Chapter 16
Patrick
Irecovered faster than I expected, too, that last time. After the shock of being with Cain again wore off, I immediately began rebuilding my walls. Not that he doesn’t know how to dismantle them, brick by brick, but I won’t give him another chance to get that close.
He played my body like a fiddle, then said goodbye without so much as a backward glance.
That was six months ago, and I’m committed to moving on. Granted, I haven’t actually done anything to move on, but I accept the flimsy excuse for closure as what it is, and have done my best to forget Cain ever existed.
Grabbing my laptop, I settle onto the couch in nothing but sweatpants, trying to get lost in work. Going through the motions…faking it until I make it…whatever you want to call it.
It’s a Saturday, which means I can pour a glass of wine while I scroll through emails, but Liam’s words from that night that feels like a lifetime ago still ring loud and clear in my head: You work too hard, and you still probably drink too much.
I guess he’s not wrong, but what else have I got?
Logging into my email, I see an unread message from my boss discussing a new contract we’ve acquired. As I read through it, it all sounds normal. A hospital system is restructuring its administration, and there’s pushback from the physicians.
Enter my team of mediators to make everyone happy.
Same old shit.
Until I read the hospital name and my drink slips from my hand, splashing across the scar on my chest like some sick and twisted sign from that bitch, Karma.
Boston Memorial.
The last time I stepped inside that hospital, Cain held my literal heart in his hands, and I left with the scar I still bear.
I fire an email to my boss, taking the coward’s way out, explaining in not-so-great-detail the conflict of interest, and ask to be removed from the assignment.
His response comes quickly: My request is denied.
Apparently, my ‘calming nature’ along with my experience in this particular area make me the prime candidate for not only a spot on this team but the leader of it.
My flight information is attached.
I have four days to brace for impact.
With forty-eight hours until my flight to Boston, I’m helping Liam move new furniture into one of the guest rooms of his bed-and-breakfast when he catches me completely off guard.
“Dad, do you stay in touch with that doctor friend of yours from college?”
I nearly drop my end of the heavy dresser right on my foot.
“What?” I say stupidly, trying to buy time.
“Carl or Kevin or…what was his name?”
“Cain,” I answer begrudgingly.
“Right. Cain. Do you keep in touch with him?” Liam asks again.
“Not really. Why?”
Li shrugs. “I dunno. Kinda wish you had more friends. He seemed nice, and I’ve, uh,”—he pauses to rub the back of his neck—“never seen you look at someone like you looked at him.”
Shit.
“He and I shared some good times, but they’re all in the past, Li,” I say, trying like hell to deflect.
“Were you and he…ever more than friends?” my son asks, finally making it so I have no choice but to set the dresser down. Thankfully, he can slide it into place from here. “Dad?” he says, making me realize I have no idea how much time has passed since he asked me that question.
I don’t want to lie, but telling Liam the truth about Cain isn’t something I’m ready for. Hell, it’s not something I ever planned on doing.
“Yes,” I finally whisper.
“Before Mom, I assume?”
His tone makes it clear he’s trying to determine if I cheated on his mother with Cain, and while I’m a cowardly asshole, I’ve never cheated on a partner in my life.
“Yes. Your mother and I started dating shortly after Cain and I…” I trail off because what’s the right term? We can’t break up if we were never together in the first place. “After we stopped seeing each other.”
“Did you want to stop seeing him?”
At this question, I sit down in the vacant wingback chair, rubbing my jaw.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Liam says astutely, sitting on the edge of the bed, both of us staring at the floor.
“It’s complicated. Cain is…”
“Intense?” Liam offers, making me huff a quiet laugh.
“Definitely that,” I agree. “But also, magnetic? If that makes any sense? Everyone wanted to be his friend. He was athletic, smart, outgoing, and confident.”
“Don’t forget hot as fuck,” Liam says.
I whip wide eyes toward my son.
“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Liam says, furrowing his brow. “There was a time, not so long ago, you were banging a guy with a twenty-year age gap between you. Is it so crazy to think I could find Cain attractive?”
Suddenly, my fucked-up relationship with Taylor is glaring back at me through my son’s eyes.
And not just because of our age difference, but the way I used him to try to fill the void Cain left behind.
I made Taylor pay the price for sins that weren’t his.
Thinking about Cain doing the same to Liam has my stomach dangerously close to emptying on his hardwood floor.
“And I will never be able to tell you, Damon, or Taylor, how sorry I am for treating him the way I did,” I confess.
“I think he’s found his person, so you’re probably forgiven.”
“I hope you’re right,” I admit sadly.
“So, anyway,” Liam says, “this trip to Boston. Are you going to see Cain?”
“I’m going to try my best not to.”
Suddenly, Liam is standing next to me, his hand on my shoulder.
“Dad, maybe it’s time you stopped punishing yourself for the past.”
Too bad the past doesn’t seem done punishing me.