Chapter 14 Sloane #2
“I’m sorry, and I know that those words don’t mean much.
But I promise it was never my intention to leave.
I panicked. I’ve never not been there when they call.
I know that I probably broke whatever trust you had in me, but I’m really fucking sorry.
I’ve been like this my whole life, and I know it’s not fair, but can you cut me a little slack?
This has been my life for seventeen years.
I can’t just break the habit overnight. You have no idea how bad I feel that I had to leave you. ”
His words twist and force themselves into my mind.
I know that he’s not trying to make me feel bad; he’s just trying to communicate.
I suddenly feel so fucking stupid for being so selfish about something like this.
Because he’s right. I can’t just expect him to change overnight.
He’s a grown man with a real job, and I’m acting like a lunatic.
“You’re right, I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have run away this morning; I should have come down and talked to you. I’m not great with confrontation. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’m not good at explaining my feelings, and I’m not used to people wanting to hear what I have to say.”
He nods. “It’s ok, it’s just growing pains. We’ll get there.”
I nod and let out a breath, letting him take my hands in his. “I feel stupid now.”
“Why?”
“Because I overreacted.”
“You didn’t overreact, Sloane. We can’t always control our reactions. You’ve been treated poorly by the people in your life that you value, and it makes sense to shut down when you continue to get treated that way. I’m not mad at you, ok?”
He cups my face and brings our foreheads together. He kisses me softly, his lips molding all my broken pieces back together.
He picks me up and carries me up the stairs. “What are you doing?” I whisper as he carries me past my room and into his.
“Just lie with me. I don’t want anything more than that. I just don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”
He sets me on the bed and pulls his shirt off before climbing under the covers. I should run and never forgive him for what he did. Instead, I pull the covers back, and I crawl in next to him.
I lay against him, and I let myself fall asleep. Because, truthfully, I don’t want to be alone tonight, either.
When I wake up, I remember that I fell asleep in his bed. I do think that I just experienced the best sleep of my entire life. When I fully come to, something dawns on me; there’s a weight around my waist. Beckett is still here, and I’m pulled firmly against his chest.
“What are you doing? It’s…” I look over at the clock. “Beckett, it’s nine in the morning. Why are you still here?” I panic, waking up as I try to get him out of bed.
“I picked work over you once already. I’m here to make sure that it never happens again, because you’re right, you deserve to be picked first,” he whispers, placing a kiss on my clothed shoulder.
“I… I’m…why?” I stutter, turning in his arms, and he pulls me closer.
His arms are wrapped around me, his chest bare and now on display. I feel my face heat.
“Because I need to make up for the other night. Never again do I want you to feel like you aren’t important to me, because you are, and I think that’s what scares me the most,” he whispers, his eyes find mine, and stare into my soul. He reaches up and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
“It’s fine, you don’t have to take the day off for me. I’m used to it. I’ve never been the first choice,” I whisper, looking away. He stops me, his hand grabbing my chin and making me look at him.
“That’s the problem. You shouldn’t be used to being the second choice, because you are the only choice, Sloane.
I was so fucking stupid to run away the other night.
I hurt you, I know that I hurt you. I…I don’t know how to take myself out of work mode,” he whispers, and I see emotions on his face that I don’t know how to describe.
“You don’t have to. I was selfish. Your job is to save lives, people could’ve been hurt or dying—”
“I had the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my bed, and I walked away from that. You trusted me with something special, and I threw it away. I’m not always a good person, Sloane.
I’ll make mistakes. I don’t think that I’ll ever deserve you, but I want to try.
If I have to spend every moment this summer making up for the other night, then I will.
You deserve to be the first and only choice.
” It’s not until he cups my cheeks and wipes my tears that I realize I started crying.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to try, and I want to try with you.
And if that means that I have to take off a day of work just to make you smile, then I’ll do it. ”
“Thank you.”
“No, none of that. I should be thanking you because I don’t deserve a second chance. But I’m so grateful that you’re here with me, you have no idea.”
I bury my face into his chest, and he kisses the top of my head, holding me close.
We lie in bed together for a long time, his arms wrapped around me, snuggled into his chest as he occasionally presses soft kisses to my body.
“What do you want to do today?” he asks, and I shrug.
“I don’t know. Can we maybe just have a lazy day? I don’t have much energy today,” I admit, and he nods.
“That sounds perfect,” he says, nuzzling his face into my neck.
“Are you sure?” I whisper, and he nods again, pressing a soft kiss to my neck.
“Yes.”
I nod as he presses a kiss to the bottom of my jaw.
He pulls away and rolls us so that I’m under him, and I get to look at him for the first time in the early morning sun.
“You’re pretty,” I whisper, and I watch as his eyes soften and he smiles down at me.
I swear I melt when his cheeks flush slightly, and then I find myself embarrassed because I didn’t mean to say that out loud. We both just stare at each other, blushing and smiling like a couple of idiots.
We stay like this for a couple of minutes before we untangle ourselves and make our way downstairs to make breakfast together.
He stands with his arms around my waist, his face nuzzled into my neck.
“You smell good,” he whispers, and I giggle as his fingers absentmindedly wander over my skin.
His teeth nip at my neck, and I can’t help the moan that slips through my lips. My head tips back to lean against his shoulder.
He smirks against my skin as he leaves little kisses and bites. It feels so good. He doesn’t push me for anything more than teasing kisses, and I appreciate it.
“I bet that I can guess your favorite flavor,” Beckett says as several half-eaten containers of ice cream sit in front of us on the counter.
He somehow managed to convince me that we could have real ice cream with our movie, and not that ‘weird organic shit.’
“I highly doubt that,” I reply with a sly smirk on my lips as I lean back against the counter, a spoon in my hand.
“Baby, I think that you’re forgetting something,” he whispers, stepping closer to me. I roll my eyes playfully, looking up at him as he cages me against the counter.
“And what’s that, Beckett?”
“That my job is to find things.”
I shrug. “Then do your worst, Detective,” I taunt.
A low growl escapes him as he looks at the options.
“Ok, this one is out, you hate anything that’s overly crunchy,” he says, reaching behind me and grabbing the pistachio ice cream. “This one is out; you hate walnuts.” He pushes the Praline ice cream out of the way. “Not chocolatey enough.” There goes the vanilla.
My smirk falters slightly as only two remain.
“And my question was a trick, because you don’t have a favorite anything.
You’re too fucking indecisive, so you’ll end up making a bowl with two small scoops, one of each,” he mocks, nipping at my ear.
“One scoop mint chip, and one fudge brownie. The scoops will be the exact same size because you don’t want one to feel less valued than the other,” he whispers against my neck as his lips graze the skin softly.
“Beck…” I gasp. My hands find his shirt and softly clutch the material in my hands.
He kisses the underside of my jaw before pulling away just enough that I can see his eyes.
“How did I do?” he whispers, and my brows knit in confusion, before I remember what we were talking about. I softly clear my throat.
“I guess you can keep your job,” I mumble, my voice nowhere near as confident as when we started this little game.
“You think so, huh?” he teases, picking me up and placing me on the counter. I let out a little yelp, startled as he pushes my legs apart with his hips and stands between them.
“How did you know that?” I whisper.
“Because I see you, even when I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because you make it hard not to.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper.
“You don’t have to.”
“But I want to.”
“Maybe one day you will,” he whispers, pressing our lips together so I can’t say anything else. Slow, soft kisses quickly get heated as I run my tongue across the seam of his lips.
My hands tangle gently into his hair as his hands stay on my waist, his thumbs gently sneaking under the fabric of my shirt. I don’t pull away this time.
Instead, I pull him closer as he slides me to the edge of the counter. His lips part, and a small groan slips out when my lips leave his and trail down his neck.
“Baby,” he whispers, as I nibble on his ear, his grip on me tightening.
“Is this ok?” I ask, my voice soft.
“So good, baby, don’t stop,” he encourages.
My lips wander over what skin they can. I’m slightly limited because of the tee he’s wearing. His eyes close as my hands slide under his shirt and up his abdomen.
I pull away from him, and his eyes flutter open. “Yeah, baby?” he asks, letting his grip loosen, and he cups my cheeks, resting our foreheads together.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what?”
“For not rushing me,” I say, pulling him into a hug, pressing my cheek to his chest.
“Sloane, I never want to hurt you again. Anything you need, just ask. Never be afraid to speak up,” he says, kissing the top of my head. I don’t say anything, I just hold onto him. We stay here for a few more minutes before I pull away and gently push him back and slide off the counter.
“Can we eat ice cream now?” I ask, reaching for the bowls. A small huff of laughter leaves him.
“Of course we can, baby.” He kisses my cheek and dishes up our bowls. “Go sit in the living room, I’ll be in there in just a few minutes,” he instructs, pushing both bowls into my hands.
I get a movie started and relax on the couch, nibbling my ice cream until he joins me. He sits down, pulls me into his side, and we just enjoy each other’s company until eventually I fall asleep.