22. Sunny
M y second year of law school was pretty much a carbon copy of the first. I studied hard with Jeremy.
I saw Dex whenever our schedules aligned.
It definitely wasn’t as often as we would have liked.
He was supposed to spend the weekend with me in Bloomington after my finals, but he got stuck on the Passions set because his co-star’s costume disappeared.
By the time it was found and they finished filming, he’d missed his flight.
Now I’m back in Chicago, working as a summer associate for the same firm as last year, and I have no idea when I’ll see him.
Big things are happening for Dex. He’s still taking the soap opera world by storm, but it seems like every channel I flip to, there he is guest-starring on a hit TV show.
On sitcoms, where he plays the hot pizza delivery guy, or the hot fitness instructor, or the hot guy next door.
On police dramas, where he’s an unwitting victim, or a witness—or the incredible season finale of Law & Order that just aired, where it turns out he was the killer !
I never saw it coming. Jeremy watched it with me.
He’s working in Chicago this summer again too.
He said Dex was “pretty good,” which is about as effusive as Jeremy gets.
But during the closing credits, Mia called, shrieking , to tell me what an amazing actor my boyfriend is.
Jeremy could hear her through the phone.
I love how excited she is about his acting career.
I think it’s brought us a little closer again.
I feel awful I didn’t go to her wedding, though.
It was the weekend before my second semester final exams. Mia said she understood, and I’m grateful.
If I’d really wanted to, I probably could have planned to get my studying done ahead of time.
I considered it. But Dex wasn’t able to go with me because of his work schedule, and I know I wouldn’t have had fun at that wedding without him.
As much as I hate to admit it, Mia and Evan’s relationship is still too triggering.
The first two weeks of my summer in Chicago are so packed with law firm social events that I hardly have time to run errands.
Finally, on a quiet Sunday morning, I drive to the grocery store with a long shopping list. I’m standing in the checkout line, minding my own business, when I see a picture of Dex on the cover of a tabloid magazine.
I flip through to find the article, and there are pictures of him at lunch with one of his soap opera co-stars.
The sexy blonde he has the love scenes with.
The scenes I can’t watch. My chest tightens as I examine each photograph.
Dex is sitting at a table, wearing a baseball cap, t-shirt, and shorts, none of which I’ve ever seen him in before.
But the caption makes sure to mention that his shirt is Christian Dior—and the retail cost is double my monthly rent in Bloomington.
His co-star is seated across from him in very large sunglasses and a very small dress.
Also expensive. They’re leaning toward each other.
There’s one photo where Dex has his hand on hers.
The headline reads “Dex & Tess: Real-Life Lovers.” My hands shake as I hold the pages.
My head starts throbbing. I’m dizzy and starting to wonder if I’m actually going to be sick when my cell phone rings. It’s Dex. Like he knows, somehow, that I’m in a grocery store two thousand miles away, staring at pictures of him with another woman.
“It’s not true,” he says, the moment I answer the phone.
I let out a sob. I turn to leave the checkout line, and the woman standing behind me gives me a sympathetic frown as I walk away.
“Sunny, you have to believe me. Tess is gay. Her girlfriend broke up with her. I was trying to help her feel better.”
“Dex,” I sigh out. “What are we even doing?” My lip is quivering. “We haven’t seen each other in months. I feel like I barely know you anymore. I mean—you’re out to lunch wearing Christian Dior ? Since when do you care about labels?”
“I don’t. It was a gift. I’m a walking billboard,” he explains.
“People give me free shit because they know I’ll get photographed wearing it.
Look, Sunny, I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.
But I promise you have nothing to worry about.
I just booked a flight to Chicago,” he says. “I’ll be there next weekend.”
I nod and take in a breath. “Okay.”
“Sunny, I need to know that you trust me.”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks. Everyone who walks past me down the cereal aisle is staring at me. I step to the side because a mom with an adorable curly-haired toddler needs Cheerios, and I’m standing in her way.
“I do,” I tell Dex. “But that doesn’t make this any easier.”
The following weekend, Dex is in my apartment.
He kisses me as soon as he walks through the door, and it’s slow, sensual, his fingers traveling up the nape of my neck, into my hair, cradling the back of my head, like nothing has changed.
Suddenly I have amnesia and forget all about how tough the last several months have been.
About my fear of losing him. Or not being enough for him.
About Tess, and the tabloids, and all of that shit.
I can hardly remember my own name. All I can think about is how much I want him.
So I pull him into my bedroom, and we make up for lost time again.
Afterward, we’re sitting up in bed. I lean against his chest, and he wraps his arms around me.
“Are you excited for Paris?” he asks.
I recently decided to study abroad in the fall.
It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never got around to in college.
I’m about to start my third and final year of law school, so this is my last chance.
I wrestled with the decision, but Dex is becoming more famous by the second, and with each opportunity that comes knocking at his door, the threat of losing him becomes more real.
I need Paris to distract me. But I do my best to hide my insecurity when I answer him .
“I’m so excited,” I say. “I’m going to have coffee and croissants every morning, and walk down cobblestone streets with a tote full of baguettes, and drink wine with my friends while we pretend to study.
My classes will be pass/fail, so I don’t even have to worry about my GPA. It’s going to be amazing.”
“That’s awesome,” Dex says, hugging me. “Is, um, Jeremy, going?” As I’m leaning against him, I feel his heart rate pick up when he asks me.
“Oh,” I say, adjusting myself to look at him. “No. He isn’t.”
This is the first time Dex has ever asked me about Jeremy.
I hope I haven’t given the impression that I’m remotely interested in him—because I’m not.
Jeremy and I are just good friends. I could have sworn I told Dex that Jeremy was in a relationship.
Maybe he forgot. “Um, did I tell you that Jeremy’s girlfriend goes to med school here?
I actually met her last week. She’s nice. ”
The truth is, she was a bit prickly. Jeremy said she was tired from her obstetrics rotation, but I got the distinct impression she didn’t like me.
Dex clears his throat. “That’s cool. Well, Paris is going to be incredible. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks,” I say, leaning against him again. His heart rate has slowed back down.
“I actually have some news,” Dex says next after a brief pause. “I wanted to tell you in person.”
I adjust myself again. “What’s up?” I ask. Now my heart is racing.
Dex half-smiles. “I got cast in a movie,” he nearly whispers.
I feel like the wind was just knocked out of me.
This is it .
He’s going to be a movie star.
And I’ve never seen him happier in his life.
“It’s an indie film, so the budget’s smaller, but the director’s amazing,” he continues. “I’ve seen all of her work. Her last movie won the Audience Award at Sundance.” Dex shakes his head in disbelief. “I think this could be big, Sunny.”
I take in a breath. “That’s amazing!” I exclaim as I pull him in for a hug. I close my eyes and squeeze him as tightly as I can.
Before I have to let go.
“I don’t even know how my agent got me the audition,” he says, still stunned. “I mean, I’m proud of the work I’ve done, but it doesn’t really show my range. The director said she saw something in me, though.”
“Of course she did,” I say with a huge smile as I work hard to pull myself together to be supportive. To be a friend.
After all, long before we were lovers, Dex and I were friends. I have this sinking feeling that I’ll be reprising that role again soon.
He’s going to be an A-list celebrity. He’ll be rubbing elbows with the most dazzling people in Hollywood. In the world, even. Why would he want to stay tethered to me? What could I possibly have to offer Dex Oliver, the movie star? I’d just be a burden.
My mom’s vile words from years ago come barging back into my brain.
Is that really what you want, Sunny? To live in Dex’s shadow like that? To abandon your own dreams and follow him around like a lovesick puppy? And hope, against all odds, that he’ll come home to you every night ?
Dex’s voice pulls me out of the depths of my waking nightmare, and back into his arms. Then he gives me a morsel of hope.
“They’re going to put my soap character in a coma.
He’ll get in a car accident, and the evil twin will disappear when the police start asking questions.
That way they can write me back into the script if the movie tanks,” he explains.
“But the best part is—we’ll be filming in London in the fall. I can visit you while you’re in Paris.”
Me and Dex, together, in the most romantic city in the world? Now, that’s something to look forward to.