24. Ben
BEN
She kicked me out.
Again.
The moment I got her home from the hospital, she glared at me and slammed the door in my face. I didn’t get it. I was trying to take care of her, and she didn’t like that. Why?
Collapsed.
The moment the words left Mav’s lips, I was taken back to that night not even a year ago when she collapsed and started foaming at the mouth.
My wife. The love of my life. She was almost taken from me, and there was nothing I could do about it. But to have it happen all over again, to see her in that car, watching every move she made just to be sure she was okay…
Fuck, I really didn’t want to relive that.
Maybe that’s why she got rid of me. I might have been a tad overbearing at the hospital. Yes, I demanded X-rays, a CT, and anything else I could look up on the internet.
Caroline kicked me out of the room just so Clara could have some breathing room.
I knew I was going too far. You didn’t have to be a genius to know I was a fucking mess.
I tried to tone it down. I tried to be cool about everything, but when I saw the tired look on her face, it was like that night all over again.
And I demanded the absolute best for her.
But for some reason, that only pissed off my wife.
That was yesterday. Today, I ran as fast and hard as I could, hoping to burn off the energy consuming me. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, just sat in my truck in the driveway, praying my wife was okay. I only left when I saw the light flick on in the bedroom this morning.
Slowing to a jog, I continued down Main, finally coming to a stop just outside the apothecary shop. The same shop that provided the poison that nearly killed my wife.
Unintentionally.
Josie had no clue about any of it, but that hadn’t mattered to me at the time.
I stormed in there and tore the damn place apart, effectively destroying my relationship with her and JR. We weren’t exactly close, but JR had been a good friend to the family up until the day I nearly ruined his wife’s business.
Stepping closer to the window, I peered through, my lips twitching as she bounced around the shop with her little tyke. Jax, I was pretty sure they’d named him. He had to be at least four months old now.
Fuck, Clara would know about these things.
With tentative steps, I pulled the door open, ignoring the tension in the room the moment my footsteps echoed around the empty space.
JR scowled at me as he rounded the counter and placed himself between me and his wife. Message received. I was not welcome here. Not that I could blame him. I’d said some horrible things to his wife that day.
He’d threatened to kill me if I ever walked into his wife’s shop.
Well, here I was, and things wouldn’t get better on their own.
“I came to apologize.”
My words did nothing to ease the tension in JR’s body. If anything, he looked like he was ready to string me up from a tree.
“Josie…I know there’s nothing I can say to fix what I did.” My words were practically strangled as they left my lips. I was not great at apologizing, and even worse at admitting the fault was all on me.
“How is Clara?” she asked, stepping forward, only for JR to once again place himself between us.
“She…uh…got herself into a little bit of an accident yesterday,” I chuckled.
“Because of the poison?”
The concern in her voice was sincere. How I could have ever thought she had anything to do with Clara almost dying was a mystery.
“No.” And now it was time to bite the bullet.
“There’s no excuse for what I did. I only hope that one day you can forgive me for what I said and did.
I was…terrified.” I swallowed hard, trying not to go back to that moment.
“She was laying there in my arms and— When I found out she’d been poisoned, nothing about the way I reacted was rational. And I’m sorry I took that out on you.”
Despite her husband trying to block her, she stepped around him and walked toward me. A sincere smile graced her lips, which only made me feel like more of a shit.
“I understand. Thank you for coming here.”
JR gripped his wife by the arm and dragged her back to his side. “We are not okay, and we never will be,” he bit out.
“Understood.”
“JR—”
“He’s right,” I interrupted before she could defend me. “If anyone had come at my wife like I did with you, there’s no way I’d let them near her again. It’s just the way it is.”
“But you were scared,” she whispered. “People do crazy things when they’re scared.”
“That may be, but it doesn’t excuse what I did or said.”
JR’s jaw clenched yet again. It was time for me to leave. “Don’t come back here.”
“JR!”
I nodded to him, taking my leave. I was lucky he didn’t pull out a gun and shoot me. Hell, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my family, and he was doing the same for his.
“Let me know how much it cost to replace what I destroyed. I’d like to pay for it.”
“We don’t want your money,” JR snapped.
“JR, stop it!”
Ignoring her, I spoke only to him. This was between us now. “I understand, but if you change your mind, send me the bill.”
His lip curled in disgust, so I turned on my heel and walked away, tuning out Josie yelling at her husband. She was a sweet girl, always wanting everyone to get along, but there were just some things people could never move past.
This was one of them, and I wouldn’t push it any further by going anywhere near either of them again. I came and said my piece, but now it was time to walk away.
So, I jogged down the street to the gym, checking yet another item off my list—inspecting the damage to Sam’s training area, and finding out if I was now banned for life for my wife’s “accident”.
I still wasn’t sure about what happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe she actually wanted me dead.
Not yet, anyway.
“How’s the cleanup?” I asked Sam when I headed down to the gym after my run-in with JR.
“The new window will be installed later today. The support is fine.”
“Good. Send me the bill.”
“Nah. I’ve got it covered.”
No matter how much he resisted, I would get that bill. I paid my dues, and this was most definitely on my family. Much like the damage to Josie’s shop, though convincing JR to send me the bill would be a hell of a lot harder.
“When the bill comes, send it to me.”
“Geez, you’re one cranky bastard.”
“You would be too if your woman ran her car through a window.”
He cringed, probably thinking about something Cassidy had done. She was always giving him a heart attack, carrying around a drill or a ladder. I knew the feeling all too well.
“Clara doing okay?”
“She kicked me out. Wouldn’t even let me in the house,” I muttered.
“She’ll get over it.”
I kicked my shoe on the ground, staring at the tiny pebbles on the sidewalk. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Look, I get where you’re coming from, but you’re gonna have to give in.”
My gaze shot up to meet his, my brows crinkled in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’ve got issues. Hell, I had a mountain of issues when I met Cassidy. The only way to keep her is to talk to her.”
I grunted at his insightful words of wisdom, not that I especially wanted to talk to her about any of it. I’d already done my best. Well, I had sort of discussed things with her. After so many years of marriage, did a guy really need to have in-depth discussions?
“Just give in and…tell her shit.”
He shot me a humorous look. “Don’t tell me in all the years you’ve been married you never actually talked to your wife.”
“Not like you’re describing.”
“Seriously?”
“It was a different time. Yeah, when we were younger…I guess we talked about shit.”
“But what about telling her about what you’re feeling?”
Hell, it was hard for me to admit when I was wrong, much less tell her about what I was feeling. I wasn’t sure I had it in me.
“Look, it’s not as bad as you’re thinking. You don’t have to gush about yourself, but you do have to give her something. Why don’t you start with what put you in such a funk.”
“She already knows,” I grumbled.
“Right, but has she ever heard it from your lips?”
I thought back to all the times I’d spoken, but not really told her much.
All those dinners where the kids brought up the past, whether that was Clay’s accident or how we had to sell off the cattle.
I pretty much slammed my fist on the table and told them we weren’t discussing it, and in my mind, that relayed what I was feeling.
Sighing, I took a seat on the bench as dread filled the pit of my stomach. “I don’t know how to do this shit.”
“You just have to tell her.”
“Yeah, but when I talk about that shit, I get mad. And when I get mad, I start yelling.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to stop that,” he chuckled. “The last thing you want is for her to start thinking you’re pissed at her.”
I huffed out a laugh at how the situations were reversed. “You know, I’m supposed to be doling out the advice at my age.”
“Deal with it, old man. We’re younger and more in touch with our feelings.” He winced at the description. “Well, some of them are. I did what I had to do.”
I grunted at the realization that we weren’t so very different. He didn’t want to open up, but he did it for the sake of his relationship. If I was going to save my marriage, something had to change. And that something was most definitely me.
“Thanks, man.”
“Sure. Now, are you ready to hit the ring, or do you want me to grab some wine?”
“Fuck off,” I chuckled. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
“Be sure that you are. Can’t stand around waiting on your tired ass all day. Some of us have work to do.”
The jab hit a little too close to home, but was one hundred percent accurate. I was the youngest retiree in Montana, and that was about to change.