Chapter 26 Beckett
BECKETT
It’s been a long time since I’ve been camping, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed being out in nature until I brought Sloane out here with me.
It’s been the perfect way to end the week.
She’s had a rough few days; I can see that without the worry of her phone, that she’s a lot happier.
It’s been in the truck pretty much since we got here.
She did take it with us on our hike this morning to take some pictures, but other than that, she hasn’t looked at it.
I’m sitting on the dock in a camp chair trying to catch some fish for dinner, when she pulls her chair over and sits next to me.
She’s been reading the book that I got her a couple of weeks ago, and she seems to be enjoying it.
Whenever I look over at her, she’s either smiling or biting her lip to stop herself from smiling.
I have no idea what the book is about, but it looked like something that she would like based on the cover, anyway. I broke rule number one, and judged the book by its cover, and I bypassed reading the summary on the back.
Mocha jumps up into her lap like it’s where he belongs and rests his chin on her shoulder. It only takes him a few minutes to fall asleep.
I don’t say anything, I don’t need to. I like the quiet. Well, I enjoy this type of quiet; I always have. The soft ripple of the water, the wind through the trees, the soft sound of Sloane turning the pages in her book every so often.
I could get used to this.
It’s weird to think about the future right now. Before, I would have told you that I was gonna stay with the force for another twenty years, collect my retirement, and just tinker out in my shop ‘til I was old and my body stopped working.
Sure, one day I hope that when Mason gets out of the military, he’ll settle down, get a wife, and give me a few grandkids, but now, I have no idea what the future looks like.
I do know that I want the beautiful soul sitting next to me in it.
I don’t know what that would look like, though, if I’m being honest. She’s only twenty-one, and she has a lot of life in front of her.
Lots of years for growth. I don’t want to be the person who stops her from becoming the very best version of herself, but I don’t want my life to go back to the way that it was before she moved in, either.
I don’t know. That’s what makes all of this so complicated for me. Even if nothing comes from this summer, she moves back to Georgia, and leaves us all behind as she should, I’ll still have betrayed Briar. I’ll still have the things that happened replaying in my head on repeat.
I meant it when I told her that I wanted to give this a try, but I’m honestly fucking terrified of what that looks like.
I know that rumors will start, and that we’ll get weird looks when we go out together.
What haunts me the most is the reaction of the people closest to me.
What will Briar think? How will he react?
What will her siblings say, or her mom? Because honestly, none of the other opinions matter at the end of the day.
I don’t care what Timberline or Denver thinks about me; I never really have.
I do care what my family thinks about me. Because they are all I have.
Briar told me the other day that Kaden’s pissed at him for some reason. That Kaden won’t return his calls or texts, and when he does, he’s short and cryptic.
I don’t know what all Kaden knows. But it is pretty fucked up what Briar did. I honestly didn’t think that Briar was this kind of person. But the more I think about it, and the more I distance myself from the rose-colored glasses I’ve worn around him, the more I see.
Every day, there’s something I realize I should have been paying closer attention to. Things that I just brushed off because it’s just Briar. I should never have done that, no one should have.
I’m angry for Sloane. I don’t understand why anyone would treat her like that. How could parents hurt their child like that?
I’ve been thinking about it a lot the last few days, but what really did it was when she was sobbing into my arms, begging to just be enough for one person.
She should never feel that way, and if Briar has a problem with the way I feel, then fuck him. I know that I can no longer stand by and just watch this kind of behavior from him.
He needs me a lot more than I need him, and that’s part of the problem. I’ve always been the enabler, and it’s time for me to set my own boundaries. I feel awful that it’s taken me this long, but I’m fed up with it, and Kaden is, too.
I’m choosing her. After I left her that night in the rainstorm, I made a promise to never not choose her ever again. She deserves more than what this shitty hand of cards that life has dealt to her.
I look over at her, and she bites her lip, a small smile lighting up her face. I don’t deserve her. I don’t think I ever will, but I’ll work for it.
I’m taken from my thoughts when something starts to pull on my line. I focus back on reality and start to reel in, my pole trying to get away from me. Sloane pops up, and so does Mocha. She puts her hands on my shoulders and watches.
“What’s happening?” she asks, looking confused.
“I caught a fish,” I say.
“No way, really? Hurry, I want to see it.”
I laugh at her innocence. She makes me happy. Her bubbliness, her sass, her undying love for everything and everyone around her. She’s going to be the death of me, but at least I’ll die a happy man.
It takes me a few minutes to reel the fish in, but when it finally breaks the water, Mocha starts to bark and charges at it as it flops on the deck.
“No, Mocha, don’t do that, you’ll hurt it!” Sloane screeches, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him back.
I grab the fish as it wiggles around, gently removing the hook from its mouth before going to toss it into the cooler with ice for later.
“What are you doing?” she questions, grabbing my arm as I shut the lid.
“Fishing…”
“No, the fish! He won’t survive without water,” she says, kneeling down and pushing Mocha away as she tries to get the fish out of the cooler.
“Yeah, that’s the point. We’re going to eat him,” I say, looking at her, confused as she tries to grab the fish.
“What are you talking about?”
“Sloane, why do you think we’re fishing right now?”
“Because we’re bored and enjoying nature. Catch and release, right? That’s how the law works.”
“Baby, I’m trying to get us dinner,” I say, cupping her cheeks and making her stop trying to get the fish from the cooler.
“No, no, no, what if he has a fish-wife and fish-babies. We have to let him go, Beck,” she demands, shaking her head. Her eyes are all big and doe-like as she looks up at me.
While my hands are on her face, she very quickly lifts the lid, grabs the fish, and tosses him into the water, all before I can even react. She even somehow manages to grab Mocha and stop him from jumping into the lake.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask, letting go of her face and looking out at the water. I don’t know if I’m mad or if I’m just very surprised.
“No,” she says, picking up the fishing pole that’s sitting next to me.
“No, what?” I ask, as she gently takes the hook and attaches it to the rung, before holding it out of my reach.
“We aren’t going to eat fish. I don’t wanna kill any animals.”
“Baby, come on…”
“I said no, Beckett, I don’t wanna fish anymore,” she says sharply, grabbing her book and taking my fishing pole with her as she walks off the deck.
Mocha and I just stare at each other, neither of us really sure what just happened.
“Ok, I guess we’re done fishing,” I mumble, getting up out of my chair, folding up mine first, then hers, before walking back over to the campfire.
“So what do you want to eat tonight?” I ask, looking at her as she sits on the floor of the tent, reading her book.
“There’s hotdogs in the cooler,” she mutters without looking at me.
“You do know where hot dogs come from, right?”
She glares up at me, and I raise my hands in surrender. “Ok, sorry, just making sure. Mocha and I will be out here if you decide to join us.”
I don’t always understand her. I’m not really sure what she just freaked out about, but I think that it’s just safer if I don’t question it. I grab a beer from the cooler and sit down in my chair.
I look down at my watch. It’s only five, and since we are now having hot dogs, they will only take a few minutes to cook over the fire.
About an hour later, Sloane comes out of the tent, now dressed in sweats and a hoodie. She sits in my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have stolen your fishing pole,” she whispers.
“It’s ok, do you mind telling me why you did it though?”
She lets out a sigh before tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and looking up at me.
“I don’t like killing animals or watching them die; it makes me too sad. I know that I shouldn’t have just grabbed the fish like that either, but I didn’t know what else to do or how long that it could be without water.”
“Ok, next time communicate that to me instead of just freaking out, please.”
“I didn’t freak out,” she mumbles. I side-eye her. “Ok, fine, it was a small freakout. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I’ll probably never go fishing or hunting with you, just so you know. I will eat your cooking as long as I don’t have to watch it suffer.”
“Ok, I can live with that,” I say, kissing the side of her head and hugging her tight.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t inform you that I was trying to catch dinner.”
“It’s ok, I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“Water under the bridge,” I say, nuzzling her neck and making her giggle.
“We’re ok?”
“Yeah, baby, we’re ok,” I say, kissing her cheek, before resting my chin on her shoulder.
As the sun starts to set, she gets up and grabs the stuff for dinner while I prep the fire. As the wood starts to burn, I grab a hoodie and a water before sitting back down on my chair.