7. Clara
CLARA
“And then he stuck his finger in the pie, not realizing that I had purposely made a fake pie with shaving cream on top! But Tanner, being the sneak that he is, couldn’t wait and shoved a whole handful in his mouth!”
The whole table laughed uproariously at Lila Cross’s story. And it was hilarious, but I was so sick of talking about family all the time. Every single woman I met in this town talked about their husbands for fun and bragged about their kids like it was going out of style.
And I was done with it.
Georgia turned her attention to me. “So, Bailey tells me Liam is helping Ben tear down the wall between your kitchen and your living room. You’ll finally have the kitchen you want. Just think of all the—”
“I didn’t do it so I could spend more time in the kitchen,” I interrupted. “My sole purpose was to get him off his ass and back to work.”
The table turned silent all around me, each of the women turning to me with wide eyes and their mouths gaping.
Oops. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but it just slipped free.
I was pretty sure everyone in the town heard my declaration, and worse, stopped to stare at me. I had never spoken an ill word of my husband in all the years we’d been married, and the whole town knew I would never gossip about anyone in my family.
Well, I suppose I’d gossiped about Bailey and Liam when they couldn’t seem to get their acts together.
But this was different. This was vocally reproaching my husband for something the whole town knew was happening. And when this got back to Ben—which it would in the next five minutes—he would be pissed at me.
So, I did what any good wife would do and I laughed it off as I picked up my coffee and took a sip. Like the good wives they were, they laughed along with me, pretending I was joking about the whole thing. But Georgia, the way she was eyeing me, I knew we’d talk about this later.
Cora grabbed her purse, tossing down some cash for the tip, while Ruthie walked over, bringing us the checks. “You should make a weekly gathering of this.”
“Then none of the chores would get done around the house!” Loretta Briggs laughed.
I forced a smile at the quip. I had to get out of here before my mouth got away with me. I’d already made one major error. I wasn’t about to give the town more fodder to chew on.
“Well, I’m off to the bookstore,” I announced, getting out of the booth.
“Off to find some spicy romance books?” Lila asked.
“Nope. Just to check on Ellie. Bailey tells me she’s been spending a lot of time in there, so I thought I’d pop in and see how she’s doing.”
“I’ll go with you,” Georgia said pointedly. “I need something new to read.”
I nodded and made my way to the register, handing over my ticket, all the while noticing how people were whispering while staring at me. No doubt, they were still chewing over the horrible words I blurted out just minutes before.
“Just keep walking,” Georgia whispered as I headed for the door.
I did as she said, not surprised at all when she rushed out of the diner and linked her arm through mine, tugging me quickly away.
“I don’t know what’s come over you, but I can guarantee you’ve just set the whole town alight with gossip.”
“I know,” I hissed. “God, it was so stupid.”
Mrs. Buttersworth gasped as she walked past, no doubt because I took the Lord’s name in vain. Yes, I was on a roll today, and if my luck didn’t change—or I didn’t learn to keep my mouth shut—word of my antics would be all over town.
“What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t,” I whispered. “It just slipped out!”
“Are things really all that bad at home?”
I sighed heavily, wishing I could take it all back. But as I walked with Georgia to the bookstore, I knew I needed a friend to confide in, or I’d bust.
“I’m losing it, Georgia. I’m snapping at Ben all the time. I’m angry about everything, and I’m going on a shopping spree the likes you’ve never seen before.”
“Well, that’s normal when you’re going through the change.”
“I already went through the change,” I sighed. “No, this is different. It’s…”
I pulled her to a stop with me, then walked over to the bench to take a seat so I could see her face as I explained my warring emotions.
“I was doing the dishes, and I just thought, What am I doing with my life? And I just suddenly got so angry that despite how wonderful everything has been and how blessed Ben and I are, I haven’t really done anything for myself. I’m lost.”
“Honey, we all feel like that at one time or another.”
“Yes, but I went on a shopping spree! I never do that!”
Chuckling, she patted my hand in that sympathetic but pitying way.
“Honey, after my husband died, I went through the gamut of emotions. I cried the same day I laughed. I spent money on ridiculously tiny spoons from the Home Shopping Network, and I even bought a dog, which I later returned to the shelter when I realized I don’t even like dogs. It’s perfectly normal.”
“But I don’t feel normal. I feel like…”
How did I even describe this?
“It’s not like I’m trying to get through a stage in life. It’s like I’m waking up and realizing for the first time that I’ve always lived my life for someone else.”
She was silent for a moment, then took my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Then I guess we’d better figure out who you are!”
The bright smile on her face was nearly my undoing. She wasn’t judging me, wasn’t telling me to get over it. She was going to help me on my journey.
“Really?”
“You know, I think you might be on to something, and if we’re lucky, we’ll achieve more than one purpose today.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you said Ellie’s been hanging out at the bookstore. I think you might be just what she needs to break the ice and get back into her own shop,” she said with a sly grin.
In a matter of minutes, we made it to the bookstore and stepped inside to the most peaceful atmosphere.
I always loved coming in here, and wished I could sit in the chair and relax all day.
But I was always in a hurry to get back to the house, to finish the chores for the day.
Now, I wanted nothing more than to sit and drink a cup of tea.
But Georgia had other plans in store for me.
“Ellie, dear! How are you today?” she said, rushing over to where Ellie was currently plopped in a beanbag chair.
She startled at the sudden noise, but quickly schooled her features. “Good. Just…”
“Well, Clara and I were just talking about how we needed to freshen up our looks.”
“Oh, you were?” Ellie frowned, twisting her fingers nervously. “Um…Alyssa’s at the store right now.”
“I need your insight.” Stepping forward, I admitted what I hadn’t realized until this moment. Looking down at my tired clothing, I sighed. “I look like my mother. Seriously, I didn’t even realize how…old I was dressing until now. I need a fresh look. A fresh perspective on life.”
“And while you’re helping her, you can also find me a new style. We’ll be the most fashionable older women in town!” Georgia laughed.
“Well, I suppose I could help for an hour.”
“Hey!” Cassidy grinned, coming out of the back with her arms full of books. “Here for a beach read?”
“We have no beaches around here,” Georgia laughed.
“No, but they’re still fun!”
“Um…we’re just heading over to the shop for an hour,” Ellie said nervously.
Cassidy gave Ellie a reassuring smile before turning back to me. “Trying some new styles?”
“I’m reinventing myself.”
“Man, I love reinventing myself! I’ll be over when the shop closes, if you’re still there.”
Glancing at the clock, I seriously hoped it didn’t take that long. “I highly doubt we’ll still be shopping in four hours.”
“You never know!”
While Georgia looked absolutely thrilled about the whole thing, Ellie looked like she wanted to vomit.
Nausea swirled in my stomach, too, but for different reasons than Ellie.
It had been a long time since I’d changed anything about my appearance, and I was afraid I was too late to switch my style now.
I would be my mother forever.
“Oh my gosh! I love that one!” Georgia beamed.
“Really?” I turned, letting the skirt flow around my calves as I checked myself out in the mirror. It did look good. I was just finding it hard to accept that this was really me.
The green v-neck wrap dress looked fabulous, and those were really my legs sticking out. In the right shoes, I actually looked taller and a little more shapely. I never knew something like this still existed under the fabric I’d buried myself in over the last thirty years.
“Ben won’t be able to take his eyes off you in that,” Georgia winked.
As I admired myself in the mirror, I wondered if Ben would even recognize me. I did love it, but when would I even wear something like this? Dresses were not conducive to ranching or cleaning a house.
“What is it?” Georgia asked, coming up behind me to look at me in the mirror.
“I was just mentally counting on one hand all the places I would wear this.”
“You know, I heard the town is talking about bringing back the monthly dances. You could wear it then. Pair it with some cowboy boots, and you’ve got yourself one hot outfit.”
I rolled my eyes at her ridiculousness. “Like I could get Ben to take me dancing.”
“Honey, if you wore this, he wouldn’t be able to say no.”
“But…doesn’t it look like I’m trying to be somebody I’m not?”
“Isn’t that the whole point of this? You said you wanted to change.”
“I know, but this is a young person’s store.”
She grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me to face her. “Clara Parker, you are not even sixty. I will not allow you to talk about yourself like you’re some elderly woman with one foot in the grave.”
“I almost was,” I reminded her.
“And that is precisely what brought on this change, right?”
Sighing, I knew she was right. If I was really going to make a change and please myself, then I needed to get moving.
“Alright. Ellie, let me see what else you’ve got!”
As if on cue, Ellie popped out of the back with a smile on her face and an armful of clothes.
“I have the cutest jeans for you and some shirts that should look fantastic on you!”
I hadn’t seen Ellie this happy in a long time, so I smiled and tried to be just as excited as her. And honestly, I should have come in a long time ago. Her taste was flawless, and the outfits she chose fit me perfectly, even if I was a little uncomfortable with how tight the jeans were.
“Oh my,” Georgia murmured as I stepped out in jeans and a loose-fitting button-down shirt.
With it tucked in, you could actually see my waistline, something I hadn’t shown off in years.
I’d been too busy hiding it behind my mom jeans that fit me all wrong.
How had I not realized that I was dressing in the wrong things all these years?
“Look out, Montana! Clara Parker is in town, and she’s here to break hearts!” Ellie laughed.
“I can’t believe this is me. Seriously, who knew I could actually look younger?”
“Well, it helps if you don’t dress like you’re already in your eighties,” Ellie grinned. “But I think I’ve got quite the wardrobe for you.”
“I’ll break the bank with all this,” I laughed.
“Not with the friends and family discount.”
There was no way I’d allow that. Ellie hadn’t been running her store regularly since the incident, and even with Alyssa opening the shop for her, it just wasn’t the same.
“So, do you want me to save that dress you wore into the shop?” Ellie smirked.
I glanced at Georgia, laughing for unknown reasons. I felt lighter than I had in years, younger than I should at this age, and ready for whatever new adventures awaited me.
“Burn it.”
The girls cheered just as the front door opened and Cassidy rushed through, tossing her purse aside as she skidded to a stop. “What did I miss—hot damn, Mrs. Parker!”
“Clara. God, I won’t feel any younger if people keep calling me Mrs. Parker.”
I turned back to the mirror and gave myself a once-over. This was really me. I was the younger-looking woman in the mirror staring back. Those were my curves, and though I could stand to get in shape, I was pleased with how I looked overall.
“Are you going to try on something as well, Georgia?”
“Yes,” I spun, facing my friend. “Cassidy’s right. You need a makeover as well.”
“Oh, I don’t—”
“We have to stick together. Wasn’t that what you were telling me earlier?”
“But I—”
I was already pushing her toward the dressing room while Ellie sized her up, gauging her for the right look.
“Really, I don’t think anything in this shop will fit me!”
“Nonsense. You’re skinnier than I am. And there has to be someone in town you’ve got your eye on.”
She blushed bright red, but fought me the whole way. I shoved her into a dressing room just as Ellie brought an outfit for her, along with promises of more to come.
As for me, I continued to try on outfit after outfit, not stopping until I had an entire wardrobe of new clothes. Even then, there was more here than I would ever wear, but I intended to get rid of everything in my closet. If I was going to change myself, I had to get rid of the old me.
“Um…what about…” I shot Ellie a look, hoping she understood what I meant when my eyes darted over to her delicates section.
“I think we can find a thing or two for you. Would you like something for a special occasion?”
I flushed bright red at the implication. “Heck no. I think that would give him a heart attack. Let’s just start with the basics for now.”
“Maybe a heart attack is what he needs,” she winked.
As much as I wanted to steer things in a different direction in the bedroom, I just wasn’t there yet.
Sex had been hit and miss between us for a long time.
What used to be passionate was now mundane, and despite needing his touch more than anything, I found myself rolling away to avoid feeling like a chore instead of a desire.
So, for now, sex was off the table. The first thing I needed to focus on was me. After that was done, I could think about other matters.