10. Tell You No Lies
10
Tell You No Lies
Theron
Ever’s body temperature had increased significantly, but it was her heart that worried me. It’s all I ever thought about most days. She’d awoken in the early hours of the morning, voice hoarse and eyes apologetic, though she didn’t meet my gaze. She hadn’t said a word besides, “I didn’t mean to.” Her head had fallen back onto the pillow as she stared out the window, averting her eyes for the rest of the evening.
I believed that she wasn’t consciously trying to end her life. She’d reached out to doctors for antidepressants, and genuinely wanted to make the transplant list, but there was also a lingering darkness inside her that beckoned her to the edge. Drained her of her will to live, and left her numb to the dangers around her.
I was spending every moment I wasn’t required in surgery by her bedside, glowering and frightening off just about every nurse who came to check her vitals, their eyes downcast as they updated the charts and dashed back out the door I’d been in surgery when Ever had wandered to the front door of the hospital and almost died. Without my phone on me to monitor her location — I’d installed a tracking app the last time she was at the hospital, burying it in her files before returning the device to her. I’d missed the notification advising me she’d left her house while in surgery.
When I scrubbed out saw she was at the hospital, I immediately assumed the worst. A million dark and terrible thoughts flew through my mind as I ran down to the cardio center and saw that she hadn’t checked in, and I felt my chest cave in when I found her leaning against the wall outside, lips turning blue.
“You’re doing a poor job of convincing me you’re not a danger to yourself,” I said as the sun rose, the hospital coming alive with it as nurses filled the halls. I knew she would be discharged by the end of the day, and I was worried about her being alone.
Ever grunted, her fingers traveling along the edges of the heated blankets she’d stayed under all night. “It was an accident,” she croaked as her voice cracked. “I was people watching , and fell asleep.”
I sighed through my nose and tried to keep my anger in check. “You fell asleep in below freezing temperatures, Ever. What were you thinking?”
“I was trying not to think,” she bit out, locking her clover field gaze on mine for the first time since she’d woken . I could see the pain behind those eyes , the storm clouds that threatened to burst. “When the waves of my thoughts are threatening to drown me, I try to distract myself by observing others. I was riding the trains before I ended up here.”
“Why the hospital,” I asked quietly. “Were you experiencing pain?” I knew I sounded more like her doctor than a concerned lover, but she needed me to be both. I had to wear both hats if I was going to save her.
She shrugged her shoulders, but didn’t respond.
We both sat in silence, her gaze back down on her hands.
After another hour, Ever’s heart rate monitor was finally returning a reading I felt comfortable with. She’d be discharged soon, but I wouldn’t be letting her back out into the cold to board the trains again.
Ever fought me, rather profanely, and in front of several nurses, but ultimately the downpour of sleet and snow convinced her that a ride home in my car wouldn’t be the death of her. She stood just inside the glass entryway as I pulled up, eyes widening as I stepped out of the car and opened the door for her.
“I am a surgeon, little rabbit. Did you expect a station wagon?”
She scoffed and wordlessly slipped into the passenger seat of my Porsche Cayenne. Pulling away from the hospital, she kept her eyes cast out the window, not bothering to give me directions back to her apartment — we both knew it wasn’t necessary.
“Dr. Warren was informed of your stay in the hospital,” I ventured, glancing over to her very rigid form. She’d positioned her knees away from me in a clear indication that she wasn’t comfortable. “She still thinks New Haven is the correct course of action, especially considering she denied you antidepressants. Your psychiatrist — Dr. Fritz — was added back onto your case, to monitor your mental health.”
Ever’s head snapped around, panic setting flashing in her eyes before she surprised us both by setting a trembling hand on my arm. Her touch scorched me through my jacket, and I was seized by the desire to tattoo her fingerprints onto my skin.
“Don’t let them institutionalize me. I can’t die in that place,” she begged , and I felt my heart crack in two. “I won’t rot away in that prison. I refuse.”
“I promised you I wouldn’t let that happen, but you’re making it extremely difficult.” I leveled a stern look at her, trying not to draw attention to her fingers which were still clasped around my arm, lest she realize she was still touching me and snatch them away. “I’m not officially your doctor, and while I can manipulate medical records and coerce a board, at some point they may determine you’re too much of a risk to yourself.”
She worried her bottom lip — which was already chapped and bleeding. I could see her mind racing behind those bright eyes, still striking despite the dark circles below them. Ever was even paler than she had been in the days prior, gaunt and haunted looking,. She was getting worse, and I needed to find her a heart fast.
“I just needed to get out of my apartment,” she explained softly. “It’s not healthy for me to stay locked up there.”
I chuckled , my eyes glazing between her and the road. “So you went to the hospital? You hate hospitals.”
The temperature dropped as she pulled away from me - face darkening as she remembered that I had read all of her intake journals. I cursed under my breath, realizing that building this bridge was going to be harder than I thought. Ever didn’t trust anyone — no one had ever given her a reason to.
“Just — what if I hadn’t been there to find you, little rabbit? Our chase would have been over before it really began,” I tried to put as much emotion into my voice as I could muster. To make her hear how desperate I was to keep her alive and in my life. I felt that at this point, I needed her far more than she needed me.
She’d turned away from me again, but I heard a small reply. “I know … I’m sorry.”
When we pulled up outside of her apartment she didn’t rush to get out of the car, but rather stared up at the leaning tower of decaying staircases and salt covered boards that were rotting beneath their inhabitants. A place like this was likely to be riddled with health hazards, not ideal for her autoimmune issues.
I got out of the car and walked around to open her door, offering her a hand that she eyed warily. I rolled my eyes. “You were unresponsive last night, Ever. Please let me walk you up a set of stairs that I’m certain don’t meet city code.”
I had half a mind to have this place condemned, but sadly I knew that its residents would likely be facing the streets without it. The city would quickly slap up orders to evacuate and add the resident’s names to an endless waitlist for new housing. It was awful. I donated vast amounts to local charities working on the housing crisis in Boston, but there was only so much they could do in an unplanned city with limited space remaining for new builds in areas even remotely appealing to live in.
Ever relented and took my hand, and I tried not to let the pleasure show on my face. The feel of her skin against mine was enough to wash away the darkness that had been hovering around me since I saw her cold and blue.
“I won’t keep going on about how creepy it is that you know where I live, but please tell me you don’t have a spare key to my apartment tucked away in your pocket somewhere,” she asked me with a tinge of sarcastic amusement, like she didn’t really think the answer would be yes.
I cocked my head. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies, little rabbit.”
She blanched, but we slowly walked up the icy steps, one hand in hers and another hovering behind her back in case it was needed. I didn’t want to give her a reason to deny my help, so I kept my touches to a minimal. Once we were at her front door, I let her pull her hand free to unlock it. We were both quiet, and she peered over her shoulder at me.
“This doesn’t mean you’re allowed to keep stalking me,” she said half-heartedly.
My lips curled, and my fingers darted out to push a stray curl behind her ear. She closed her eyes as I did it, and I knew that I was getting closer. Pretty soon, she’d stop fighting me. Of course, I wanted my rabbit to continue our chase, but I needed Ever to let me catch her.
“Then let me in, and I won’t have to watch you from the sidewalk,” I teased. I knew she wouldn’t, but it was worth a try.
She spun on her heel, one hand resting on the door frame and the other on the door like she could slam it in my face at any moment. Just when I thought she would, the corners of her lips curled into a smirk.
“Goodnight, Hawthorne. Try not to stand under my window for too long, you could catch a cold.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, and hoped my delight wasn’t too apparent when I whispered back. “Goodnight, Ever.”