Rowan #2
“Aunt Anabelle was great. She was my rock after my parents’ car crash and took care of everything so that I could focus on the band.
Maybe I got a little too comfortable and ignored everything else besides my music.
I pushed the others too hard, and even after they brought up disbanding a couple years in the first time around, I refused.
I thought we were in our prime, that we could leave behind a legend that’s never been seen before. We’d live up to the MYTHS name.”
Milo pauses, and his voice is filled with sorrow when he continues, “I didn’t see the cracks that’d formed in our band. No, it’s more like I refused to see them. Ignored them because they weren’t part of my plan.”
My arms wrap even tighter around him as silent support to show that I’m still here. That I’m on his side.
He hugs me. His nose is pressed into the base of my neck, and he takes a deep breath, like my scent is as calming for him as his is for me.
“It started with alcohol,” he finally continues, and I wrap him tighter.
“I think I noticed the booze-filled breath after our first year, but I shrugged it off. It’s no secret that celebrities like to party, and we were young and successful, so while we were all striving for the same goals together, it wasn’t like we were close enough to share our secrets.
Tate was the one to voice his concerns about Sully and set up an intervention.
I think it was right after they brought up disbandment for the first time.
And when I stopped smelling alcohol on Sully, I thought the intervention worked.
I thought—I wanted—everything to be fine. It wasn’t. It’d gotten so much worse.”
“Oh, Milo.”
I’m hugging him tight now, probably too tight for it to be comfortable, but he doesn’t complain. He only holds on to me too.
“He started using drugs?” I ask softly.
Milo nods into my chest.
I can’t say I’m surprised. Drugs aren’t uncommon in this industry. The spotlight shines brightly on the glamor of this lifestyle, but that just means the shadows are deeper.
“I never told anyone else, but he tried talking to me in private about disbanding again, you know? But I shrugged him off. Told him we couldn’t quit when we were at the height of our careers. I ignored his hollow eyes and gaunt skin because I only had eyes on my goals.”
“But he agreed with you, didn’t he? Isn’t that why he stayed?”
“He stayed because I guilt-tripped him! Sully is a sweetheart. He would sacrifice himself if it meant making someone happy,” Milo argues.
“That’s not your fault,” I insist and nudge him back so he can see how serious I am when I say, “He stayed, and that’s a choice he made.”
“I forced him into it. Me! If I’d just agreed to the disbandment when they’d first brought it up instead of dragging them with me for years longer, then maybe he wouldn’t have even fallen into drugs in the first place.
He wouldn’t have gotten sick.” Milo is shaking his head, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.
I use my thumb to wipe them away.
“You weren’t the only member of the band.
There were four other people with you. Four others who could have called out the problem and put the brakes on everything.
But they didn’t. They didn’t because they wanted the same thing as you.
They wanted MYTHS to go further, because why else would they stay? ”
“Because I convinced them to?” Milo speaks the question weakly.
“Babe, you can probably charm the pants off anyone, but I don’t think they would stay unless they have something to gain from it. Unless they wanted it. That’s not on you.”
Milo doesn’t speak for a moment. He’s all glossy gray eyes filled with emotion—one that looks way too close to affection, which might be my own delusion.
“You called me babe,” he whispers when he finds his voice again, just in time for me to lose mine.
“I—well, um, it,” I stumble. The term of endearment slipped out, and I’m not sure how to explain it away without revealing how I truly feel about him.
“I spent so much time in my head—in my music—that I ignored everything else around me. Thank you for taking my side, but I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did to Sully—and I don’t want to repeat that.
I don’t want more regrets. I don’t want to ignore anyone else’s feelings because I’m still stuck in my head. ”
I frown, unsure of where he’s coming from or what he’s implying. However, I can’t shake the feeling that something big is about to come. Something that’s going to shake my whole axis, and when I’m trying not to rock the boat, it terrifies me.
“You’re not—”
“Wait.” Milo uses both his hands to cover my mouth and stop me from talking. “I can’t ignore things the way I did with Sully. I can’t let this go unspoken.”
My heart pounds in my ears. Has he noticed my feelings for him and how deep they actually run? If he’s comparing me to Sully, does that mean that he doesn’t want the regret of letting things continue until it’s too deep to climb out from?
My hands grip him tighter. I knew things had to end eventually, but I thought I had more time than this.
I nod anyway. If this little time is all I get with Milo, then so be it. I can’t let myself become another regretful memory.
“I love you,” he blurts, and that’s the last fucking thing I expected to come out of his mouth.
I think my brows are to my hairline, but I can’t really focus on anything besides Milo right now. He’s still looking at me with determination in his eyes, and his hands still covering my mouth.
Why are they in my way when all I want to do is kiss him now?
“And I know you only see me as your client. Sure, we’re having sex, but I’m sure that’s all it is to you, but I—”
I break free of his hands and don’t let him continue by claiming the kiss that I need to fuel my soul. Milo is instantly soft in my arms, melting into the kiss. His tongue dances with mine, calling to me like this is how we were always meant to be.
“I love you,” I murmur when I have enough brain cells to remember that I still haven’t actually said the words out loud.
Milo leans back to look at me with the expression I was probably wearing just moments ago.
“You do? Then why did you keep pushing me away?”
“Well, because this doesn’t change the fact that it’s inappropriate. It’s so unprofessional to fall in love with your client. In fact, I was thinking that after all this is over, I should talk to Price about assigning you someone else.”
“No, absolutely not!”
“Milo.” I say his name helplessly. “How can I do my job properly when all I can think about is you?”
“Doesn’t that mean you’ll do whatever it takes to keep me safe?”
“Yes, of course I will, babe. I’ll always keep you safe, but it’s different.”
“Are you saying you trust me in the hands of someone else?” he asks. I know it’s a taunt, and I fall right for it.
All the guys who work for Price are good at their job—Price wouldn’t keep them on if they weren’t—but it doesn’t change the nasty swell inside of me at the thought of anyone else spending time with Milo like this.
“There’s Jack,” I try to reason.
“He’s retiring. That’s the whole reason you were hired, remember?”
I bite my lip, unable to come up with another excuse. Milo laughs and loosens my lip from my teeth.
“That’s my bad habit. Don’t go learning it from me now,” he says and kisses me as if offering me a consolation prize.
As always, when his lips are on me, I get lost in him. Everything else drifts away as every single cell inside me screams for him.
I lean in for a deeper taste, but Milo pulls back. His forehead is on mine, and his hot breath tickles against me.
“I’m selfish, Rowan,” he whispers. I’m about to argue his point, but he continues before I can. “I want it all; you as my lover, going on tours with me as my bodyguard. I want everything with you. I don’t care if it’s ‘right’ or ‘appropriate.’ It’s you and me. And that’s what I want.”
Milo has kept me on my toes since practically the moment I met him, but he’s outdone himself this time. Swept me off my metaphorical feet and knocked all words out of existence.
“Wow, I… I don’t know what to say,” I tell him honestly.
“Say yes. Tell me you want the same thing too,” he murmurs.
When it comes to Milo, going along with his flow has never been hard. And now, agreeing to what he wants—what I want, too—is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
“Yes, I want all that—and more,” I agree and seal the words with a kiss. I don’t linger for long, because there’s something I’ve been curious about for a while. “Wait, there’s something I need to ask.”
Milo’s expression is full of unwillingness at the kiss being broken that I can’t hold in my laugh.
He’s reluctant as he says, “Hurry up and ask so we can get back to locking lips.”
Despite the heaviness of the question I have in mind, I can’t stop my smile.
“Who’s Jamie?”