Chapter 12 Sloane #3
I nod my head. I can’t look at him as I tell this story. It hurt way too much. I’d never felt so low as I did after Carter happened to me.
“Senior year, Carter and I were paired together for a class project. He was on the basketball team, a little nerdy, and really cute. He’d never been mean to me, he’d never called me names as the other kids did.
Instead, he’d make me laugh and smile, compliment me about little things like my smile, my eyes, my personality.
We worked on the project for a few weeks, and for whatever reason, I let myself get close to him. ”
Beckett scoots closer to me, and he wraps his arm around me. I don’t even realize how hard I am starting to cry until he wipes the tears away.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he whispers, pulling me flush against him.
“Yes, I do. I need someone to know,” I whisper, looking up at him. He looks back at me with sad eyes as he nods his head.
“We started hanging out a little bit after the project ended. We studied together, we went to the movies, and got ice cream. He was my first real kiss; he sat with me in the lunchroom. He wasn’t ashamed of me. He stood up for me when people would call me names.”
I close my eyes and clench my teeth. “I was falling for him fast and hard. I latched onto everything he gave me. I’d never had that kind of attention before.
I’d never felt like I was worth something until him.
Then one night, everything came crashing down.
We’d been something for a few months. Basketball season was over, and he convinced me that he wanted to go to the next step with me.
So we started working our way towards it.
Making out, touching, taking clothes off, then one night it happened. ”
I have to pause to breath. The tears are now falling fast and hard; it’s a surprise that I’m even coherent at this point.
“He filmed us, without my consent, and he showed all his friends. By the next day, everyone had seen the video. They’d seen me.
He laughed at me in the hall, in front of the whole school.
He laughed at me and told me it was all a joke.
That no one would ever be able to actually love the fat chick. ”
I can’t even see when I finally manage to get all the words out.
Beckett holds me close to him as I begin to sob into his chest. Carter was the only person I’d ever been with.
Even now that I have lost weight, in college I could never let someone see me like that.
Not when the last person had betrayed me so badly.
“He made a sex tape and sent it to people without your consent. Sloane, do you know how serious underage revenge porn is?” Beckett asks, his voice calm, his face holding the emotions of a million different things.
I shrug. “Nothing anyone could have done would ever stop the way I felt. It would have never changed the number of people who saw me at my most vulnerable, would have never stopped the names I was called, the way that I almost…” I trail off. All the memories are suddenly overwhelming me.
“Your dad could have done something. I would have done something.”
“Nothing would have happened, and I would have been worse off because then I would have been a snitch on top of everything.”
“Sloane…”
“It doesn’t matter, ok? It happened, it’s done. Teenagers are shitty, and some of us had it worse than others.”
I try to pull away from him; I’ve shared way too much. I shouldn’t have said anything. I opened up to him in a way that I told myself I’d never do again.
“Stop,” he gently commands, gripping my shoulders and forcing me to look at him.
I try to calm myself down. It takes a few minutes, but the tears finally start to subside as I let him pull me into his arms. He doesn’t say anything, he just holds me.
His arms wrap tightly around me, and I don’t hate it. Not like I should.
I know that he won’t hurt me. Not like they did, but I can’t let myself open up any more than I already have.
“I can do something about this,” he whispers, but I shake my head.
“No, no, no, please don’t. I just want to move on. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to.”
I’m being childish. But the thought of trying to sue Carter or anything like that makes me sick to my stomach. The idea of that video resurfacing or having to talk about what I went through to people makes me want to throw myself off a building.
“Hey, ok, ok. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. But you do realize the situation you’ve put me in.”
I freeze, in the moment, I didn’t even think about the fact that he is an officer. I didn’t even think about how this would look to him, what I’d be asking of him, by not wanting to talk.
“Beckett, I’m so so—” He cuts me off before I can finish. I take a breath, still trying to calm myself down.
“It’s ok. Don’t you dare apologize. Thank you for telling me,” he says, pulling me so that my head rests against his chest. I let myself melt into his comfort.
I lay here in his arms, feeling safe and just a little lighter. His fingers dance over my skin, soothing me as he places a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
If only I were yours, Beckett Hayes. The thought doesn’t scare me as it should.
The thought of us being something makes me smile.
The thought of belonging to someone as gentle and as kind as him makes me want to be better.
I’m not sure what he sees in me, but as I lie in his arms surrounded by his scent, I know one thing for certain: I never want to leave.
“Thank you for listening,” I whisper.
“Thank you for telling me,” he replies, pressing another gentle kiss to the top of my head.
I melt into him, and before I even know it, I’m fast asleep.