22. Chapter Eighteen #2
“We’re not blood relatives. We both grew up in the system. She was adopted. I wasn’t.” Her eyes soften, filling with something that looks far too much like pity. I shake my head firmly. “Don’t look at me like that.”
She blinks, almost flustered. “I’m sorry, I’m not—it’s just, I admire you.”
“Then why do you look sad?”
“I’m sad for every family that overlooked you. They missed out.”
I can’t help but chuckle at that. “I don’t think you’d be saying that if you’d met me back then.”
A smile finally breaks across her face. “Were you a hell-raiser?”
“Oh yeah, I was a little shit.” Her laugh fills the space, breaking the last trace of tension.
I take a step closer, catching her gaze.
“I’ll ask two things of you as my girlfriend, Andrea: spend my money without question, and take up all my time like it’s yours.
” I haven’t wanted anything in a long time, but here and now, I find myself wanting her happiness.
She eyes me skeptically, tilting her head. “Are you always this generous to your friends?”
“Only the ones I hope will stick.”
We stand there for a moment, letting my words sink in. The silence is comfortable, and I don’t mind it. The noise from outside the room fades into the background, and we just stand here, eyes locked in a way that says I see you . I see you without touching you.
I can see the moment an idea crosses her mind. “I have a thought.”
“Want to share it?”
She opens her mouth, then hesitates, shifting from one foot to the other. “It’s. . .weird.”
My mouth twitches as I fight a smile. “Tell me anyway.”
Her head bobs side to side as she debates. “I was thinking, well, everyone must be wondering what we’re doing in here. Like. . .” Her cheeks flush. “What do they think is happening?”
My pulse quickens, and my throat tightens as I swallow.
“That is what couples do when they disappear like this, right?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
I nod slowly, afraid to make any sudden movements. “Yeah. They do.”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “Maybe we should go back?”
I think I nod, but I don’t move. We both stay locked in each other’s gaze, waiting for our next move. It comes to me first. “Or you can get back a Josephine—and put the gawking to an end.”
“You mean the gawking at you?”
The fact that she doesn’t immediately shut down the idea has my blood heating.
A single shake of my head. “You’re driving a lot of men mad tonight.
” The look she gives me tells me she’s wondering if I’m among those men.
I’d be blind if I wasn’t. I take a step forward and she tracks the movement, her chest rising and falling with quicker breaths. “What’s it going to be, ma cerise ?”
Her eyes drop to my mouth. “Why do you keep calling me that?”
I reach up, lifting her hair over her shoulder, watching to see if she’ll stop me. When she doesn’t, I answer, “Because of the color of your hair,” Then, because I’m a fool who cannot keep his mouth shut, I add, “And the way it smells.”
She laughs, but it’s soft, almost breathless. “What does it smell like?”
“Cherries.” I drop my hand. “I can stop if you’d like. I know we agreed on no pet names, but it slips.”
“Keep letting it slip. I like it,” she says quietly. “Women stare at you a lot. It’s annoying.”
I laugh quietly. “Well, how about we give them something to stare at?”
Outside the door, we hear footsteps. Her eyes widen, but I grin. “What about the investors and sponsors?” she asks.
“If anything they’ll respect me more,” I joke.
She squints, fighting a smile. “For having your way with me in a closet?”
I dip my chin, stepping closer. “This might even get me invited to a secret gentleman's club.”
“They have those?” she breathes, unknowing that she’s backing away with each step I take toward her.
“They do.” I stop and frown at her. “We’re not really having sex, Andrea.”
She swallows thickly, nodding. “Right, yeah. I know that, but I still feel like I have to perform. ”
“You’re allowed to chicken out.”
She glares at me. “I’m not a chicken.”
“Good,” I state. “Then get over here and run your fingers through my hair.”
“But I’ll mess it up,” she says slowly and then realizes. “Right, of course.”
Her steps are hesitant as she meets me in the center of the storage closet. I grab her wrists and bring her hands to my hair. Neither of us mentions that I can do this part myself. She starts pulling at my hair, but not enough for how it would look if I really fucked her.
“More,” I instruct, and a giddy laugh escapes her.
She tightens her grip, yanking my head back. “Like this?” Her tone is playful, and I have to swallow the groan that’s too close to slipping out.
“Yes,” I say, my voice rough.
Then a voice calls from the hall, breaking through our bubble. “Julian?” It’s Josie.
Andrea’s eyes dart to the door before she looks back at me, her eyes gleaming with challenge. “Throw me against the door.” My brow lifts at her request, and she rolls her eyes. “Come on, be a man, and throw me against the door.”
I chuckle softly but do as she says. My hand slides to her shoulder as I turn her, carefully placing a hand behind her head before pushing us both against the door. A few things clatter off the shelves and we both dissolve into laughter, our breaths mingling in the small, charged space.
“Fuck,” she breathes. “Ok, now lift me so I can wrap my legs around you.”
“Andrea.” Her name comes out like a warning, but then we hear Josephine in the hall again .
“Julian is that you?” she asks, her voice close. “My presentation is starting soon.”
Andrea scrunches the fabric of her dress up to her thighs. “Do it.”
Fighting against all my gentlemen cards, I lift her, positioning her around my waist in a way that doesn’t cause me to press into her. My self-restraint is hanging on by a thread and I will my blood to not rush to my groin.
“What about my hair?” she asks as I maneuver one hand under her knee to distance us better.
“It’s too pretty to mess up,” I admit and then I push us both into the door again. It causes her to gasp so I check in. “This okay?” I ask even as I wonder what the hell we’re doing. This feels dangerous even if it’s fake.
She nods. “Yes, do it harder.”
“You’re killing me here,” I choke out.
“Now who’s the chicken,” she taunts.
I grit my teeth and do as she wishes.
“God, yes!” she shouts, and I freeze, my eyes widening at her closed ones. At my pausing, hers open and she flashes me a smile before tossing her head back into the door, her hand slapping the wood. “Don’t stop!”
She’s making sure Josie knows it’s her in here with me. I’ve never had sex in public before—I didn’t think it’d be all that thrilling, but right now I can’t ignore the heat that flushes through me. I should find my bearings, but I can think of nothing else but Andrea’s moans.
The line we crossed is smudged beneath us.
Her hands pull at my hair, her giddiness still in place.
“You’re trouble,” I murmur.
A high-pitched moan leaves her throat as her head tips back. “Oh, Julian! ”
Sweat beads on my forehead as I press my face into the crook of her neck, losing a piece of myself in the moment.
To my horror, her body slips down mine and so the next time I push forward, my groin presses into hers.
Pleasure meets my spine at the pressure and this time my groan makes it past my lips.
I immediately freeze, fear creeping in as I realize what I’ve done—what I’m still doing. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” I rush out, dropping her to her feet and backing away, not able to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Julian.” She says my name so softly, as if it’s a delicate thing, that I look at her. Her cheeks are red, and her earlier giddiness is nowhere in sight. “Don’t apologize. It was an accident.”
“Still.” It doesn’t matter. I shake my head, rubbing the back of my neck. The guilt crushes me, and shame assaults me. I should have been paying attention.
“Hey,” she says, risking a step forward. I don’t move a muscle as she fixes the collar of my shirt. “I don’t like that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“The look that says you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.”
I nod, but the guilt doesn’t lessen.
She gives me a once over and laughs, the sound of it delightful. “If this doesn’t say your mine then I don’t know what will.” Her eyes are so bright and beautiful that if she was actually mine, I’d be planting my lips on hers. “Ready to face the world with me, Julian Havord?”
It’s a sudden realization that I’ll do anything she wants me to do. I push the thought away just as quickly and place a kiss on the top of her head in another apology.
“We don’t want to keep it waiting, do we?”
The rest of the night, no one dares to look in Andrea’s direction for too long. Josephine sports a sour look that pleases the fuck out of everyone sitting at our table. As time goes on and Andrea and I share intimate touches, the fuckup I had earlier disappears into the back of my mind.
She touches me like I matter—like I’m something worth being touched deeper than skin allows.
When the event ends and we’re back at the apartment, parting ways to our rooms, I find myself wanting to make another wish. The same wish that never came true. The one I haven’t let myself think about in a long, long time.