs and for the first time since Dillon killed her, I find myself smiling as I remember Nora singing this song horribly off key and at the top of her lungs when we’d ride around town if I were home from a tour.
She even did it on my tour bus more than once and was overheard by several members of my security team.
When we stepped off the bus, they were all laughing their asses off at Nora and she simply joined in with them.
Yes, I’m crying as I smile at the memory.
Nora was always so full of life and I wanted to be like her in so many ways.
Especially when it came to her not giving a shit what anyone else thought of her.
Yeah, she’d care about my opinion, but if she didn’t know you, you didn’t matter to her.
It’s what made all the mean girls in school hate her so much more.
They tried their hardest to torment and bully Nora, but nothing they did ever bothered her.
She would look at them with a smile on her face and ask if that’s all they had.
Nora was my hero and I hope I can one day be half the person she was before being ripped away from us all.
I know if I weren’t talking with Tucker, I’d still be a complete mess every single time I think of Nora and remember something from our past. We had so many good times in our lives and I will always cherish each of them.
If I’d known this is how things were going to end, I’d have taken the time to make even more memories with Nora so there wasn’t a single event in her life I missed.
I’d have done more to spend time with her instead of agreeing to go on tour or record the next album.
Now, I’m grateful for the memories we were lucky enough to make together and I will make sure Bridger learns of the more tame ones as he gets older.
He doesn’t need to know everything his mom and I did as we were growing up.
Pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store, I don’t hesitate to roll up my windows as I find a spot to park and turn down the music.
Not everyone has the same taste as I do and there’s no need for it to be so loud when so many people are walking near my car.
Especially the older couples who are giving me odd looks as I slowly drive so I don’t have some kind of an accident.
I’m always very vigilant in parking lots because people rush here and there without looking.
Before getting out of my car, I double check the parking lot for any sign of Dillon or the other people I’ve seen him hang out with the few times I’ve been home and around him.
When I’m confident none of them are close by, I quickly get out of my car and practically run across the parking lot.
Even when I’m in the store, I look up and down each aisle, moving as fast but as cautious as possible.
The last thing I want is for Dillon to try and sneak up on me.
He won’t give a shit if I’m in the middle of the store when he finds me.
Dillon will do whatever it takes to get his hands on me if that’s what he was saying when he was still in jail.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind he won’t stop until he’s either been arrested or accomplished his goal.
I spend the most time in the baby section because I need formula and I want to try different baby food than what I’ve already gotten for Bridger.
The doctor wants him to try new things and I’m trying to make sure he has one new thing each day.
There really hasn’t been too much Bridger doesn’t like with the exception of squash and sweet potatoes.
He spit both of those out and I was covered in the mess.
So, I don’t buy those flavors anymore. Still, there are so many options for him to try as I pick and choose, stocking up on the ones I know Bridger loves.
Most of those are the fruits, but he does like some of the others too.
Sometimes it depends on how tired he is as well.
If Bridger is sleepy when I go to feed him, he doesn’t always eat normally.
So, I try to make sure he eats when he’s not tired or has just gotten up.