Chapter 41 Sloane
SLOANE
Icling to Beckett as he races us down the road, the wind whipping at my hoodie as we take corners at speeds that I’m sure are far too fast.
I don’t mind, though. I trust Beckett, and I know that he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt me. That reason alone is the reason I decided to stay.
I left this place to get away from my family, to start a new life, and to grow as a person. I’ve done that. I’ve taken three years to turn myself into someone that I am becoming proud of.
No, I am not perfect.
Yes, I still have a million insecurities, but Beckett is the reason that I am learning to be ok with them.
I don’t have any reason to go back to Georgia. Kaden is only a plane ride away. Mocha is here, and Beckett is here. I can do school anywhere in the world. Even if I wanted to attend in person, there are other colleges in the area that I could get into.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the last three weeks. I didn’t know what I wanted. But I knew that I needed to stay here.
I also know that I wouldn’t have been able to take Mocha with me and leave Beckett all alone. I didn’t want to leave Mocha and make him feel like I abandoned him.
I did my research, reached out to my school counselors, and talked to my landlord at Pine Lake. Everything worked out how it was supposed to in order for me to stay here.
Which means that I can continue my work with the shelters, and I can continue to make a difference in the lives of thousands of animals who are like Mocha.
I switched my major to Business he never chooses for himself.
He pays, and we go sit down in a booth at the back of the cafe. He sits across from me, and he looks good; the black leather jacket makes him all rugged and shit. He’s got a couple of days’ worth of stubble on his jaw that makes him look delectable.
“Do you think that they call themselves baristas or sandwich artists?” I ask, trying to distract myself from how attractive he is.
He thinks really hard about the question before saying, “I think that they would call themselves…Beanwhich Makers.”
As soon as the atrocious words leave his lips, I can’t stop myself from laughing. “That was awful,” I tease. He smiles at me and grabs my hands in his.
“It was pretty creative,” He says, trying to defend himself.
“Sure, I’ll give you that, it was pretty creative,” I say with a smile.
I like the moments like this, when we just enjoy each other’s company. I think that we’ve both been in silence for so long that there’s not really a need to fill it unless we want to.
I like that about him; we’re a lot alike when it comes to our loneliness. But I don’t want to think about that right now.
His thumb runs over the backs of my hands, gently over my knuckles, back and forth.
“Sloane!”
When my name is called, Beckett gets up to go grab our stuff.
He comes back and sits down. I open the paper bag and hand him his sandwich before taking mine. I take a drink as well and take a sip.
“Mmmm, that’s good,” I say, taking another sip.
He doesn’t say a word, and we eat our food in silence.
“I’m so full. I don’t think that I can possibly take another bite,” I complain, slouching in the seat. He looks down at my 3/4 eaten sandwich before taking it from me and finishing the rest of it.
“Thank you, kind sir. Whatever would I do if I didn’t have my own personal garbage disposal?” I tease as we collect our trash so that we can leave.
“You’d be a very wasteful person, and I’m not sure the world would survive with the excess trash that you would provide.”
Sassy man.
I don’t say anything to his remark and grab my mostly empty drink and finish the rest of it, before throwing it away.
“Thanks for lunch, Beck, it was very good,” I say, lacing our fingers together as we walk back out to the bike.
“You’re welcome.”
He helps me put my helmet back on. He pulls his on as well, before pulling me into his arms for like the hundredth time. Not that I mind, I actually really love his hugs.
“Have I told you thank you?” he asks, and it makes me laugh.
“Mmm, no, maybe you should say it again so I know. I don’t think I heard you the first twenty times,” I tease, and he rolls his eyes at me before flicking my visor closed.
I used to just drive around the mountains for hours when I just needed to get away. I’d blast loud music and scream songs at the top of my lungs until my voice was hoarse.
It was very therapeutic.
The air is so much fresher up here than in the city. So crisp, and it tastes like air, not garbage, or young adult sweat.
I love the state of Georgia; it’s always warm, the humidity sucks, but the state is pretty. I think that if I could, I would move back there, but I wouldn’t want to do it alone.
I have a fallback plan. If all this goes to shit, I can move anywhere in the world. I have social media, and I can now do all my schoolwork online. My life won’t be over.
I may have been able to loosen him up over the summer.
He doesn’t work until midnight. He comes home before six now.
Sometimes he’ll take more days than just Sunday off, but he still has his life.
His structure. I’m willing to mold my life around his, for now.
I have nowhere I need to be. I don’t have a final destination in mind, but I do know that this right here, with him, feels right.
Being in his arms is the safest I have ever felt in my life.
Maybe I should have talked to him before I decided to uproot my life and drop it straight into his lap. Maybe it was rushed, and I should have thought about it for a while longer. Maybe I should have made us do the long distance to see if that was even an option.
But I don’t want to waste any more of my life on a what-if.
What if one day I make friends?
What if I lose weight?
What if no one likes me?
What if my family just forgets about me?
What if I never find happiness?
What if I just disappeared?
What if I had had a father who loved me?
There are a million what-ifs, but this…being here with him. That’s the only thing that I think I’ve ever been sure about.
I wrap my arms around him a little tighter as we zip back through the mountains towards Timberline.
I feel myself relax. Today had been a little nerve-racking. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to the whole surprise thing. I went all out, but he’s happy. That’s all that I could ever really ask for.
All three of us lay cuddled up as we watch a random movie. Mocha is on the floor, sound asleep, while I lie on top of Beck. His hands play with my hair, and I have to fight to stay awake.
“Sorry, I didn’t talk to you first about moving in. Hopefully you don’t feel like I’m overstepping and crashing my way into your life.”
That was literally the last thing I wanted. I wanted him to like me, not to think that I was taking advantage of him and his kindness.
“Don’t you dare think like that. There is nowhere else that I want you to be. You, Mocha, and Mason—you’re all my family. I will protect all of you with my very last breath.”
“What about Briar?”
He tilts his head. “What about him?”
“I don’t know, I just thought maybe… You would choose him over me. Like everyone else does.”
He lets out a long sigh, then pauses to think about what he wants to say next. “Honestly, I’m not really sure where I stand with Briar right now. I think I might need some time away from him to figure out where I want to go with that relationship.”
“Really?”