35. Clara
CLARA
I sucked the caramel from the Rolo, then swallowed the rest of it. My stomach ached from all the junk food, and my whole body was sore from lack of movement.
This was depressing.
And not even depressing in a good movie sort of way. It was more like I had died and left my spirit behind to haunt the house, while eating my way through every inch of the pantry.
And I was running out of food fast.
Lizzy no longer brought me candy. Krista refused to buy me any more cookies. I couldn’t even convince Jeff to bring me treats. He was still upset over seeing me naked.
Groaning, I held my tummy as I pushed back in the recliner, trying to stretch the aches. I knew I needed to get up. I was well aware of the odor coming off me and the hair growing rapidly out of every pore. I was disgusting, and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
How had I gone from a woman who was storming through life and taking the town by storm to this sad, pathetic creature who never left this chair? That would change now. No more sitting around. No more feeling sorry for myself.
Ben left, but I still had a life to live.
“Ooh, The Bridges of Madison County is coming on,” I whispered, turning up the volume.
I reached over into the cooler, pulling out another wine spritzer before the movie started.
I loved Clint Eastwood so much, and I’d decided long ago that he would be on my list of men I could sleep with if I ever met him in person.
Sadly, that hadn’t happened yet, so I would have to settle for watching him on the big screen.
Or, the small screen in this case.
I watched the movie as if it was my own life playing out on the screen. And at the end when her finger itched to pull the door handle, I lost it.
“Do it! Pull the handle! Get out and go after him! You know you want to! Tell him you love him!”
When she drove past without getting out, I started crying big crocodile tears, gasping for breath as I felt the devastation of my own life wash over me.
“He should have gone after her! Why didn’t he go after her?”
“He should have,” Ben’s voice rumbled from behind me.
Gasping, I spun in the chair, my eyes blurry with tears. I could hardly see him, but I knew it was him. There was no denying it.
“Ben,” I whispered. “You came back.”
“I never should have left,” he murmured, walking closer to me.
Swiping the tears from my face, I tried and failed to pull it together. I was an absolute wreck.
Kneeling down beside me, his thumb swiped a tear from my cheek. “You’re a mess.”
I huffed out a laugh, wishing I looked different for this occasion, but I was beyond trying to impress anyone. Ben knew me better than anyone. If anyone was going to see me at my lowest and accept me the way I was, it was him.
“Why did you come back?”
“Because I realized I left something behind.”
“Me?”
He chuckled at that. “Well, it wasn’t the horses.”
Brushing my tears away, I latched onto his sweatshirt to make sure he didn’t leave. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t really want you to go.”
“But I had to. When you told me to choose—”
“It was stupid,” I interrupted. “I was angry and thought you would choose me.”
“I’ll always choose you, but Clara, what you asked for… it was like you wanted me to prove something to you. I would do anything for you, but I need the same in return. I need to know that when I make decisions for the family, that you’re behind me one hundred percent.”
“I know.” The words were nothing more than a whisper, coated in shame I still felt after all the weeks he’d been gone. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay with the Callahans working with us, but I can try.”
“No, you won’t.”
Panic raced through me at his words. “But—“
“You won’t have to try because we aren’t going to be around.”
Confusion swirled around me as I tried to decipher what he was saying. “Okay, I’ve had a lot of chocolate, so I must be high because I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
He held up a piece of paper. “The title to the mobile home. It’s ours.”
My eyes widened in shock. “It’s ours?”
“I bought it off Blake and Michael.”
“But…what would we do with that?”
“Go and see the world. Well, the United States, at least. All we need is to pack our things and leave.”
“But what about the ranch? What about—”
“Liam has control of everything. He doesn’t need this old man’s help,” he chuckled. “I haven’t been doing much of anything for years, so it’s no burden on him. And in the meantime, he’s going to finish the house with the boys.”
“But what are we going to live on? How would we even make this work?”
“We have money set aside, and… and we have your trust fund.”
My lip quivered as the words left his lips. “You always said you wouldn’t touch that money.”
“If it’ll make you happy, I’ll do anything. Besides, it’s not doing any good in that account.”
It was like a million things were flying at me all at once. I had so many questions. “How long will we be gone?”
“As long as you want. We’ll go any place you want to, and when you’re ready to come home, we’ll come home again.”
“And the ranch?” I hedged. “Are you still going into business with the Callahans?”
His eyes darkened slightly. “Baby, it’s not just me who needs this. I can’t tell Jeff and Liam not to do it.”
“I don’t want you to. It’s a good idea, and if it’ll help the ranch, then we should do it.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, brushing my greasy strands away from my forehead.
I sank into his touch, smiling against his hand. “I have you. That’s all I need.”
“And a shower.”
Laughter burst from my lips. “And a shower. God, I must look horrible.”
He brushed his lips over mine. “You’ve never looked more beautiful to me.”
“Even as smelly as I am?”
He shrugged. “I can wear nose plugs.”
Tears filled my eyes again as I realized this was really happening. He was really home. “I’m not sure I would have lasted another day without you. I’m in bad shape.”
“Honey, I wouldn’t have lasted the past thirty years if I didn’t have you.”
“Then I guess we’re even.”
He hauled me to my feet, holding on in case I fell over since I’d been basically a couch potato for weeks. I was shaky, but that was mostly all the sugar running through me.
“Go take a shower. I’ll start packing,” he said, heading for the door.
“Don’t forget the Dinty Moore beef stew.”
A slow smile spread over my lips as he turned around, quirking an eyebrow at me as he grabbed my snack from the chair. “And Rolos for dessert.”
Thank you for reading Ben and Clara’s story! The series continues in Whisper My Name!