48. Chapter Thirty-Eight #2
I’m not sure why exactly, but I brace myself as if waiting for an impact. When I step inside the familiar hint of a floral air freshener hits my nostrils and a distinct smell that is a mixture of sweat and rosin. Julian locks the door and follows behind me slowly as I take it all in.
“It feels like a different life,” I whisper, but I’m not sure why because it’s only the two of us. The air is warm and silent. Behind the desk, is a large window that allows parents to peer into the studio that has tall, vaulted ceilings with custom moldings.
“It was,” he responds softly, standing beside me as I stare at the studio in the same manner someone would stare at a ghost. He adds, “Your father said it’d be closed since the kids are on winter break.”
I take a step, hesitating. I look over at Julian with an idea. “Do you want to watch me dance?”
Clearing his throat, his voice is hoarse when he answers, “Yes.”
“I’ll be right back,” I tell him before I head to Miranda’s office.
I’m sure there’s an extra leotard and shoes around here somewhere.
She owns the company and is the woman who helped me achieve my dream.
I’m the reason I lost it all. It was in my hands, but I dropped it.
I worry that a part of me will always wonder about the version of myself in another universe that never got into that accident.
With luck, I’m walking out of the office in a black leotard with pale leggings and pointe shoes that are a little snug but will do the job.
I find Julian in the studio as he finishes plugging in the string lights that droop across the ceiling, casting the room into a soft intimate setting. It was always my favorite part about evening classes here. For me, the setting when dancing is what sets the mood for brilliance.
There are just certain dances that should never be done under the big light, and my audition piece is one of them.
I PLACE MYSELF IN the fourth position and wait for “Rescue My Heart” by Liz Longley to begin playing through the speaker. On the first few notes, I lift onto my toes and exit the fourth position, going straight into an arabesque.
The music flows through me as I go back to the last moment I let myself fall into the rhythm of the girl I used to be. When I first choreographed this routine, I was na?ve. Performing it now, I’m a different person who not only accepts the old parts of myself but is no longer afraid to let her go.
My routine tells the story of that na?ve girl. The girl who wanted nothing more than to leave her skin if it meant she’d never have to give up this feeling of being featherlight in the wind. Free as a bird, I rise on my toes and turn into a pirouette.
Just when my emotions are about to topple over the edge of my uncertainty, my eyes land on Julian. It makes me strong enough to keep going without falling apart. As I push through the motions, I wonder if he knows that I’m dancing for him now.
With each move, I’m saying goodbye to the old version of myself who thought losing this was the end of every wonderful thing.
Right now, all I feel is alive because dancing in this studio with Julian Havord’s eyes on me makes me feel like the universe had a plan all along. Every hardship and every heartbreak in my life has led me straight to this man. A man who reminds me that love can be loud and gentle all at once.
I no longer wish to crawl out of this skin for his hands have imprinted it with hope. He’s managed to touch me in ways that other hands have never reached for.
The song comes to a slow end, but I barely hold my return to the fourth position before I run across the floor and launch myself into Julian’s arm.
He doesn’t have a chance to speak because my lips are on his. My legs wrap around his waist and without hesitation, he holds me tenderly against him. One of his arms is wrapped securely around my back and the other grips my neck, angling my head to deepen the kiss.
I feel a tear slip down my face and it only makes me kiss him harder.
His fingers run through my hair, and he pulls it gently, breaking our kiss. “You are the most extraordinary woman I have ever met.” Brushing his nose against mine. “You’re crying.”
Pressing my forehead to his, I nod. “I’m happy, Julian.”
“Yeah?” he asks, kissing my jaw. I start to squirm, needing something else, something more . He breathes out a laugh and playfully drags his teeth over my neck. “What do you want, ma cerise?”
I grab his jaw to draw him into a slow kiss before snatching my mouth away. “Sit down and let me show you.”
He walks us over to the wooden chair that sits in the front center of the studio. I silently send my apologies to Miranda as Julian plants himself on the seat, taking me down with him. I push his jacket off his shoulders and with his assistance, it drops to the floor.
I kiss him as I start to undo the buttons of his shirt. His hands palm my ass, and I roll my hips, pressing into his hardness. We both moan at the friction and every time I repeat the achingly slow motion, his hands pull me harder and harder against him.
“ Fuck , Andrea,” he hisses, dropping his head back.
I take the opportunity to trail my mouth down his throat and chest as I slide off his lap until my knees hit the floor.
His heated, lust-filled eyes take me in.
His throat bobs as he swallows and when he reaches out to touch me, I shake my head and guide his hand to hold on to the sides of the chair instead.
“Let me touch you,” I say breathily, needing to show him just how much I want this—how much I want him. I slide my hands up his thighs, my nails digging as I reach for the button of his slacks.
“You don’t have to do this,” he forces out, his chest rising and falling rapidly. The look in his eyes tells me the opposite of his words. He wants this just as much as I do.
“I want you,” I tell him as I unzip his pants. “Anywhere you’ll fit.”
A shiver vibrates through him as lifts his hips to help me slide his pants down.
My heart starts to beat faster in anticipation as his hardness springs free.
I almost forgot how big he is and worry how much of him I’ll be able to fit in my mouth.
Gripping him in my hand, I run a finger over the beaded liquid before dragging my tongue over it for a taste.
Julian groans. “Goddamn.”
My eyes dart up to his and my cheeks flush at the realization of my mindless act. My bravado slowly fades and I’m suddenly unsure. “I’ve never uh. . .” I swallow. “I’ve never done this before,” I admit.
Realization slowly hits him and when he reaches over to caress my cheek, I let him.
“Vous êtes parfait à tous égards,” he rasps softly and drags his thumb over my bottom lip.
I squeeze him at the base and watch his jaw go slack.
Lust clouds his eyes as he says, “You could never disappoint me. Je veux ta bouche sur moi plus que mon prochain souffle.”
“I want to make you feel good.” I drag my fingers over the soft steeled skin before leaning forward to press my lips to it.
A deep groan sounds from the base of his throat. “You already do. In all ways,” he assures me and it’s sexy as hell. It encourages me to lick him from the base to the tip before taking him into my mouth fully. His thighs flex as he gathers my hair to keep it out of the way.
I use my hand to match the rhythm of my mouth as I try to take him as deep as possible. When my throat tightens on the verge of gagging, he hisses through his teeth as his hips begin to mindlessly lift to meet my mouth.
As I gain more confidence, I start moving faster and somehow manage to take more of him than should be possible. I want to draw out every sound that he’ll give me. I love that he doesn’t hide his pleasure and lets every moan and praise slip free, causing the heat in my lower belly to deepen.
It makes me want to make this even better for him. My desire only heightens as I make a mess of him.
His hand tightens its grasp, drawing a sharp sting on my scalp. “Fuck, Andrea,” he pants, “I’m almost there.”
I release him with a pop as I continue the motion with both of my hands. “I want to taste you.”
A guttural sound comes from his throat as he stares at my mouth. “Vous essayez de me tuer.”
I lower my mouth on him again, not wasting any time as the anticipation of watching him come undone approaches closer and closer with each sharp intake of his breath. When his moans soften into a gentle whimper, I know he’s close.
His hips lift at a faster pace to meet my mouth, and I moan in response which sends him over the edge. He fills my mouth and watches me with heavy, lust-filled eyes as I swallow all of him.
Not a second after I slide my mouth off him, his hands are under my arms and he’s pulling me into his lap and slamming his mouth to mine. He kisses me in a frenzy-like desperate sort of way that tells me just how much he enjoyed that.
His hands squeeze my hips before one cups me between my legs, causing him to groan. “You’re so fucking wet, Andrea.” When his thumb brushes over my clit I can’t contain the sound that comes from the back of my throat.
“Julian, please,” I whine.
His lips ghost mine. “You want more?”
I nod, my nails digging into his shoulders as I rub myself against his hand. “More, more, more,” I plead, and he groans before his arms circle my waist, and then he’s standing.
My back hits the mirror and my ass lands on the barre.
Julian’s tongue slides up the column of my throat as he tugs my leotard off my shoulder, revealing my breasts to him.
“Holy shit,” I breathe as his mouth closes around my nipple. I moan, my back arching into him. His hands rub me over the thin fabric as he switches to my other nipple, giving it equal attention that drives me to the brink of insanity.
He rises to give me a bruising kiss and then he’s ripping my tights and moving the leotard to the side before dropping to his knees and devouring me.
I cry out at the sudden sensation, my hands immediately going for his hair.
He uses one hand to keep me in place and the other to push a finger into me.
Pleasure pulses through me with each steady stroke of his tongue and my orgasm hits me like whiplash. “Julian, I’m—” My sentence ends in a sharp cry as euphoria rushes through me. He draws it out with his fingers, watching every twitch of my body with nothing but pure male delight on his face.
I reach out to pull him to me. His mouth finds mine and I taste myself on his tongue. I feel his hardness through his briefs, and I go to push them down again, but he beats me to it. Both of our movements are hurried and full of deprivation as we claw at one another to be closer.
“God, I want you so bad,” I tell him as I line him up at my entrance as he continues to hold my leotard to the side.
“You’re so beautiful,” he praises, pressing the head of his cock into me only to let out a pained groan. “I don’t have a condom.” His eyes slam shut in misery, but his hips still press forward.
“You mean, you weren’t expecting to fuck me against this mirror?” I ask, pulling his hips, and encouraging him to sink deeper into me.
“Andrea,” he croaks as he slips further inside of me, gripping my wrist tightly but not stopping me. “ Please .”
“Please what?” I ask and he shakes his head as if fighting a battle. Little does he know this isn’t one I want him to win. “You want me?”
“I always want you,” he answers hoarsely, his head falling so that his temple presses against mine.
“Then have me,” I breathe.
With a groan of defeat and acceptance, he pushes into me in one swift movement. The whimper that comes out of my mouth is one I’ve never made before in my life. There’s something about having him inside of me without any barrier feels so incredibly right.
“Have you adjusted?” he asks, his voice strained.
I nod, moving his head so that I can look at him. “More. Always more, please.”
Slowly, he slides out of me before pushing back in. A violent shutter rolls through him. “You feel too good like this. Fuck .” Knowing that he feels the same way only intensifies the pleasure. He moves again, each time faster than the last. “Je suis à ta merci.”
His lips catch mine in a slow sensual kiss. When he pulls away, I press my finger to his swollen lips. “I want to know what you’re saying.”
“You’re real to me.” He places his palm over my collarbone and softly brushes his thumb over my neck.
“You always were.” I push his damp hair away from his forehead.
His steady thrusts mixed with his words are maddening, drawing a cry from my throat.
“You’ve plagued my mind from the day we met and made living inside my head bearable for the first time in my entire life.
This was never nothing to me, Andrea. You do not understand how quickly you became everything. ”
“Julian,” I moan. Pleasure builds like the climb of a rollercoaster inside of me. “I’ve only ever wanted you from the day we met—I want every part.”
When he kisses me, it’s desperate, and everything I need from him at this moment. I tug at every part of him, wanting him impossibly closer. My hips roll in a frenzy, matching his as we both give in to the racing desire to reach our peaks.
“Andrea,” he groans, burying his face in my neck. “I’m losing my mind. You feel too good.”
“Don’t stop,” I pant, pulling at his hair as he sloppily kisses my neck. “Finish inside of me. ”
His fingers dig into my waist as he drives into me without mercy. Stars flash across my vision as I reach my climax, the pleasure never seeming to end as he draws it out with each thrust. Gibberish is flying out of my mouth in between cries of his name.
“Are you sure?” he croaks, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Yes,” I breathe, coming down from my orgasm only to roll into another one when he circles my clit with his thumb.
“Ah, fuck,” he groans, his hips stuttering against my tightened walls before he lets out a deep moan. I feel his release and I know I shouldn’t like this as much as I do, but I don’t think I can take him any other way after this.
He pulls my mouth to him, kissing me like I’m the only thing that matters.
I’ve noticed I’ve felt this way a lot in his presence.
Julian has a way of making me feel like the only woman in the world.
It’s addicting. It sparks a raw fear inside of me at the possibility of ever losing this—losing him .
“J'ai peur que mon c?ur soit à l'intérieur de toi,” he whispers.
I softly scratch the back of his neck. “What does that mean?”
His finger slides over my bottom lip before descending downward until reaching my chest, where he lays his palm flat. “It means: I’m afraid my heart is inside of you.”